To not want to share with SIL the suppliers used for my daughters birthday

[L3monDrops]

SIL (brothers wife) and I do not have the best relationship for countless reasons which I can specify if necessary. However we are always civil and polite and that is sufficient. She constantly gets my brother to contact me to ask where I have got x, y and z from or who did I use for x, y and z. Examples being where we bought our fireplace which she now has in her living room, who did my hair for a wedding we recently attended and she has now booked the same hair stylist for her own upcoming event. She does this with countless things and has never once thanked me or even acknowledged that she has copied me. My brother will simply text me asking about said thing, I will provide the info and she will go out and copy. And it takes me a very long time to research and find these items/suppliers.

My daughters birthday is round the corner and I am planning to have someone come in to do some nice themed decor, a nice cake and a local chef will be providing me with the food, I just have to cook it. I just know that I am going to be asked either there and then or via text from my brother not long after who did x, y and z for the party so that they can use the same people. AIBU to not want to share this information and perhaps even lie about who I’ve used and claim some old friends helped me out as a one off but aren’t doing it as a business?

Nah. Someone I had an actively bad relationship with, would not be getting help and advice from me.

I don't care if that makes me petty; being petty can be very satisfying when it's to twatty, irritating people. I don't know if the SIL is actually an arse or not, but certainly people that I think are arses, are not helpfully spoonfed all my ideas. If I was asked too often, I would pretty openly tell them to piss off, think of their own ideas and stop asking me all the time when that's all they ever want from me.

It would get on my thrupennies too.

I’d lie.

YABU. You talk about the effort you go to researching etc, but you're going to be putting in that effort regardless, so it's a bit of a moot point. I'd consider it a compliment that they think you've got good taste and are happy to bow to your superior judgment and just tell them. But then... I'm not petty, which you seem to be 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ugh how annoying. It would bother me too. She can’t be bothered to build a positive relationship so why should she get the benefits...

@L3monDrops

I do not have the best relationship for countless reasons which I can specify if necessary

OP, could you specify? Or has OP disappeared?

Yabu. Why does it matter? You still get to enjoy the things. You're not children. I love and care about my family and especially my nieces and nephews. I'd be happy if their mum wanted to replicate something I did. It would mean I'd done a good job. I wouldn't be annoyed that I'd spent the time researching as I wouldve anyway plus my family get to also enjoy the thing. I could always ask them for tips and not do the leg work with other things. I'd only be annoyed she didnt just ask me and would politely suggest that

And it takes me a very long time to research and find these items/suppliers"

Maybe she doesn't have the time/interest. Choosing a fire place or a birthday cake isn't really too much of a for filling activity for most of us. We just want some form of a known quality about such things. Take it as a compliment, she trusts your judgment.*

Does she not even have the time to thank the OP? I understand how it seems petty but if the SiL is always doing this, it would piss me off.

Does it really matter if she has the same cake as you? Word of mouth is how many companies make their money and if you are happy with their service why wouldn’t you want to share their details? You’re not the only person they work with and believe me, right now, they need the money.

You sound like you're probably hard work.

Research🤣🤣🤣

You sound like you're probably hard work.

The most blistering Mumsnet riposte of them all ...

I get the impression the comments about wife work will go un answered

I would be really flattered, and pleased to be passing business to tradesmen and women whose work you have appreciated. Spread the love!
Anything else seems petty and mean-spirited.

@Keysunshine

Ugh how annoying. It would bother me too. She can’t be bothered to build a positive relationship so why should she get the benefits...

We don't actually know that. It could be the OP for all we know or a joint inability to get along.

And it may be nothing to do with her and mostly coming from ops brother

Well no, but I’d just think if someone wants something from someone they should be the one making the effort to built a relationship/thank them properly etc

I am a petty bitch but I would look up the worst rated places that she is asking you about and give her the number for them!😂 that will solve your problems!😋

YABU. Really petty. It doesn't cost you anything. And it's free advertising for the suppliers, which is the graceful thing to do if you appreciated their services.

If you think your research is so valuable, then write a blog or something, and make a small profit from the advertising revenue. But rationing information is just petty and selfish. And terribly old fashioned.

Oh god is this the influencer approach? Please please take me back to the 90s

Surely it helps pass business to suppliers you have been happy with/hope to use again? Bit annoying she never says thank you, though.

So brother asks for recommendation for his home or daughter's birthday party
Brother receives it
Brother's wife is responsible for saying thank you

Your brother rings you to ask about caterers for his child's birthday, about a fireplace for his living room, etc. but you want his wife to thank you because you consider this wife work

my assumption was that brother calls and says "hey sis, wife wants to know where you got x,y,z..."

And since it's your brother you can say "fuck off lazy twat, research yourself like i did"

If there was give and take and a bit of friendliness I'd say what's the harm. But using you as her/their personal buyer/search engine? fuck that.

She explained that the brother just texts and asks about said thing

Why?

A few years ago I would have said YABU, why does it make a difference if she does copy or want the same things, it's flattering....fast forward to now and my own SIL does this with everything toddler related and it drives me mad!!!! She doesn't care about getting to know me as an individual, it's like I'm just a human google for her. Internally I'm screaming do the research and find out for yourself like I did you lazy twat! It's weirdly annoying and still shocks me that I find it so irritating, so YANBU at all op.