To not want to share with SIL the suppliers used for my daughters birthday

[L3monDrops]

SIL (brothers wife) and I do not have the best relationship for countless reasons which I can specify if necessary. However we are always civil and polite and that is sufficient. She constantly gets my brother to contact me to ask where I have got x, y and z from or who did I use for x, y and z. Examples being where we bought our fireplace which she now has in her living room, who did my hair for a wedding we recently attended and she has now booked the same hair stylist for her own upcoming event. She does this with countless things and has never once thanked me or even acknowledged that she has copied me. My brother will simply text me asking about said thing, I will provide the info and she will go out and copy. And it takes me a very long time to research and find these items/suppliers.

My daughters birthday is round the corner and I am planning to have someone come in to do some nice themed decor, a nice cake and a local chef will be providing me with the food, I just have to cook it. I just know that I am going to be asked either there and then or via text from my brother not long after who did x, y and z for the party so that they can use the same people. AIBU to not want to share this information and perhaps even lie about who I’ve used and claim some old friends helped me out as a one off but aren’t doing it as a business?

I would just not answer and if they persist say you’ve lost the details.

If it helps, I never mind recommending things to other people. It is weird that someone who seems not to like the op is doing so though.

Also, finding the talk of 'research' slightly amusing, sorry. As if people are coming up with the cure for cancer or something. It's a fecking CAKE lads.

I don't get this. it was DHs birthday and we went away for a night in a hotel and booked a lovely restaurant. My friend said she was thinking of doing something similar for her dh and did I recommend hotel/resto/other things we did. To me it's flattering that she thinks I picked nice places and if they went and did exactly the same things (unlikely) we did I would not be upset at all.

Stop giving them that information. Or if that can't be avoided, say you can't remember. Enough times and it should register as the polite version of "piss off" and they'll stop.

No, @LillianBland. I've read the OP and I've read all the thread.
I still couldn't raise the pettiness to be annoyed by this.

As the old saying goes .... 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery'.
Whether she admits or not, she thinks that you have impeccable taste.

‘It’s a fecking cake lads’ is all that needs to be said 😂😂😂 brilliant

Your brother rings you to ask about caterers for his child's birthday, about a fireplace for his living room, etc. but you want his wife to thank you because you consider this wife work.

Frankly, you sound ridiculous and really petty.

@PablosHoney

‘It’s a fecking cake lads’ is all that needs to be said 😂😂😂 brilliant

I would do it because there is a child involved. I would stop giv8ng information out about who did the work in your house, the hairdresser etc

However it does sound as if she is insecure perhaps you could be the bigger person and try and get to know her more

Oh grow up! Yes it’s probably annoying being asked but why would you care if she uses the same hairdresser for example, to get her hair done for an event. She obviously thought you looked nice. You’re being so petty...

Id actually text before your brother asks

we got birthday cake from y
we got birthday balloons from z
birthday food from x
birthday entertainment from a
birthday presents from p
birthday cards from j

vcan't think of anything else but let me know if I missed anything

Surely you could take it as a compliment.

YABU. Sounds very petty. Who cares if she uses the same hair stylist, you don't own her! SiL obviously liked the way your hair was done.

Likewise with the chef, you dont own the chef.

There are obviously other issues, which you have alluded to, that seems to affect your overall relationships.

Now if she was copying everything exactly, that may be a concern (exact same hair style, menu for party, etc) but to use the same supplier is no big deal.

You're being petty.

Just tell her.

I'm with you on this OP.

I have the same issue and it bothers me. We don't have a lot of money and anything I buy is a considered purchase I research to choose the best option for us and then further research to get it for the lowest price possible.

The relative notices things, asks me about it and buys the exact same item. Then the next time they visit comment that I have the same curtains/coffee table/dishes as me!

Just some of the identical purchases include: my perfume, curtains, coffee table, sheets, cushions, lamp, kitchen table and chairs, liquid soap, kitchen timer, chopping board, bath mat, recipes, days out with kids (which she then treats other grandchildren to).

My dhs sister does this I research and plan and then she texts him to ask what I booked, where I found X etc if she asked me herself I might not mind as much but it’s the fact she asks via dh knowing I’m the one who’s sorted it that posses me off.

If my friend asked me personally I’d share a school mum I’d share its this whole going though a middle man rather than being adult enough to ask themselves that pisses me off.

I’d give that annoying too @L3monDrops, but my BiL and SiL copied our wedding!

• They got married the same weekend the following year ie: the day before our first anniversary.
• SiL had a very, very similar wedding dress to me (not white dress; mine was a really unusual colour at the time, from Harvey Nicks, hers was BHS- my unusual colour exploded on the high street the following spring)
• BiL also wore the same coloured shirt as DH had. At least he had a Scottish best man in a kilt! That was different.
• They asked MiL to make the same cake with the same decorations (again, non traditional). She refused anyway, and did same decor in different colours.
• SiL asked to borrow my (non-matching) shoes, until I pointed out that my feet are 3 sizes bigger. Sadly (🤷🏻‍♀️) she couldn’t find any similar...,
• Same for headwear (not a tiara) and earrings.

It’s like they’d only been to one wedding, and thought that it was a template for all weddings!

Still annoyed about this more than 15 years later.

In your situation, I’d be vague, or joke something like “you know, you could always choose your own things!”.

It's easy to see who tends to copy - or doesn't get any groupie - and who has experienced childish and irritating people around them. It really is not flattering.

Occasionally wouldn't be strange or wrong, but if it happens regularly I'd be a bit fed up with it too.
Mix it up a bit. Tell them sometimes but do as you are suggesting for the birthday details and anything else you don't want copied.

I’d give that annoying too @L3monDrops, but my BiL and SiL copied our wedding!

How would she not be embarrassed to be so obvious is beyond me! It's normal people worst nightmare to have a replicate wedding and dress.

Give me strength! 😂

Your brother rings you to ask about caterers for his child's birthday, about a fireplace for his living room, etc. but you want his wife to thank you because you consider this wife work
Yup, this.

Does sound petty on your part. PS you’re having someone come in and decorate your house....this all sounds like keeping up with the Jones’

I think it's really weird and petty when people don't share information about where they got something from. Unless you made it yourself, thousands of other people will have parties like yours/fireplaces like yours/hair like yours and it's childish and oddly protective to think that someone else is "copying". Get a real problem