To not want to share with SIL the suppliers used for my daughters birthday

[L3monDrops]

SIL (brothers wife) and I do not have the best relationship for countless reasons which I can specify if necessary. However we are always civil and polite and that is sufficient. She constantly gets my brother to contact me to ask where I have got x, y and z from or who did I use for x, y and z. Examples being where we bought our fireplace which she now has in her living room, who did my hair for a wedding we recently attended and she has now booked the same hair stylist for her own upcoming event. She does this with countless things and has never once thanked me or even acknowledged that she has copied me. My brother will simply text me asking about said thing, I will provide the info and she will go out and copy. And it takes me a very long time to research and find these items/suppliers.

My daughters birthday is round the corner and I am planning to have someone come in to do some nice themed decor, a nice cake and a local chef will be providing me with the food, I just have to cook it. I just know that I am going to be asked either there and then or via text from my brother not long after who did x, y and z for the party so that they can use the same people. AIBU to not want to share this information and perhaps even lie about who I’ve used and claim some old friends helped me out as a one off but aren’t doing it as a business?

Eh? Surely lying is more childish than just saying who made the cake?
meh, it's not worth even thinking about it.

The SIL is irritating, just ignore and don't get involve. It's not childish to protect yourself against daily irritants, there are enough you can't escape.

The OP clearly cannot tell her to fuck off and has to maintain good relationship for the sake of the family, so a quick lie is the best way to deal with it.

I can’t understand why this is an issue?!
Recommending a business is entirely normal, most rely on word of mouth.

You sound ridiculously petty, the backstory might have some bearing but seriously?

Seems a bit petty to me

or behave like a grown up and tell your brother how you feel.

what is the point of that? Starting arguments and upset within the family, and the OP will look ridiculous as it will be conveniently twisted as posters are already doing it, having a huff about a cake.

Don't tell your brother, stay cool, distant and don't give her details.

YABU, ever thought that perhaps your brother wanted the same fire as you because your siblings and have similar tastes?

I couldn't be bothered to be annoyed at family asking for recommendations. I regularly ask my brother for technology recommendations as he knows more about them than me.... maybe he'll start a thread next

Meh. I would just pass along the details to SIL. Life is too short to get caught up in petty conflicts.

That does sound irritating OP. I like the advice of saying to your brother that SIL can call you for a chat if she wants to ask you herself.

What harm does this do you exactly? Stop being so petty.

@SantaClaritaDiet

or behave like a grown up and tell your brother how you feel.

what is the point of that? Starting arguments and upset within the family, and the OP will look ridiculous as it will be conveniently twisted as posters are already doing it, having a huff about a cake.

Don't tell your brother, stay cool, distant and don't give her details.

If there's an argument sometimes that needs to happen to clear the air. What's the point in allowing resentment to fester?

The OP has the option of suggesting to her brother that the sister in law contact her directly if she's the one seeking the information. If the OP is resentful ignoring the situation or lying is childish and isn't going to make it go away.

You both sound a bit ridiculous. Her for not being able to sort her own life out and you for wanting to conceal the details of a child’s party.

I’d dodge the question; ha ha I didn’t know you were into x, y, z (to your brother).
Or just “joke” back: you want to copy me again? 🤗

Doesn't your brother get a say in things like his fireplace or daughters birthday! How do you know it's her driving this, maybe he's saying "you said sis looked nice with her hair like x, let me find out the stylist."

I can't see why she's in the wrong for not thanking you, but your brother isn't? He has the fireplace in his house as well as SIL.

Could it be him that's the lazy one?

Just tell her, what's the problem?

Hahaha I totally understand how you feel as I would hate this too but I admit it is petty

Hmmmm on the face of it, this does seem petty and a bit adolescent tbh. "She's always copying me waaaah".

However, if it is very often, that is quite strange, especially as she doesn't like you? Or does she like you, but you don't like her?

The going through your brother thing is a bit strange as well.

Maybe need more info on why you don't get on here op?

FWIW, I can't stand my husband's horrible sister. But there is no way on God's green earth that I would seek to emulate her in any way. I can't imagine seeking to emulate anyone I strongly disliked. So I can't entirely wrap my head around what is going on here...

What bothers you about it ?

I'd just ignore it or say a friend did it for you as a favour and that they don't offer their services publicly.

It's annoying but I do think it shows that she is jealous of you and thinks that having the things you have will make her look better.

I'd pass on the details and say "it's XYZ Co. and I am so flattered that SIL likes our style so much that she uses it, too"

This would annoy me - she can do her own bloody research like the rest of us have to!! It would be different if you got on but she isnt even nice to you!

Yanbu to not want to divulge everything you spend time researching etc. When there is never any gratitude or acknowledgement of this from her. However, I definitely wouldn't lie. Maybe just be a bit glib and she will get the message.

Yabu and not very supportive of the businesses you use if you won't tell people who they are. What difference would it make to you?

Mean mean mean

* She constantly gets my brother to contact me to ask where I have got x, y and z from or who did I use for x, y and z. *

Constantly. Oh come off it.

Mean spirited.

But someone who even thinks like this will have behaved like this throughout the lives, so you will no doubt not share OP.

Answer amazon for everything.

I get that it's annoying that she doesn't seem to have an original idea of her own, or is just too lazy to do the research herself, but if the party organiser, cake maker and local chef do a good job I personally would want to support those local businesses and recommend them to anybody who asked. It is they who would be paying over your refusal to share this info with your SIL and small, independent businesses, particularly at this time need all the support they can get, especially if they have done a good job.

However, next time she asks for some info that doesn't impact someone's livelihood directly, feel free to either ignore her request, say you've forgotten, or even misdirect 😏.

It IS petty, but honestly I wouldn't like it either!

I'd just tell her you made it all yourself