To not want to share with SIL the suppliers used for my daughters birthday

[L3monDrops]

SIL (brothers wife) and I do not have the best relationship for countless reasons which I can specify if necessary. However we are always civil and polite and that is sufficient. She constantly gets my brother to contact me to ask where I have got x, y and z from or who did I use for x, y and z. Examples being where we bought our fireplace which she now has in her living room, who did my hair for a wedding we recently attended and she has now booked the same hair stylist for her own upcoming event. She does this with countless things and has never once thanked me or even acknowledged that she has copied me. My brother will simply text me asking about said thing, I will provide the info and she will go out and copy. And it takes me a very long time to research and find these items/suppliers.

My daughters birthday is round the corner and I am planning to have someone come in to do some nice themed decor, a nice cake and a local chef will be providing me with the food, I just have to cook it. I just know that I am going to be asked either there and then or via text from my brother not long after who did x, y and z for the party so that they can use the same people. AIBU to not want to share this information and perhaps even lie about who I’ve used and claim some old friends helped me out as a one off but aren’t doing it as a business?

I would just say you did it yourself!

What's the big deal with telling her? It does sound a bit petty. You could always just not reply or say "google" when asked.

Even if she was nice to you this is annoying.

Two words- information diet.

Just don’t tell your brother anything when he asks. Either lie about who did it or ignore the message and move the conversation on to something else.

Yes I think YABU because you're not children.

I'd have absolutely no problem with telling anyone where I got anything, because it's no skin off my nose if they want to do the same thing.

The only thing that would irk me is that she's going through your brother, rather than texting you herself.

I think it shows she admires you. might get a little annoying but I'd be flattered think if it was me.

I would be annoyed also. I feel like if you got on it would be easier to call her out for copying you! Why don't you get on?

Just say a friend did it. Or say you did it yourself.

Send him back a screenshot compilation of all the times he’s asked. Then point out that you don’t mind being asked the odd time, but it’s getting weird now and you’re not going to reply anymore.

I think YABU, immature and petty.

I can totally understand why this would annoy you. Would make me feel a bit used by SIL.

However, if you don't tell them it might make you sound a bit petty and you'll come off looking worse.

I'd prob tell the truth when I have to and half truths when that will suffice and selective amnesia at times too lol. Prob a 60pc 20pc 20pc approach lol

I really don't understand what difference it makes to you and your life if she does use the same suppliers/ things

Isn't there a saying about imitation being the highest form of flattery?

Just tell her. How does it harm you? You'll be doing a favour for a business who relies on word of mouth. Don't be so childish.

This seems very petty. If anything see it as your giving local businesses more business

YABU because you’re not in school and she’s not trying to copy your homework.

It’s annoying, but imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, she clearly thinks a lot of the choices you make and has no faith in her own so why not be the bigger person (and secretly smug at your own superior taste and research skills if that makes you feel better)

I wouldn't tell them. She doesn't appreciate the information, she just wants to copy everything with no gratitude at all. She can text you herself is she wants to info!

You sound both immature and petty. Who cares, honestly, if she wants to spend her life copying you?

If I find something good I can’t wait to let others know. Most of my friends are the same. Can’t understand why you wouldn’t share good experiences of suppliers etc especially now.

YABU, who really cares?

I don’t see why she should thank you. You’ve done nothing except provide a contact to your brother. Your brother. Who definitely should be texting back to your reply with the details, “thanks!”

She’s getting the blame here, but maybe if he stepped up and researched / organised something he’d stop asking you?

Although it seems a bit SWF, there’s probably loads age organised that you don’t know about. Some people like recommendations 🤷🏻‍♀️

Does your brother - the one actually asking - ever thank you?

One response to your brother's texts would be to tell him to get his wife to give you a call & you'll be happy to have a chat with her about it. It's petty not to share information unless it is about something very personal & meaningful you've spent ages researching, but if they buy the same fridge as you who cares. On the other hand it is very rude of her to not bother to contact you herself but get your brother to do so, so she either cares enough about the item to make the effort to be polite enough to approach you directly or she doesn't. Obviously don't share information you don't want to regardless of how she tries to get it, you can be vague, forgetful or just say whatever will work to end the conversation - can't remember, a friend got it for you etc

Of course don't tell her, and just lie about the cake.

Life is far too short for this kind of childish behaviour and get annoyed. She can find someone else to copy.

The world is full of people with low self-esteeme who can't think for themselves, just look at Kate Middleton: any dress she wears sells out within 2 hours - and most of the copidiots don't have her body shape or style to pull the outfits off.

Don't waste your energy on your SIL, it's not worth it.

"Of course don't tell her, and just lie about the cake.

Life is far too short for this kind of childish behaviour"

Eh? Surely lying is more childish than just saying who made the cake?

NopeIf she hasn't got the good grace to even acknowledge or thank you for providing her with information so she can blatently copy then I wouldn't say.

"Brother, what's with all this asking where I got things so you can have the same. I use google to find what I want, I suggest you do this too"

This sounds childish and petty as does the advice to lie. Either pass on the information with generosity by suggesting she contacts you directly or behave like a grown up and tell your brother how you feel.