To not want to share with SIL the suppliers used for my daughters birthday

[L3monDrops]

SIL (brothers wife) and I do not have the best relationship for countless reasons which I can specify if necessary. However we are always civil and polite and that is sufficient. She constantly gets my brother to contact me to ask where I have got x, y and z from or who did I use for x, y and z. Examples being where we bought our fireplace which she now has in her living room, who did my hair for a wedding we recently attended and she has now booked the same hair stylist for her own upcoming event. She does this with countless things and has never once thanked me or even acknowledged that she has copied me. My brother will simply text me asking about said thing, I will provide the info and she will go out and copy. And it takes me a very long time to research and find these items/suppliers.

My daughters birthday is round the corner and I am planning to have someone come in to do some nice themed decor, a nice cake and a local chef will be providing me with the food, I just have to cook it. I just know that I am going to be asked either there and then or via text from my brother not long after who did x, y and z for the party so that they can use the same people. AIBU to not want to share this information and perhaps even lie about who I’ve used and claim some old friends helped me out as a one off but aren’t doing it as a business?

So childish and immature. Does it really matter?

@LillianBland

I think many if the posters that expect OP to be nice, either missed this or are used to being passive/doormats. I’ll gladly help decent people, but I wouldn’t expect anyone to help me, that I don’t get on with.

SIL (brothers wife) and I do not have the best relationship for countless reasons which I can specify if necessary.

No, I saw that. I'm not suggesting she has to be nice. Just honest.

You don't sound very nice.

I will never understand this petty "She copied me!" nonsense between grown women. If someone admired my taste that much, I'd be flattered. How does it affect you in any way at all? You clearly don't like the woman and are looking for excuses to whinge about her.

Does she have exact same fireplace or just same shop? And loads people go to other peoples hairdressers. If you dont want to say about dd birthday stuff just be vague and dont get back to her

Wow how petty

@Eng123

*And it takes me a very long time to research and find these items/suppliers

Maybe she doesn't have the time/interest. Choosing a fire place or a birthday cake isn't really too much of a for filling activity for most of us. We just want some form of a known quality about such things. Take it as a compliment, she trusts your judgment.

the bitchiness on these threads is fantastic

Oh ffs just grow up!

Whilst in normal times I would be tempted to not share. Personally in these strange times I would see it as helping a business stay afloat.

Just see it as a kindness to the people whos services you're using maybe?

How do you expect businesses to survive? If People ask you... because they liked what you have done and your going to like or not tell people where you got something then you’re just childish.

If you really want to have fun. Get a stencil of a huge tattoo or something and see if she copies.

Did you invite hairdressers!? If no then she isn't copying you. I think this is probably the car of when you don’t like someone everything about them bothers you. Op just be flattered that she thinks you have good taste, it’s done after you’ve used them anyway so it doesn’t really matter!

Invent hairdresser not invite* bloody autocorrect

I think many if the posters that expect OP to be nice, either missed this or are used to being passive/doormats.

The words 'be nice' are overrated. They are also used very, very rarely in relation to men. Women are by no means the only guilty parties when it comes to all that 'keeping up with the Joneses' nonsense. But it's funny that it's an attitude which more often than not is almost exclusively associated with women.

It's OP's brother she passed the information to, who is willingly acting as a go-between as to the identity of hairdresses et al, and whose fireplace is now sporting a shiny carbon copy of his sister's. If OP dislikes the cloning of her material possessions it might be better to take it up with him. Otherwise, the solution is simple. If someone asks you for information you don't want to share with them, don't give it.

Interesting how often dissent within families is so often blamed on the women who marry their sons/brothers.

Even on a bad day I wouldn’t be able to drum up even the slightest amount of annoyance over this. Fair enough if you were an interior designer or party planner and she was trying to use your services for free. But you’re just a normal person going about their normal life and your SIL just wants some recommendations. No biggie.

pfft. imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. she admires your taste.

where is the skin off your nose if she goes to the same hairdresser?

also if you like those businesses, surely you'd like to ensure that those small enterprises can keep going and get work?

Nah, if she can’t even be nice then say you did it/ ant remember/help from friends etc

Unless you think she'll get them to copy your party, I'd say YABU. You probably know other people that use them anyway.

". My brother will simply text me asking about said thing, I will provide the info and she will go out and copy. And it takes me a very long time to research and find these items/suppliers."
So your brother asked you about a fireplace and then it appeared in his house. Why are you blaming her?
Also it takes you a long time to research, really? Are you also the sort of person who thinks booking holidays is a full time job?

I think YABU, immature and petty

This. Where do people find the time and energy to be so preoccupied with this utterly meaningless shit?

Tell her to do her own research and help a different local business, I know someone like this who gets everyone else to do the legwork.

You can if you want. Be sure to tell the supplier you'll be sabotaging them by word of mouth though it may affect the price.

Isn't there a saying about imitation being the highest form of flattery?

I take it you've never seen Single White Female?

It sounds really petty because most people literally wouldn’t care if a relative used the same hair stylist or caterer. But there is clearly a lot of backstory here, which may change everything!

Agree it all sounds a bit silly but if it bothers you just lie or deflect.