Serious? Do men know the slightest about women

[Gothamgirl1970]

Posting here for traffic and opinions.

As it’s 3 am and I am posting it’s because I simply am perplexed and need the hive mind.
Dating apps: presumably a person joins up because they would like to meet someone for company, to find love, just a shag or probably 100 other reasons I can’t contemplate this late.
I’m not sure if this holds true for all age groups but what I’ve observed is in men 46-58. In the profile area you can post some photos if you wish. A lot of men do but write no bio which tells me nothing and essentially they are just a body.
Here’s my serious question. Approximately 60% of men with photos lead the opening photo of themselves In Lycra gear with a helmet and sunglasses on, a bit of mud displaying their bicycle with pride. In many cases all 3 photos will be man and bike. Mid flight, crossing some finish line etc.
I know lots of women who are also befuddled by why a man would think bike photos would interest any woman in him at all. Shouldn’t they put a photo that shows the face, and is in a friendly happy pose?
What is it these cycle mad men are trying to convey? I cycle most of the time so I won’t have any time to spend with you? I want a woman who will cycle with me ? Look at my bike it’s impressive? I look decent in Lycra?
Please help. My friends and I are dying to know why they do this and what they are trying to communicate and further who are they thinking they can attract with this?

AIBU to not have to look at literally hundreds of cycling photos?

I think it's much like the older man who uses a ten year old photo of himself on somebody else's yacht.. they think they look good

Men have no interest in pandering to women because most of them think they should be accepted just as they are.

Women feel they need to improve themselves, market themselves, lose weight, put on makeup, remove every hair from eyebrows down because they feel like they aren't enough.

Most men just go tada, here I am, fat, useless, ugly, sweaty, self obsessed, bike obsessed or whatever they are and some poor deluded woman will take them on anyway.

I think it's partly to give the impression of being non lazy/active etc, and possibly also to deter overweight women.

I think perhaps they think it shows them as sporty, active, fit, with a social life?

What DancingCatGif said. Spot on!

@DancingCatGif

Men have no interest in pandering to women because most of them think they should be accepted just as they are.

Women feel they need to improve themselves, market themselves, lose weight, put on makeup, remove every hair from eyebrows down because they feel like they aren't enough.

Most men just go tada, here I am, fat, useless, ugly, sweaty, self obsessed, bike obsessed or whatever they are and some poor deluded woman will take them on anyway.

Possibly, but not for long. That's why there's so many tossers out there

I have been OLD since just before Xmas. Yes I have seen some men posing with their bikes but not as many as you seem to have. I think they post these pics to show they are fit and healthy and enjoy outdoor activities. I don’t see what the problem is with that. Certainly preferable to other pictures I’ve seen of guys who photograph themselves sitting down or standing in their living rooms or hallway or landing which are all pretty bland and non descript. I agree with you that it’s annoying when they don’t complete the profile but I think some of these are either scammers or have created the profile for free and not got as far as paying to join the site so there are profiles out there which the site use to make it look like they have more members than they actually do. It’s a minefield but I’ve found once you get used to it and learn what to avoid there are some great genuine, interesting men out there. Good luck and keep searching. It’s like panning for gold - you have to sift through a lot of crap but there are some priceless nuggets to be found if you’re lucky and stay focused on what you really want! 😀

Well if they have no bio write up, are wearing a helmet and sunglasses so you can’t see their face or head god only knows what’s underneath. Also in these photos that appear to be related to racing they are surrounded by other middle aged men and their bikes with no woman in sight. To my understanding this type of cycling is a pretty solo endeavour not really proving a social life.
I’m not being flip I’m 50 and trying to figure this dating out as it’s totally different to years ago and middle aged women do have questions.
@DancingCatGif I see your point but interestingly the take me as I am men who often aren’t on the high end of physical attractiveness feel they are entitled to a super model.
@ForrestTrump thanks for the comment. So all it really requires to succeed here for a woman to be slim? That’s a top or the top requirement/desire?

Thanks for the comment. So all it really requires to succeed here for a woman to be slim? That’s a top or the top requirement/desire?

Well, I certainly think men in general seem to be more preoccupied with looks, although of course with OLD looks are usually the first thing to strike you as it's all you have to go by until you click on their photo (as opposed to a social situation where to you might be talking in a group etc and be attracted by somebody's humour or personality).

I definitely notice that men are prepared to put up with a lot more grief from an attractive woman, which may explain why there are so many attractive women with 'princess' selected as their personality type on OLD.

So what photos should they post

We just drove up one of the big alpine passes on holiday and on either side there is a photographer taking pictures of the cyclists, who can then order a copy at the shop at the top of the pass. Maybe the thinking goes "well I paid 30 euros for this shot of me turning my way up the Stelvio, I'd better get my money's worth?"

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Give me a man who is into cycling than one who spends a lot of time at the pub and on the sofa watching football.

@Northernparent68 if his passion is cycling I think one cycling photo is appropriate but not all 3 or 4 with a totally obscured head and no bio.

Likewise if a woman had a passion for fencing and all her photos were of her fencing in the kit with her head totally covered and no bio I don’t think many men would be interested in that.

I’m middle aged and single and lonely. Even if I found the man to be the most stunning man I had ever laid eyes on, with no bio I wouldn’t chose him for even a coffee meet. Handsome is great but you have to talk at some point and if you have absolutely nothing in common and perhaps things that you would not accept (drug use, politics opposing, anyone being a convicted criminal or any of your personal “no way “ list, you’ve wasted both your time. I agree with @@ForrestTrump**@ForrestTrump in that many men don’t even read your profile , they chose you on your photo alone whilst women have a wider span of what they find attractive but also want to know about the man.

When a person is selected by their photo alone, it dehumanises them as objects. Of course you must find the person pleasing in some physical way but also find some common interest or mention something about themselves that is intriguing and makes you want to know more.
I’m considered attractive and I am slim but those are the least important things about me. That’s a lucky gene pool dip.
At my age and older I feel blessed to look well preserved but like everyone else we all age and I won’t look like this forever. I will wrinkle and show other signs of aging. I feel that having a little blurb about yourself is way more enticing than multiple photos where your sport kit hides your identity and face.

I know lots of women who are also befuddled by why a man would think bike photos would interest any woman in him at all

It would interest me. Suggests he’s fit, healthy, active and with outside interests and friends. (Plus I get to check out his body even if not his face). Plus I cycle too

@ZaraW I agree that exercise is better than the alternative, but if you look in the dating and relationship areas, it seems that middle aged men take up or re take up cycling. In so many posts wives are being left home weeknights while their partner travels, and Get s in a few hours in the evening, but the friction issue seems to be weekends when the cycle time is about 5-6 houtzu

I do think the weight thing is very similar to how many women won't date a short guy tbh. It's not nice but it's how things are.

I believe the term for the men discussed above is 'MAMILS' (middle aged men in lycra). 🤭

@DancingCatGif

Men have no interest in pandering to women because most of them think they should be accepted just as they are.

Women feel they need to improve themselves, market themselves, lose weight, put on makeup, remove every hair from eyebrows down because they feel like they aren't enough.

Most men just go tada, here I am, fat, useless, ugly, sweaty, self obsessed, bike obsessed or whatever they are and some poor deluded woman will take them on anyway.

Never have I read a more true statement with regards to online dating.

We are like show homes. Manicured lawns, perfectly positioned and well decorated.
Men are like a renovation job. 'Has potential 'good first investment' 'could do with a source up.

Men would never look at the female equivalent of themselves and think 'she has potential, she's probably nice, likes her hobbies but I'm sure she'd have time for me'.

Hence why you never see a very average woman (by societies standard) with a classic good looking man. It barely occurs. If it does we all question and are perplexed by it. Nobody questioned that lumpy lout Weinstein and his model type wife.
It's the crazy world.

You've got me all excited now, I've never done internet dating but love speedboats so all I'd have to do is try to look pretty and ask if someone wants to whisk me around?

But make clear no sex involved? Actually I'll have to wait until I can afford my own :(

Don't fancy fending off anyone.

Thanks everyone for being gentle with me while I try to navigate this new world.

I’m learning lots of other new things I never knew (I don’t have kids to keep me current)

Ethical non monogamy was something I had never heard of. It’s not for me but it seems to be working out for people who are less uptight than me.

Separated can mean anything from I wish I was divorced to the decree absolut is expected and the former spouse lives in another country.

Some people put photos that include their children which seems to me to not be safe or sensible.

Some of the gents seem to have a canned intro message they use with everyone.

The anonymity I think makes folks more bold in their questions and communication which I don’t know if they would communicate in person.

It’s amazing I get nearly identical initial intros: something like “are you really 50? Or you look great for 50” Botox is the secret.

And I have been asked several times how much I weigh. I find this amusing and rude at the same time. Amusing because men seem to have no concept of an appropriate weight. So they will ask how tall I am (which is on my profile “ just on 5’8. And then they tell you the weight that is the top weight they will accept in a woman. It’s ranged from 48-50kg (if that was my weight I’d be headed likely to an anorexia unit) to 100kg which means I’d need a serious diet because I’d be exceptionally over weight. Weight does seem to be a big deal!

It's not that all men are weird.

It's just that men who join dating sites are weird.

Nobody questioned that lumpy lout Weinstein and his model type wife.

I think people do judge couples where the woman is clearly with the man for his wealth. The man is seen as sleazy, wanting a trophy wife etc, and the woman is seen as a gold digger.

@speakout sadly I'd say that's true. There is a far larger proportion of normal, sane, attractive women than of men. All the normal men get picked up pretty early.

Millions of nice normal women on online dating, millions of oddball men.