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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Serious? Do men know the slightest about women

335 replies

Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 03:19

Posting here for traffic and opinions.

As it’s 3 am and I am posting it’s because I simply am perplexed and need the hive mind.
Dating apps: presumably a person joins up because they would like to meet someone for company, to find love, just a shag or probably 100 other reasons I can’t contemplate this late.
I’m not sure if this holds true for all age groups but what I’ve observed is in men 46-58. In the profile area you can post some photos if you wish. A lot of men do but write no bio which tells me nothing and essentially they are just a body.
Here’s my serious question. Approximately 60% of men with photos lead the opening photo of themselves In Lycra gear with a helmet and sunglasses on, a bit of mud displaying their bicycle with pride. In many cases all 3 photos will be man and bike. Mid flight, crossing some finish line etc.
I know lots of women who are also befuddled by why a man would think bike photos would interest any woman in him at all. Shouldn’t they put a photo that shows the face, and is in a friendly happy pose?
What is it these cycle mad men are trying to convey? I cycle most of the time so I won’t have any time to spend with you? I want a woman who will cycle with me ? Look at my bike it’s impressive? I look decent in Lycra?
Please help. My friends and I are dying to know why they do this and what they are trying to communicate and further who are they thinking they can attract with this?

AIBU to not have to look at literally hundreds of cycling photos?

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7
Angelofdeath · 29/08/2020 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IDontMindMarmite · 29/08/2020 07:48

@Gothamgirl1970 I'm very sorry about your husband. You seem lovely and if I were a guy, i'd fall over myself for you Smile

Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 07:54

@Angelofdeath that’s exactly what I mean. More than one photo. Usually 3. All of man and bike and seemingly taken on the same day with the helmet and sunglasses on in each. The only thing you could determine was that the bike was a very prized and precious well loved possession that these men are proud of due to the photos being posed. Holding bike high overhead. Man wearing a medal and pointing at bike like the bike knew he was sharing the accolade with it. Man on bike stationary looking down lovingly and pointing at the make of the bike which if I recollect was called lightspeed or lightsabre it definitely started with light. This particular chaps bike was yellow and he had it pimped out with yellow accessories such as where your hands go had special yellow matching handles etc. This is way beyond a hobby and this isn’t unique to one individual

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Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 07:57

@Rainonplain as I said this was a very short try so I don’t need to avoid anything because it’s not for me.

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popcornlover · 29/08/2020 07:58

Most men just go tada, here I am, fat, useless, ugly, sweaty, self obsessed, bike obsessed or whatever they are and some poor deluded woman will take them on anyway

I totally agree, but also I have known some women exactly like that also, and they do get lucky! They were not interesting or motivated people, they just wanted to be looked after.

I think women just need to remove themselves from OLD. It’s the only way to address the “disposable” issue.

Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 07:59

@IDontMindMarmite what a sweet thing to say. You have me made up!

OP posts:
testing987654321 · 29/08/2020 08:00

Men have no interest in pandering to women because most of them think they should be accepted just as they are.

To be fair to men, meeting someone who is attracted to you "as you are" should surely be a better basis for a relationship than someone acting a role that they know is attractive.

popcornlover · 29/08/2020 08:03

@Gothamgirl1970

So are bikes the new fish/dolphin/tiger? Or have they replaced all the photos that men take with the obligatory female (ex-gf/current gf/sister if you’re lucky) as their main pic? I remember that used to be so weird!

I’m all for fit and healthy, but I do agree about cycling - from dating someone briefly I saw into that world. It’s an obsessive behaviour for these men. It made me back off from that guy... He’s still single and more than ever obsessed with bikes.

RowboatsinDisguise · 29/08/2020 08:04

If me or DH had to join dating sites, our photos would definitely be of us doing sporting activities 😬😬😬

TwilightPeace · 29/08/2020 08:05

I think it’s great. Let’s you know very clearly that he’s a bike wanker and you should avoid.

The other day on Hinge I saw on a guys profile “I want a girl who.....can find room for herself between my weights, bike equipment and techy stuff....good luck 🤷🏻‘.
Took every ounce of my strength not to write ‘Wow you sound like a catch’ to him.
But again at least he’s letting you know he’s a selfish twat who expects you to slot in to his life and will never prioritise you.

BillywilliamV · 29/08/2020 08:06

I would publish a picture of me emptying the washing machine, its what I seem to spend my bloody life doing.

Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 08:07

@popcornlover that’s brilliant. I’m not as eloquent as you are but share the same sentiment. I said to my brother because many men had shared they had dated (to me) an astronomical amount of women in a relatively short period of time. I appreciated his honesty and if I recollect correctly he averaged 4 different women a week for 18 months. He mentioned initially he started with dinners but that got expensive so he downgraded to coffee meetings. I asked him if there was some common trait that he needed but wasn’t finding because surely based on the sheer volume of women he had met there had to be at least one suitable woman in the group. His response:

I met many nice ladies that could have been suitable but what it actually is for me is that there are so many available women, what if I chose one and then I see one that could be a bit better!

I said to my brother about this “it’s like women are cars and many men just want to take as many as possible for test drives!”

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GoodBoyDoggy · 29/08/2020 08:08

Sunglasses for anonymity.
Lycra to show body
Bike to show hobby and indicate stamina, they dont want a couch potato though if you do not look like a couch potato that seems to be good enough (what forresttrump said).
Bios are awkward so they put a photo doing an activity/hobby.. men get so few messages they wont care what you say to them.

Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 08:10

Oh gosh I didn’t even get on to the married ones yet.

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Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 08:13

@GoodBoyDoggy if you are actually single why anonymously? One Lycra photo shows fitness. 3 4 or 5 is just self masterbation

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pictish · 29/08/2020 08:14

The cycling photos wouldn’t bother me. It’s a good sign. He’s active, likes the outdoors, doesn’t just sit around on a sofa eating and watching trash. I wouldn’t date a couch potato thanks. Would far rather a MAMIL than a telly watching, junk stuffing sofa dweller. I cycle too...love mountain biking. He can be out with his bike mates while I’m distance trail running and we can go hillwalking together.
I’d definitely be wanting to see some evidence of outdoorsy pursuits and a basic level of fitness and activity before proceeding.

GoodBoyDoggy · 29/08/2020 08:15

Some men and women find it embarrassing to be on online dating.. some just dont want to be recognised. Job, crazy exes, family and friends on it...

Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 08:16

@Angelofdeath PM?

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GoodBoyDoggy · 29/08/2020 08:18

Dont some websites gives you incentives to add more photos, like it unlocks some features? It does say you get x many times more interest with more photos so if that all they want to put out there they just upload more of the same.

Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 08:19

@GoodBoyDoggy if you’re embarrassed as a grown man to live your life exactly how you choose and answer to yourself with no apologies then wearing a disguise makes you a pussy and weak so you shouldn’t be on there at all if you’re completely lacking in backbone

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DancingCatGif · 29/08/2020 08:20

I think women are better at things like writing bios or choosing good photos too. We spend comparatively more time discussing stuff like that with friends or reading articles about it. I know my husband never sits around discussing relationship stuff with his friends. I mean, if I ask him "how's x doing, did he get together with that woman he was dating?", 90% of the time, I get a "dunno" in response, whereas I know the ins and outs of my friends' personal lives.

Iwonder08 · 29/08/2020 08:21

OP, I think it is very good these men post MAMIL pictures, it helps you to filter them out straight away!
They probably think it would convince people they are active and fit

DancingCatGif · 29/08/2020 08:22

@GoodBoyDoggy that's a bit harsh. Some people are just private. I have never tried online dating but I wouldn't want everyone in my life to know I was doing it. Not because I'm embarrassed, I just like to maintain boundaries.

Original poster
Gothamgirl1970 · 29/08/2020 08:22

@GoodBoyDoggy I can’t answer that. I paid full price for my service so I didn’t have to do anything to unlock features

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RedRec · 29/08/2020 08:23

Just wait until you get to my age, OP, and you will see lots of men holding big fish.
I do get the occasional cycling/ lycra clad one and don't really mind that, apart from that they are slimmer and probably weigh less than me.