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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be utterly disgusted by "DDLG"?

199 replies

BumbleBeeeeeee · 26/08/2020 20:13

On a Facebook mum group, someone started a thread about kinks. No problem with kinky things whatsoever, do whatever you want in your own home. But someone mentioned the acronym DDLG which was explained to mean "daddy dom/little girl". Ie female/"sub" pretending to be a child in the bedroom. Talk of sticker books and colouring in and pretending to be a certain age, more often than not toddler/preschool age.
That mothers can do this and happily have kids with men who want to fuck them while they're pretending to be children is absolutely vile and shocking.
It cant just be me?!

OP posts:
Goosefoot · 27/08/2020 06:45

That's right. And when you have a morally unacceptable thought you stop it going any further. You say to yourself 'that's a horrible thought, I won't pursue it' just like you might have thoughts of hitting your child or swearing at your boss. It's fine and natural to think it but you stop yourself doing it. Every adult is capable of managing their own thoughts.

I suspect many people are actually not all that aware that this is a good idea, or even possible.

Along the same lines, many people don't realise that thoughts are not always benign, and the kinds of thoughts you chose to encourage can affect you in negative or positive ways. They can change your responses and perceptions.

Since the 60s there has been a significant narrative that says that if something only remains in your thoughts, it is simply fantasy and has no further effects. The idea that an idea that is pursued a lot in the mind is very likely to influence behaviour to some extent isn't really explored in any depth, although people often talk about mind body connections in other contexts. During the same period, the idea that mental self-disapline is something that we need to practice to get better at, has also gone by the wayside.

I suspect many people would have little idea of where to start in avoiding thoughts like that at all, they have no experience of trying to do something like that. When people do find themselves having very disturbing thoughts they often try and repress/deny them rather than suppress them in a more conscious way, as they don't know the latter is possible and they are frightened of the thoughts, which is not necessarily a great approach.

joystir59 · 27/08/2020 06:55

Sorry I stand corrected. According to the most recent ONS data the figure is 7.5% not 25% www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/childsexualabuseinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2019

Toontown · 27/08/2020 07:03

There is something deeply wrong with a person that even links childlikeness to sexual gratification. If your partner male or female suggests such a thing and you go along with it you need to have a hard look at yourself. Its so fucked up and to consider it otherwise is normalising the link.

Thedogscollar · 27/08/2020 07:07

Fecking weirdos

twoHopes · 27/08/2020 07:41

I think it's totally naive to say that what goes on behind closed doors between consenting adults is no one else's business.

The normalisation of certain fetishes, especially BDSM, (mainly driven by porn) is having a massive negative impact on young people's sexuality. How would you feel about your teenage daughter engaging in this? I typed DDLG into Google (with safe search on) and some of the first links that came up were Reddit posts from girls aged 16 and 14 talking about engaging in this.

Most of my single friends in their twenties have had one night stands where they've been spat on, slapped or choked without their consent. One even had a guy wrap a belt around her neck. The growing normalisation of men dominating and humiliating women in the bedroom is not good for women and girls.

BubblyBarbara · 27/08/2020 09:29

And when you have a morally unacceptable thought you stop it going any further. You say to yourself 'that's a horrible thought, I won't pursue it'

That’s what we do but clearly it has been normalised not to do so otherwise we wouldn’t have all this BDSM, people weeing and pooing on each other, humiliation, and similar disturbing sexual practices going on and even being celebrated

EvaHoffman · 27/08/2020 09:40

twohopes

*I think it's totally naive to say that what goes on behind closed doors between consenting adults is no one else's business.

The normalisation of certain fetishes, especially BDSM, (mainly driven by porn) is having a massive negative impact on young people's sexuality.*

I totally agree! This idea about 'two consenting adults in private=anything goes' where does it come from? The bedroom isn't a parallel universe. It's still you, your body. It's still real life!

Cadent · 27/08/2020 12:25

Whilst I couldn’t think of anything less attractive than an adult scampering around in a diaper and baby bonnet, I would give the benefit of the doubt and say it’s the adult they are attracted to.

TinaBennington · 27/08/2020 23:20

You all just don't get it. Most of the time I have to have so much control in my life. The stresses of a high powered job, money worries, a child with additional needs... Sometimes you just have to let go. I regress to a childlike state because it's therapeutic and a massive stress relief. To be young and free and not think about the responsibilities of life for a bit. To wear cute clothes and feel safe and cuddled in some cute pjs with some stuffed toys. My partner reads me stories, gives me baths and cuddles me because he loves me and the time bonds us and brings us closer together. He is not a pervert. He has zero interest in children. The thought of anything like that makes us both sick to our stomach and we believe paedos should be castrated! We are two adults, indulging in something in private (or with people we are comfortable around) that makes us both feel better and happy. I call him daddy. Yes we have sex. He's my partner of 4 years! Yes sometimes I am in a 'little' headspace. But I'm still a 36 year old woman and he is attracted to me because I have a woman's body and a woman's mind. You all really shouldn't be so quick to judge. We are part of a community and we meet up for events together. They aren't perverted orgies. They aren't sexual. We colour pictures, we make things, we decorate cookies, we do puzzles and have story time. Occasionally we even get as decadent as playing pass the parcel. It's a wonderful way to spend an afternoon and you'd be surprised at just how therapeutic it is. In my 10 years in this community, I have experienced one actual paedo who thought it would be a good place for him to meet young girls. He was very quickly sussed out, totally ostracized and subsequently arrested. There's horrible disgusting people in every walk of life. Please don't tar us all with the same brush.

unmarkedbythat · 27/08/2020 23:37

MN needs to keep its collective nose out of other people's bedrooms.

TitsOutForHarambe · 28/08/2020 03:12

I really can't get too worked up about what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom. Some of the responses on here are ridiculous.

Graciebobcat · 28/08/2020 03:23

I would take it up on Facebook. Get them kicked out of the group. Report them to Facebook if necessary.

Stripesgalore · 28/08/2020 03:28

This is completely repulsive.

If only people did keep it in the privacy of their bedrooms.

Graciebobcat · 28/08/2020 03:50

Exactly, the issue is people not keeping it in their bedrooms but going on about it all over a bloody parenting group!

MordredsOrrery · 28/08/2020 07:46

I never cease to be amazed at how people can justify almost anything to themselves if they think they're getting something out of it, and to hell with any other considerations. Not to mention a complete refusal to consider the wider implications.

Why not see a therapist instead?

MadameBlobby · 28/08/2020 07:49

@TinaBennington

You all just don't get it. Most of the time I have to have so much control in my life. The stresses of a high powered job, money worries, a child with additional needs... Sometimes you just have to let go. I regress to a childlike state because it's therapeutic and a massive stress relief. To be young and free and not think about the responsibilities of life for a bit. To wear cute clothes and feel safe and cuddled in some cute pjs with some stuffed toys. My partner reads me stories, gives me baths and cuddles me because he loves me and the time bonds us and brings us closer together. He is not a pervert. He has zero interest in children. The thought of anything like that makes us both sick to our stomach and we believe paedos should be castrated! We are two adults, indulging in something in private (or with people we are comfortable around) that makes us both feel better and happy. I call him daddy. Yes we have sex. He's my partner of 4 years! Yes sometimes I am in a 'little' headspace. But I'm still a 36 year old woman and he is attracted to me because I have a woman's body and a woman's mind. You all really shouldn't be so quick to judge. We are part of a community and we meet up for events together. They aren't perverted orgies. They aren't sexual. We colour pictures, we make things, we decorate cookies, we do puzzles and have story time. Occasionally we even get as decadent as playing pass the parcel. It's a wonderful way to spend an afternoon and you'd be surprised at just how therapeutic it is. In my 10 years in this community, I have experienced one actual paedo who thought it would be a good place for him to meet young girls. He was very quickly sussed out, totally ostracized and subsequently arrested. There's horrible disgusting people in every walk of life. Please don't tar us all with the same brush.
Even if it’s not paedophilic it’s still pretty damned weird and creepy. Nowt so queer as folk as they say. I watched a programme years ago about men who liked being treated like adult babies, bloody oddballs.
TinaBennington · 28/08/2020 08:25

@MordredsOrrery

I never cease to be amazed at how people can justify almost anything to themselves if they think they're getting something out of it, and to hell with any other considerations. Not to mention a complete refusal to consider the wider implications.

Why not see a therapist instead?

I don't see a therapist because I don't need one. Number one, I'm not going to go onto some NHS waiting list and take away a spot from someone who actually needs held. Number two, private therapy is very expensive. A little event is about £20. Number three, just because someone finds something therapeutic, doesn't mean they need therapy. I find massage and yoga therapeutic.

I don't need therapy. I'm not hurting anyone. I'm perfectly happy in the best relationship I've ever had. And I've had some pretty bad ones!

I do agree that this isn't a topic for Mumsnet, bit I didn't start the thread, but I have to provide a response as some people need to try to understand things a little better before being judge, jury and executioner. A lot of us do weird things. So what? If it's not hiring anyone, live and let live.

N.b. if you want to talk about weird, a large percentage of the population choose to suck on burning sticks of tar and cyanide, and blow the results all over unconsenting people in the street including children - to me that's messed up. But you can buy them at Tesco!

FemaleKerrAvon · 28/08/2020 09:08

Surely if talking about these things can dispel some myths that is a good thing? As previous posters have said this kink has nothing to do with being sexually attracted to children.

I’m also not convinced that it is possible to attribute the rise in interest in BDSM to porn.

I’ve known from a very early age that being submissive is natural to me. It’s just that with the internet I can now talk to like minded people about it.

In my case it certainly hasn’t been driven by men. It’s taken years to convince my DH to participate in and feel comfortable with what I want. When I was dating I found most men were deeply opposed to doing anything of that nature.

Cadent · 28/08/2020 09:21

@Graciebobcat

Exactly, the issue is people not keeping it in their bedrooms but going on about it all over a bloody parenting group!
But MN is also a parenting group and it has a sex topic. The parenting groups are for adults, not children.
Aisforharlot · 28/08/2020 09:40

I'm kinky but this has always squicked me out deeply, despite the party line being that we're not meant to judge other's kinks.

My experience as a sex worker (thankfully brief) with this was pretty disturbing... the guy had two grown daughters and I wondered what he thought of them when they were the age he wanted me to pretend to be.

TheChampagneGalop · 28/08/2020 10:16

the party line being that we're not meant to judge other's kinks.

The party line is bullshit. It's a gift to abusive men especially that you can never criticize their kinks. And DDLG is a gift to abusive pedo-leaning men who can now have a "little" to "play" with 24/7.

TheChampagneGalop · 28/08/2020 10:27

Example
Someone new to DDLG asking for help because her partner is mean to her when he is drunk and she is only allowed to answer "yes daddy"
What a healthy dynamic!

To be utterly disgusted by "DDLG"?
TheChampagneGalop · 28/08/2020 10:28

Oops the screenshot is unreadible. I didn't want to link to the actual forum.

Someone9 · 28/08/2020 10:28

So many freaks out there 🤮

Stripesgalore · 28/08/2020 10:50

Tina, your response isn’t dispelling myths. It is making it sound even more vile with this talk of ‘cute’ clothes.

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