To be utterly disgusted by "DDLG"?

[BumbleBeeeeeee]

On a Facebook mum group, someone started a thread about kinks. No problem with kinky things whatsoever, do whatever you want in your own home. But someone mentioned the acronym DDLG which was explained to mean "daddy dom/little girl". Ie female/"sub" pretending to be a child in the bedroom. Talk of sticker books and colouring in and pretending to be a certain age, more often than not toddler/preschool age.
That mothers can do this and happily have kids with men who want to fuck them while they're pretending to be children is absolutely vile and shocking.
It cant just be me?!

I don't mind kink, it can be fun as a one off, and I dont' mind the mainstreaming of it generally, I'm all for a bit of variety and live and let live.

I live in a city with a reputation for kink and so many of my friends and work colleagues have been involved, one way or another at some point. I don't think some of it is actually kinky as such, some is just people with relationships that cross some boundaries (like the polyamorous triad who are really normal in every other way) and they just get on with their lives. But lots of the BDSM stuff (which DDLG is a part of) has people who aren't just trying something and adding it to a wide repertoire, they're making it a lifestyle. Instead of adding variety and expanding what they experience, it has become a box that they put themselves in and reframe their conformity around.

I find the DDLG kink particularly nauseating but not because I think it's verging on pedophilia for the men. If they were actually attracted to young girls a grown woman pretending to be one wouldn't do it for them. These women are clearly grown women and if you've been unfortunate enough to socialise with a kink lifestyles like this are openly accepted you'll realize that their "little girl" behaviour is nothing like real little girl behaviour, either. Most of the time it's infantilising themselves (and their partners in some ways), restricting the roles with which they interact with each other, and tends to be emotionally quite stilted. The women in particular seem to have a lot more mental health issues around anxiety and self-esteem.

It's really inauthentic yet they think they're being brave and adventurous.

At least, that's my take on it. Nevertheless, I don't think it's a concern in terms of encouraging pedophilia. There really isn't the cross over the name suggests. In terms of danger from kink I'm much more concerned about the normalization of breath play and the use of bdsm as a defense in murder and rape trials.

@BritWifeinUSA said
"I’d be very concerned about someone who needed their partner to look and behave like a child in order to feel sexually attracted to them. How would you feel if this person was fantasizing about your child?"

It's not about that though as I understand it. It's about the person who chooses to be a child for a while feeling safe and comforted (not sexually) while role-playing their younger self in that 'little space'. Similar to ASMR, it relaxes them, calms their chasing thoughts and relieves anxiety. They return to reality feeling soothed and comforted. In that relaxed state the can now enjoy sex.

For people who've suffered trauma in childhood it could be cathartic and ultimately healing, but only if it's not a turn on for the other person. That would be concerning.

Grim

@Stripesgalore

It also shows the nonsensical nature of the internet that people demand trigger warnings for everything, except apparently for people role playing child sexual abuse, because it would be kink shaming to claim that was triggering.

Tbf a lot of people do find it triggering.

@BumbleBeeeeeee

The normalisation of it all is irksome.

There's also a lot of talk of CNC which I have learned is "consensual non-consent" ie letting your partner pretend to rape you and pretending to want them to stop.

A man who is able to continue having sex with a woman who is actively trying to look upset and asking them to stop seems like a dangerous man indeed.

Lots of talk of how "genuine doms" are respectful and have boundaries/limits etc - fine, but if this is so normalised and inexperienced/opportunist men who really are rapists/pedos etc try to get involved and take advantage, it all feels very dangerous and unsettling.

I fear for my daughters.

Oh G-d that happened with a friend of a friend. She got her boyfriend to rape her in a graveyard and someone called the police on them cos they thought she was being raped for real.

Why the fuck do other people need to know about your kinks? I think people get a thrill out of putting it out there. And yeah, it’s linked to peadophilia and yes it’s wrong.

Honestly can't get worked up about what other people do in the privacy of their own homes. Sharing it on FB is a bit weird, but then FB is a bit weird period.

I also think it's a nonsense to suggest men who indulge in this are somehow repressed paedophiles. Paedophiles are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children. A grown, adult woman roleplaying some aspects of infant behaviour still has the body of a grown adult woman and doesn't sexually appeal to a paedophile the way an immature body would. It's like suggesting that a female bodied adult could put on a fireman's outfit, and suddenly become attractive to straight women with fireman fantasies.

@SoulofanAggron

It's 'just' a kink/role play. I don't think there's a link between it and being an actual paedo. The woman isn't actually a child after all, and both of them know that all along.

I once went on a date with a man who later revealed he had this fetish. I was disgusted so we didn't go on a second date.

Around the same time, he said to me that his last relationship ended because the woman felt he was too preoccupied with her little girl. Massive alarm bells were obviously going off at that point.

I don't think it's a leap to assume that some of these perverts are actually interested in little girls.

@OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow

Why the fuck do other people need to know about your kinks? I think people get a thrill out of putting it out there. And yeah, it’s linked to peadophilia and yes it’s wrong.

I dont get it either tbh. Like, why do you need to tell people? People who bang on about how kinky they are are obnoxious.

@SeasideMaiden

It's not just women role-playing as babies, toddlers or children - men do, too. Daddy-daughter little-girl is a more often used phrase for DD/LG. They're usually ABDL (adult baby diaper lovers) also. Some do take it further while in 'little space', but it very much is about an adult male or female being babied and cared for, not actual children. It's meant to be nurturing, and always consensual.

Please don't get the wrong idea. Yes I know a lot about that scene. But that's because I used to belong to some forums for kink, mine are much much less interesting or odd and in fact don't feel put off the ordinary at all. I left the forums because I was constantly approached by vile creepy men who got off on writing to me with these creepy fetish stories about what they'd do to me.

But it really isn't about children. It's very related to those awful puppy play people (cringe, so much cringe). Ugh.

For the person I mentioned in my post upthread, who had this fetish, it wasn't about nurturing, it was about sex. Wanting to infantilise me and then shag me. I found it deeply disturbing. He even revealed he was attracted to me because I looked so young at the time (I had a babyface.)

I got the impression with him that the desire to infantilise came from a desire to have power over; not a desire to nurture.

[quote thisgardenlife]@BritWifeinUSA said
"I’d be very concerned about someone who needed their partner to look and behave like a child in order to feel sexually attracted to them. How would you feel if this person was fantasizing about your child?"

It's not about that though as I understand it. It's about the person who chooses to be a child for a while feeling safe and comforted (not sexually) while role-playing their younger self in that 'little space'. Similar to ASMR, it relaxes them, calms their chasing thoughts and relieves anxiety. They return to reality feeling soothed and comforted. In that relaxed state the can now enjoy sex.

For people who've suffered trauma in childhood it could be cathartic and ultimately healing, but only if it's not a turn on for the other person. That would be concerning.[/quote]
Please don't compare this to ASMR, which is a totally non-sexual thing and nothing to do with this fucking weird fetish.

If it's not about sex as pp have said, then how is it a kink?

If it is a kink then it's seriously messed up to be role playing dad with child daughter, granted it's not "real" but c'mon!

For those saying what people do in the bedroom is up to them, yes of course it is, but would you feel comfortable having a child with such a person?

Yawn. It’s a fetish. There is also one where the man pretends to be a baby or child and the woman is his “babysitter” mother while they engage in sex play.

Then there are furries....people who dress up and pretend to be animals having sex. But sometimes only one is dressed as an animal....

There is no end to it.

Disgusting, anyone who pretends to be a child as an adult needs some sort of intervention seriously, if you need to regress and then have a man dom you to cope with life, you need some help equally so does the 'daddy'. I suspect that it is sexualy motivated and those men and women need to be on some sort of watch list. Sexualising children is not ok it doesnt matter if it's two consenting adults in their own home its fucking sick, probably some sort of gateway to being an active paedophile, people into weird stuff get bored and need to find the next thrill and a real child might be the next step, how scary is that.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX
Good post.
I similarly do not care what two consenting adults do in terms of imaginative sex role playing. Posters are letting their disgust override their good sense.

God, you only need to look at the DDLG hashtags and top accounts on IG to see that it’s clearly sexual and nothing remotely to do with just feeling safe.

Disgusting

That sounds really sick and messed up.
Especially when theres a lot of child abuse and paedophiles around

There is nothing wrong with fetishes, kinks, role.play...

But this to me is just really odd and quite sickening actually.

@JanMeyer

It's 'just' a kink/role play. I don't think there's a link between it and being an actual paedo.

What do you class as an "actual peado?" Do you think they're not a paedophile until they actually abuse a child? By defintion a paedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to children. If they're roleplaying scenarios involving children then chances are they are a paedophile.

Not necessarily - people tend to use the word paedophile a little broadly in everyday speech, but researchers say a lot of people who commit sex offences against young kids actually aren't peadophiles in the more technical sense. That sounds odd I know, but you could think about it in the same sense that someone who uses a sex toy might not really have a sexual interest in the sex toy.

A lot of those criminals end up abusing a kid in a sort of crime of opportunity scenario, and they often have other kids of social or behaviour deficits.

In some cases it seems to be the thrill of breaking a taboo, too, which I think is what is concerning about these kinds of fetishes. The problem being is that it doesn't take long for the taboo to seem more mundane and you have to take it up a notch. So it can change behaviour.

sarahlou63*
*
The human brain is capable of every type of thought. No one has the ability to stop those thoughts, only to distinguish between what's morally acceptable and what's not.

That's right. And when you have a morally unacceptable thought you stop it going any further. You say to yourself 'that's a horrible thought, I won't pursue it' just like you might have thoughts of hitting your child or swearing at your boss. It's fine and natural to think it but you stop yourself doing it. Every adult is capable of managing their own thoughts.

Our society fetishises young girls so it's not surprising these thoughts come into our heads. We're not powerless to resist them though. We can say 'yuck! I'm not going to do that' Simple. That's nothing to do with the thought police it's individual people deciding to take charge of what they choose to do.

And where does this idea come from that anything done in the privacy of the bedroom is ok? It plainly is not. For the sake of your mental health it's always best to align your inner and outer life. If you find it abhorrent in real life don't do it in the bedroom. Eg. If you'd be appalled if your DH abused your daughter then don't act it out dad/daughter in the bedroom.

Surely this 'kink' just reflects the reality that a lot of men are paedophilic? Most child sexual abuse takes place in the home and a quarter of children experience it. We as a society are still in denial about the fact that for a large proportion of men no female is ever too young.

Wait, 25% of children experience CSA? That’s not right surely?

In terms of danger from kink I'm much more concerned about the normalization of breath play and the use of bdsm as a defense in murder and rape trials.

Is 'breath play' choking and strangulation? If it is, I think you're helping normalise it by using such twee, innocent sounding terms.