To ask you to share which “tracking” app you use with your teens

[toetheline20]

If ppl can let me know which they prefer that would be great thanks. Son starting Y7 next week and he’s as ditsy as they come!

When does he learn independence and to take responsibility?

Me checking he's reached the house if I'm out has no bearing on his independence or responsibility. He'll often message me once he's home anyway but the first time he had to let himself in and I was stuck in hospital with my other dc, it was really reassuring that I could see he'd made it home...even though he tested me anyway.

Texted

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

WorraLiberty do you have young children?

My youngest is 17.

I never tracked him or his brothers. It's just never been a necessity in our family and I would've hated it if it had been a thing when I was growing up too.

Each to their own of course but I can't stand the idea.

@formerbabe

I message throughout the day depending on how long they are out for, just in a hows things way

Oh my god, that's so creepy and weird, leave the poor thing alone..he doesn't need to be texting mummy all day

When my DD was at school a couple of years ago, she said her DF would get messages all throughout the day from her mum. WTH?! Same girl when out shopping with DD and friends used to get messages every half hour asking if she was ok. The girls were in a group at a shopping centre, leave her alone fgs. My DD used to say by the end of the day her DF would have numerous texts and missed calls from her mum but she used to ignore her. She goes to uni in Sept wonder if her mother has a tracker for her yet?

*Why on earth would you track your children? How are they supposed to have any independence or grow up knowing that their every move is being watched?'

Oh fgs, hardly. I have the life 360 location sharing app for my 11 Yr old. It's main purpose is in case he loses his phone. Other than that I might check he's on his way home so I know when to put dinner on and that's about it. As others have said he'd never actually hear his phone if I were to text as its usually in his bag when he's playing football/on his bike etc.

But crime like this isn't just in London. Gun, knife and muggings etc happen in all big cities, and even not so big places across the country.

We have member here from some really dangerous countries for knife crime and worse. Do any of you track your kids?

Live 360

WorraLiberty
Did you ever put age restrictions on their internet or say no phones in the bedroom at night?

I'm raising a bame ds in inner London.

Well then I do understand why you track him and I apologise for saying you smother him. Hell I'd probably be following him and hiding in bushes to make sure he got home ok.

But I still stand by tracking being over the top for people not living in high knife crime areas.

@PickwickThePlockingDodo
I've met a lot teens/young adults like this over the years. Constantly texting and ringing. Talk to them and find out it's the same for every household member regardless of the age, one parent constantly "looking" over their shoulders. If they went cinema had to call during, sneak out during, and afterwards.

And the poor sods going through the embarrassment of the residential having the phone confiscated, assuming they were allowed to go because they couldn't take their phones.

Some used to take it one step further and insist they were the cool parent and want to hang out.

Why does anyone need to check if they are in school? If they aren't there or ill whatever, school will let you know.

Cannot remember who posted about hospital, I call when I'm in, think a lot of parents do. Nothing weird about it at all, it's sometimes the only way to talk to them.

I don't, and didn't when they were younger, track mine. They told me where they were going, I told them what time they had to be back and that was it. If they needed me for anything they sent a text or rang me. I've always started at the point that I trust them unless they gave me cause not to and, thankfully, they never did.

After my 20yr old lost his phone on a bench in Croatia my 18yr old asked me to use find my phone when he went abroad alone for the first time in case he lost his It's still activated a year later but unused.

I'm usually home when my ds gets in from school but my younger dc recently had a hospital appointment at that time so he had to walk home and let himself in. He was 11. I can't see why it's creepy or smothering for me to have a quick look on the app to check he'd got home ok.

But why can't he just text "home" when he gets there?

Honestly this app tracks location nothing more nothing less

For many users, probably, not so sure about the corporations using that data or that all users use it that way. I don't want my kids to think it's normal for others to want their location at all times.

For everyone so against an app that states where their child’s phone is- may I ask do you check or put age restrictions on their internet access?

Yes, I do. I view the internet as my kids having access to everything in the world, which they don't have by walking outside. We only have computer use in the living room where it can be supervised, I disabled browsers on their phone until my oldest required it at college, I limit their screen time, and so on. I'm far more strict on internet access than anyone else I know with teens, but specifically chose to live somewhere where they can easily travel around to where they want to go. I valued that as a teenager and want to give that to my kids, whereas free internet access as a teen wasn't that helpful.

I do not and would not use an app that recorded their keystrokes or allow unsupervised access to a child who I thought needed an app to record every website they've been to and took screenshots of their online locations at random. Those apps are out there for 'peace of mind', I'm sure they have their uses, I would be uncomfortable using them or having my kids think that's normal.

For everyone so against an app that states where their child’s phone is- may I ask do you check or put age restrictions on their internet access?

Yes the two are completely different.

Having a tracking app on the phone doesn't prevent my child being exposed to whatever I don't want them to see. All if does is give me the last know whereable of the phone. It is a pointless system. IF the child was late you would be calling/texting to find out where they are surely and go from there?

Having restrictions ensures to the best of my ability they aren't able to watch things like porn. As well as a moral obligation, I also have a legal obligation to not show a minor porn and do everything I can to prevent this.

There is no moral or legal obligation to know the whereabouts of someone 24 hours a day unless there are valid reasons for that level of
intrusion. On the off chance they might do something a bit different isn't a valid reason imo. On the off chance something might happen to them isn't a valid reason imo.

But why can't he just text "home" when he gets there?

He actually did but he's also forgetful and his first priority would probably be food or tv! For me sitting in a waiting room with my dc2 and he was going home to an empty house for the first time, it gave me instant reassurance

Lots of parents are nervous when their DC start going out alone...that doesn't make you an over protective parent necessarily nor does it mean that you've failed to teach your DC independence...it's perfectly normal to feel a bit freaked when your DC first gets public transport alone or has to let themselves into the house. It is pretty odd to still be doing that when they're 18 but 11 is still really young.

Having restrictions ensures to the best of my ability they aren't able to watch things like porn. As well as a moral obligation, I also have a legal obligation to not show a minor porn and do everything I can to prevent this. There is no moral or legal obligation to know the whereabouts of someone 24 hours a day unless there are valid reasons for that level of intrusion. On the off chance they might do something a bit different isn't a valid reason imo. On the off chance something might happen to them isn't a valid reason imo

Well can we clarify is it a useless app or a deeply probing intrusion of privacy, we seem to be claiming it’s both with its limitations- not sure that’s possible.

A lot of posters have used the idea of “trust” and implying that if you bring up a kid well you don’t need to worry about their location etc. But the same argument can equally be used about the internet and phones in general. A 12yr old is still a minor with a lack of maturity, we are no more in control of the general public on the roads as we are of those over the web. Any measures a parent seems fit to keep their child safe until an appropriate age is completely their business, it’s not sinister.
As for a moral obligation, I think it’s completely my obligation to know where my 12 yr old is.
I wouldn’t track an 18 yr old, prob not a 17 or 16yr old either.

We all have iPhones so all our phones and iPads are on find my iPhone.

We can all see each other so if I’m late home from work they can see how far away I am, if I’m dishing up tea I can see how far away DH is and make a decision wether to wait or not, if out and about we can find each other easily, when kids first started secondary and getting bus home and walking and crossing an A road I could track them to make sure they made it ok (just first few weeks), when DS1 lost his phone while out with his friends I was able to locate it in the middle of a field and play the sound for them to find it. When someone can’t find their phone at home and it is on silent (so most of the time!) we can play the sound to find it. If someone’s phone was stolen we could lock it and track it to prevent it from being used.

We don’t sit there tracking every single movement of everyone else but it does have its uses and means I’m not constantly phoning /texting kids to check they are ok.

We don’t sit there tracking every single movement of everyone else but it does have its uses and means I’m not constantly phoning /texting kids to check they are ok

Yes exactly how I use it too.

Like the example upthread of a child at the cinema having to constantly be in touch with their parents. I think it's overkill. If my DC was going independently to the cinema, I'd check on the app they'd got there then that would be it. My DC wouldn't even know I'd done that.

Well there have been quite a few incidences of cyclists being saved when various tracking mechanisms have been used to find them after they have had accidents so I shall continue to track my son's rides (and my husband's come to that) even though the probability of injury is small. He doesn't object and would far rather he was being tracked than having to check in several times a day if he is out on his own. It gives him freedom, not prevents it. I've just looked now in fact and he is 20 miles away heading back having been around 40 miles from home. I probably wouldn't let him go so far if I wasn't reasonably confident that I could find him if he had an accident and the tracking app, whilst not infallible does help.

In the past I’ve logged on to see where DH was. He often gets caught up at work and can’t message (phone in his desk) and I’ve woken up at 3am and checked where he is. It’s nice to know he hasn’t crashed his car (I’ve also rang the gatehouse for check this and they check what building he’s in).

I think there is a big difference between knowing where an 11 year old is and where, say, a 14 year old is. One of DDs friends only turned 11 last week, they are still very young to be out and about for the first time.

Surely they'll just turn their phones off if they are going somewhere they know they shouldn't be, and for things such as letting you know when they're home, are we really at a stage where it's better to look at a dot on a screen than get them to send a quick text? How depressing.

Imagine thirty years ago having a conversation about tracking your child - it would be seen as total nonsense but now it seems to be totally normal

We use GPS trackers and have implanted them in DS shoes and in a necklace DD uses daily

They don't know about them so won't think to remove them

It's a safety precaution for us though not to track them necessarily as the GPS only works when you're in range.

Other than that we have find my friends for general seeing where they are

Yes of course we all have a moral obligation to know where they are. An app isn't required to do this. I can trust my child to be honest about where they are going. If shit is going to happen, the app won't prevent it and it won't help. It's a false security.

If I don't have trust, which has happened with one the teens (and not the one that went missing), then there are more issues at play and an app still wouldn't be any good.

One of my "rules" is if you cannot trust me to be honest with me, then how can I trust you?

Internet restrictions here prevent porn and gambling. I don't insist on being friends on sm because I know they can block or even have a secondary account. If there are issues, and there has (bullying and some mild stuff) they brought it to my attention. If unsure again they've come to me just like they would if it happened elsewhere. If it's embarrassing, they can text/call me/write a letter if they cannot tell me in person. (I have 2 boys without dad around, it was easier for them).

I don't think I likened the constant checking up on apps as sinister, I think I went down the stalker route as it's how some who use these apps seem to act like, stalkerish, wanting to know the location of another person at all times.