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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask you to share which “tracking” app you use with your teens

220 replies

toetheline20 · 26/08/2020 11:32

If ppl can let me know which they prefer that would be great thanks. Son starting Y7 next week and he’s as ditsy as they come!

OP posts:
ZoeTurtle · 26/08/2020 14:32

Trouble is microchips don't track, they only work if you scan them. A good old fashioned lead should do it...

But an extendable lead, so you can pretend you're giving the child independence and not being smothering.

Maybe one of those where you push a button and the lead winds back in? You could jerk the child right back into your loving arms if it momentarily goes out of sight.

BiBabbles · 26/08/2020 14:33

Out of interest, for parents of children under 16, if your child disappeared at age 16 for several days, where would you turn?

I'd do what my father did when I disappeared repeatedly under 16, once after several days of my being missing and he hadn't even been living with me or seen me in months. Once the school chose to contact him about my disappearance rather than my mother, they went through the people I was known to hang out with him, and I was found within a couple of hours.

I can see the useful applications for some situations, I'm just uncomfortable with electronic tracking through corporations with dodgy records on handling data being the default measures. I know well the benefits of being able to disappear, and I don't think any app is going to take away the risks. I've used buses all the time since I was a teen, and my kids do now so I gave them an app so they can buy a ticket anywhere. That gives me peace of mind. I know locator apps give others peace of mind, but it doesn't for me.

formerbabe · 26/08/2020 14:33

It's a 25 minute walk home...we live in inner London...yeah I do look on the app to see where he is if he's late. Surely that's better than texting him or calling him. Teens get stabbed where I live. So yeah, I do check. I know it's not terribly cool but ho hum.

canigooutyet · 26/08/2020 14:35

Should add I don't just kick mine out of the door and let them get on with it.

I trust them to be honest with me to let me know where they are going, what time they will be back etc. I trust them that if their plans change they will contact me. I message throughout the day depending on how long they are out for, just in a hows things way.

Before I let them out alone I made sure that they could deal with some life's shit. What to do if the bus was diverted and not showing up on the app or whatever. If they've got a bit lost, as well as being on the phone to me they might be moving from their location to somewhere safer, or sometimes just a bit of reassurance etc.

thedark1 · 26/08/2020 14:35

OP please don't do this. He needs to grow up and (safely!) make his own choices mistakes etc. Just offering a 21 year old's perspective, my parents never did anything like this or went through my phone, luckily and by my mum's effort we had and have a relationship where I would always tell her if I was in trouble, if I'd made a mistake etc. She achieved that without needing to impede on my privacy, and if I was ever going to do something stupid I would have always asked her opinion first and sought her advice and not gone to that daft party or put myself in harm's way after our discussion. Please if you're asking him to trust you with his problems, mistakes, whatever, trust him a little too!

Coffeeandbeans · 26/08/2020 14:37

When does this tracking of teens stop? I’ve got a friend that still tracks her 18 year old. Yet when I was that age we didn’t have mobile phones and I went safely off to university, lived in bed shits in London, travelled extensively for months with very limited contact. We have to stop wrapping kids up. Year 7 is ideal time for a child to go to school and home without being tracked, they have a phone. They can phone you if they are in trouble.

formerbabe · 26/08/2020 14:37

I message throughout the day depending on how long they are out for, just in a hows things way

Oh my god, that's so creepy and weird, leave the poor thing alone..he doesn't need to be texting mummy all day

canigooutyet · 26/08/2020 14:38

@formerbabe

They can still have indepence and trust regardless of if they are a child or young adult

A young adult can do what they want. They don't necessarily need my trust. They are fully independent.

But thanks for the parenting advice of talking to my child...I'd never thought of that. I have remained mute for the past 12 years so that's a game changer.

Oh and I do trust my child, but if he's fifteen minutes late home, I can check the app and usually will see he's popped to the sweet shop or chip shop...but yeah, sinister and creepy

If you communicated with your child you wouldn't need to control them. 15 minutes late poor kid.

A young adult is still a minor and you still have parental responsibility for them.

If you trusted your child you would not be stalking your child.

formerbabe · 26/08/2020 14:41

A young adult is still a minor and you still have parental responsibility for them

What are you talking about?

If you trusted your child you would not be stalking your child.

You call it stalking..I call it checking they got home

canigooutyet · 26/08/2020 14:42

@formerbabe

I message throughout the day depending on how long they are out for, just in a hows things way

Oh my god, that's so creepy and weird, leave the poor thing alone..he doesn't need to be texting mummy all day

No he doesn't need someone constantly watching him.

Massive difference between tracking their every movement to a hey how's your day message.

One if you weren't related would be fucking creepy as fuck and might have a knock on your door, whereas the other unless there's a restraining order completely acceptable.

HouchinBawbags · 26/08/2020 14:44

Our family are all on find friends. Not a chance I'd give my 13 year old an expensive iPhone without having the means to track it. And it's also very handy for seeing where we all are if we need to find anyone or see how long it's going to be til they're home etc

canigooutyet · 26/08/2020 14:45

Hi mum, I'm home.

How simple and easy without checking up.

Well you seem to have two descriptions of child - child or young adult. I don't class teens as children, either teens or young adults. I don't know many people who refer to teens as children either, And as young adult/teens they still require adult supervision.

canigooutyet · 26/08/2020 14:46

And what happens 15 minutes later @formerbabe when you check and the phone is off?

formerbabe · 26/08/2020 14:47

What does tracking every movement mean...I don't sit staring at it all the time he's out. I might check if he's late to see if he has gone to the school playing field or stopped at the shop.

He's not constantly watched.

fsklgf · 26/08/2020 14:48

I think people go over the top about this. All of us in our family use Life 360. We don't watch each others every move (that would be rather boring) and my kids don't care because they know that, plus it's not like I don't usually know where they are anyway. If they say "Mum I'm going to Leah's house after school" then why would they care if I can see on the app that they're at Leah's house?

We originally installed it for safety, in case of a lost/stolen phone or worse, and have ended up only really using it to see if whoever has left work or school or friend's house or wherever yet, rather than saying "message me when you leave so I can get dinner ready". It's just easier to have a quick look on the app.

formerbabe · 26/08/2020 14:48

I really don't know what age you consider a young adult to be.

formerbabe · 26/08/2020 14:49

My child is 12...he's a child

13-17 I consider teen

18+ is an adult

netflixismysidehustle · 26/08/2020 14:51

No tracking but they sometimes send me their location

Bluntness100 · 26/08/2020 14:51

Bit surprised at this, the tone is it’s totally normal to track your kids. It is totally not.

canigooutyet · 26/08/2020 14:53

I wouldn't know. I don't have an app to track because they are pointless and give a false sense of security.

I'm just responding to what you are saying

15 minutes late wouldn't bother me knowing it's part of the habit to pop into the shop sometimes, stand around chatting with mates etc. I know this because they tell me.

If it gets to the time of oh they should be back by now a quick text/call. But like I said if they are delayed like they let me know.

cologne4711 · 26/08/2020 14:53

If I don't know where my ds is or am wondering when he'll be back I text him and he texts back.

It would never have occurred to me to use a tracking app.

WouldBeGood · 26/08/2020 14:55

Just use the same one you let them track you with?

formerbabe · 26/08/2020 14:55

15 minutes late wouldn't bother me knowing it's part of the habit to pop into the shop sometimes, stand around chatting with mates etc. I know this because they tell me

Well it bothers me because knife crime in my area is my biggest fear as I'm raising a bame ds in inner London.

You still haven't explained why I'd still have parental responsibility over a young adult?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/08/2020 14:56

For everyone so against an app that states where their child’s phone is- may I ask do you check or put age restrictions on their internet access?
Or are you comfortable enough that “trust” and “communication” will stop your 13 year old messaging a random or your 14year old accessing porn?

fsklgf · 26/08/2020 14:57

If I don't know where my ds is or am wondering when he'll be back I text him and he texts back

It would never have occurred to me to use a tracking app

It's just two different means of achieving the same end. You send a text, I check the app. I find the tracking app better because it's instant and doesn't really on him actually seeing my text.