To ask you to share which “tracking” app you use with your teens

[toetheline20]

If ppl can let me know which they prefer that would be great thanks. Son starting Y7 next week and he’s as ditsy as they come!

@formerbabe

I really don't know what age you consider a young adult to be.

You are the one that mentioned young adult to begin with when you said

Huge difference between a child and a young adult. They cannot be treated the same when it comes to independence and privacy.

I've just seen you don't consider a young adult as anything. As I said, a young adult to me is a teen (ie under 18)

Young adult to me is over the age of 18...hence the word adult.

I don’t track my teen, I just ask him to keep me informed if he is going to end up in a completely different place to where he originally intended just so I know where to start looking for him if he doesn’t show up by the next day

When he was younger (11-14) and we both had iPhones, we agreed that if he was ever in trouble and needed me to pick him up, he just needed to text “48” to my phone and I will go and fetch him, no questions asked, from wherever he was, using Find My Phone.

All my family have find friends on. The dc are in their 20s and it’s great if they’re saying at home I can see they’re in their beds in the morning rather than waking them up. It’s been invaluable with broken down cars and buses rather than checking up to see if they’re up to something they shouldn’t do.

We use Life 360, it's handy when DS1 is travelling on trains as he lets me know when he's left and I track him to know what time to leave. Likewise when DH is on his way back from work I can see where he is to start cooking tea and have a frantic tidy up

I find the tracking app better because it's instant and doesn't really on him actually seeing my text

Yes same...My ds usually has his phone buried at the bottom of his bag, by the time he sees the message, he's home...a quick check is much easier and actually less intrusive than me messaging him and him having to message me back.

@formerbabe

If he gets lost he can ring you

Yes and attempt to describe where he is...if he gets lost, he can ring me, ill check where he is on the app and go get him.

Why wouldn't he just look at the nearest road sign and tell you where he is?

If he's going to be late home, why wouldn't he just send you a quick text?

There is absolutely no good reason I can think of, to insist on tracking the movements of a 12 year old child who by that age, should be afforded the courtesy and trust and being able to gain independence.

If your child isn't independent enough to be out on their own without having a tracking app on their phone then I would say they're not ready to be allowed out without their parents well secondary school age DC don’t have the same access to after school childcare. Most parents have to work, school ends at 3. This is 2020, it’s common sense with crime, road traffic accidents, etc that you may wish to check on your child when they go home. It doesn’t listen to their conversations ffs, just a location.
Also an 11 yr old is not a young adult! Otherwise is a 10year old, 9 yr old...my 3 yr old is a very young adult

I also don't want my ds to continually have his phone out on the bus or in the street...it increases the chances of it being stolen or lost. I'd rather he kept it in his bag or in his pocket.

Courtesy of trust

There is absolutely no good reason I can think of, to insist on tracking the movements of a 12 year old child who by that age, should be afforded the courtesy and trust and being able to gain independence really none you can think of?? Try a bit harder

15 minutes late wouldn't bother me knowing it's part of the habit to pop into the shop sometimes, stand around chatting with mates etc. I know this because they tell me

So what happens when you find out he's outside a house a couple of streets away not on his normal route home? When he walks in ten minutes later - what do you do?

Locations can be faked btw.

Say your child is at home while you're at work (inset day) and you've told them not to go out because they are grounded. Their location will show as being at home if they leave their phone at home or if they put their phone on airplane mode before they go out so the software doesn't update their location.

Well what's the difference...hes lost...he's called me...why does it matter whether he can give me a road sign or I check the app.

Why wouldn't he just look at the nearest road sign and tell you where he is?

If he's going to be late home, why wouldn't he just send you a quick text?

There is absolutely no good reason I can think of, to insist on tracking the movements of a 12 year old child who by that age, should be afforded the courtesy and trust and being able to gain independence.

The reason, as stated, is that it's much easier. You can see where a family member is without having to interrupt what they're doing by exchanging texts and calls. You don't need to wait for responses to messages or calls to be actually answered, etc.

The only drawback I can see is privacy concerns. Surely you can understand that some families don't find it to a concern? My kids, husband and I are all on our app. We can all see each other. None of us watch it obsessively or have any privacy concerns about it. We are all independent and go about our lives just like any other teen or adult.

WorraLiberty do you have young children?

You live in London right @worraliberty? Can you really not see why I'd prefer my ds in inner London to not constantly be getting his phone out in public?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

If your child isn't independent enough to be out on their own without having a tracking app on their phone then I would say they're not ready to be allowed out without their parents well secondary school age DC don’t have the same access to after school childcare. Most parents have to work, school ends at 3. This is 2020, it’s common sense with crime, road traffic accidents, etc that you may wish to check on your child when they go home. It doesn’t listen to their conversations ffs, just a location. Also an 11 yr old is not a young adult! Otherwise is a 10year old, 9 yr old...my 3 yr old is a very young adult

The child in question was older than 11. I think between the conversations between former and I about young adult, the mix up has been clarified.

I am very aware of the issues with childcare and secondary school. I am also aware of the year thanks for pointing this out.

Yes those things could happen. Knowing their location wouldn't tell you anything just the location of the phone. Yes thank you I am also aware they don't listen to conversation.

I am also aware of what happens when the phone is off and something has happened to the child. Tracking only shows their last known location which is all that is also available to the police until it gets switched on again.

@formerbabe

Well what's the difference...hes lost...he's called me...why does it matter whether he can give me a road sign or I check the app.

When does he learn independence and to take responsibility? I think that's the difference I suppose.

You say (for example) he doesn't always answer his phone because it's buried down the bottom of his bag. Well surely you should be teaching him not to do that and that one of the reasons he has a phone in the first place, is so that you can keep in touch?

It just makes me wonder when all these 12+ year olds who are being constantly tracked, will learn responsibility for themselves when they're out and about.

@toetheline20

If ppl can let me know which they prefer that would be great thanks. Son starting Y7 next week and he’s as ditsy as they come!

My husband and I use Life360, it's great.

@GetThatHelmetOn

I don’t track my teen, I just ask him to keep me informed if he is going to end up in a completely different place to where he originally intended just so I know where to start looking for him if he doesn’t show up by the next day

When he was younger (11-14) and we both had iPhones, we agreed that if he was ever in trouble and needed me to pick him up, he just needed to text “48” to my phone and I will go and fetch him, no questions asked, from wherever he was, using Find My Phone.

I have a "no questions asked" code with my kids too. I have to reply to it with a reason why they need to return immediately so they can pretend that they have to leave because of me and maintain street cred.

it just makes me wonder when all these 12+ year olds who are being constantly tracked, will learn responsibility for themselves when they're out and about couldn’t the same argument be used of mobile phones- take those away from children if they are hindering independence. Honestly this app tracks location nothing more nothing less- such hysteria

@formerbabe

You live in London right *@worraliberty*? Can you really not see why I'd prefer my ds in inner London to not constantly be getting his phone out in public?

Why would he need to constantly get his phone out?

Everyone who owns a phone is at risk of getting it stolen and he'll be at no less risk when he's 18, or whatever age your stop tracking him.

I have largely brought my DC (late teens and older) up as I was brought up - namely without using technology. So no tracking apps, no 'find my phone' (I don't have a smartphone or ipad).

However, I do expect them to tell me where they are going, and when they will be back. I expect them to let me know if there is going to be a significant change of plan.

It doesn't always go as well as it should, and there have been times when they haven't told the truth about where they are or who they are with. This has resulted in me tightening the reins a bit until they have earned back some trust.

If I am going to trust them and not check up on them, they have to be trustworthy.

With the 18+ DC (who would not have been at home since March, were it not for lockdown), I ask that they give me an idea of when they will be back, if they are going out, and I also ask that they come in quietly so as not to wake anyone else up. This is just basic consideration, though.

I'm also another who lives in knife crime London central. Until I changed schools for one, stabbings outside the gates were a common occurrence, some even made headlines.

My dc's also use their phones to listen to music. They keep their phones firmly wedged in their pockets, and have one ear bud in. They avoid bags living in London as they cyclists snatch them same way they do phones, plus of course street muggers.