To ask you to share which “tracking” app you use with your teens

[toetheline20]

If ppl can let me know which they prefer that would be great thanks. Son starting Y7 next week and he’s as ditsy as they come!

How about this? I'm sure it would fit the average teen's neck.

@formerbabe

It's not acceptable, it's creepy and smothering

Seriously..go fuck yourself telling me that me checking that my 12 year old ds has reached home is creepy...wtaf

Goodness you're a bit defensive aren't you?

Some people clearly haven't watched the Arc Angel episode of Black Mirror!

Goodness you're a bit defensive aren't you?

Only when someone has the nerve to call me creepy in relation to knowing where my child who hasn't even reached their teenage years is

Unless your child has special needs, if they are old enough to have a device you can track, they are old enough for you not to need to track them. You must not track them unless it is a two way, unforced, amicable agreement. If you think you are tracking them secretly, they probably already know, and have duped you by turning it off, or handing it to a friend on a bus going in the other direction, or left it in a locker and are using a borrowed device. They are children, not idiots. Be prepared for the whole "trust, responsibility, they tell you where they are going and you believe them..." narrative to go astray. At 16-17 no child is going to tell you where they are going or for how long. Even the ones with straight A* results and golden futures. They are more likely to tell you where to go. It's life, and we all have to deal with it. The only comfort is that the vast majority of them do come back to you. (Context: been through it all in recent past, am not speaking as a parent of an 11 year old)

The reason it's bad, is because of shame

www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-scientific-underpinnings-and-impacts-of-shame/

"Shame is the uncomfortable sensation we feel in the pit of our stomach when it seems we have no safe haven from the judging gaze of others."

Continuous surveillance by a judging parent is much likely to increase the risk of this, particularly in adolescents who are already super likely to feel shame. It doesn't matter if you actually look or you don't care what they're doing, the fear comes from the potential for judging.

Having the child temporarily share their location on telegram / whatsapp etc. can be useful and will meet all the "it's useful" features people are talking about.

@ZoeTurtle

Have you thought about a microchip? Some vets have very reasonable rates.

😂

Find my friends on iPhone is what we use.

I use it very irregularly, such as if DD is late getting home, I can see how near she is. As she is a young teenage girl, I think its important I know that I can see where she is if needed. I don't stalk her btw but I do live in an area where recently we've had a couple of attempted abductions of teenage girls and there's currently a flasher on the loose as well. So I'm balancing my need to keep her safe with her need (rightly so) for independence.

But I think safety is paramount. Imagine if your child goes missing. On the one hand you could be telling the police that you last saw them 8 hours ago when you waved them off from the house to be all independent without any "big brother" apps, or you could be telling them that their phone was last spotted on XX Street 20 mins ago. I suspect one is more helpful than the other in such cases.

@PickwickThePlockingDodo

How about this? I'm sure it would fit the average teen's neck.

Does it give them a good old sharp electric shock if they dare to show any signs of independence and problem solving? Do you suddenly switch it off when they reach 14? Or 16? Or are they really ok to manage this shit before they’re 18? 😎

I have never used a tracking app with them . I only recently realised that some parents do and actually felt quite shocked.
I wouldn't have let them catch buses and trains or walk alone if I wasn't confident that they could manage it.

@janinlondon thank you. It really was horrendous.

@formerbabe it is smothering and it is putting the reliance on the app too much. Once the phone is off, doesn't matter what tracking you have, that's it. Tracking doesn't work. It's giving you a false sense of security.

It also assumes the child is always with their phone. The more they are monitored the more they will leave their phones at a mates house, they are elsewhere. Some will go one step further and have an additional phone. And it's not like they admit to these things.

Have you thought about a microchip? Some vets have very reasonable rates.

I would laugh at this but I would not be surprised if some parents would totally go for this given half the chance.

While I pay for the phones, I reserve the right to use Find My (Find My Phone as was).

As I explain it to my teenagers, of course it doesn't give me complete peace of mind, and only gives their last KNOWN location, if anything happens like the bombing in Manchester or the terrorist attacks in London and they can't call me as the mobile networks will be down, but I know they could be in the area, I can log on. If they are well away from the blast/issue on their last known location, I will feel somewhat reassured.

Its not bonkers reasoning - to me at least

@Angelina82

Have you thought about a microchip? Some vets have very reasonable rates.

I would laugh at this but I would not be surprised if some parents would totally go for this given half the chance.

Dare you to post a Thread asking for recs for the best teen microchip 😂

@Angelina82

Have you thought about a microchip? Some vets have very reasonable rates.

I would laugh at this but I would not be surprised if some parents would totally go for this given half the chance.

Trouble is microchips don't track, they only work if you scan them. A good old fashioned lead should do it...

I use life 360.

Loads here act like they don't need it but it is useful. Mine had to navigate public buses in year and it was a peace of mind.

We have Life360 and we're all on it. I don't spend my waking hours glued to it to see where my DD is - but it's useful sometimes - like when she was coming back late at night from a school trip and I could see where they were. When she first got her phone and started to go to the park with her friends in YR6. She does accuse me of being an over protective parent and I may well be, but I don't invade her privacy.

I don't really understand the need for these. My Ds had a mobile phone when he went to secondary school. he had two buses to navigate to get there so he used to text me to say he was on them, until it fizzled out naturally. Now he would phone if he needed to, what else do you need?

I don't have teens but we use Life360.
I added it when on holiday with friends and we ended up on different beaches 😂

it was so useful that holiday that we've kept it

Loads here act like they don't need it but it is useful. Mine had to navigate public buses in year and it was a peace of mind

Exactly, but according to many on here, its creepy.

I'm usually home when my ds gets in from school but my younger dc recently had a hospital appointment at that time so he had to walk home and let himself in. He was 11. I can't see why it's creepy or smothering for me to have a quick look on the app to check he'd got home ok.

@formerbabe

So why not talk to your child instead? Build up a relationship of mutual trust? That approach is more likely to pay dividends in the long run as opposed to micro-managing and invading your child/teenager/you g adults privacy

Huge difference between a child and a young adult. They cannot be treated the same when it comes to independence and privacy.

They can still have indepence and trust regardless of if they are a child or young adult. Constantly following someone is stalking them, if there was respect, trust and communication then you would know where the person was going to be.

If they cannot be trusted to be where they are supposed to be then you takes various steps depending on the situation.

From 10/11 a lot of children have the trust etc from their parents to get themselves to various places. If the child cannot be trusted then this is held off until they can do this. Same with until they can be trusted home alone, they aren't.

@Scruffyoak

I use life 360.

Loads here act like they don't need it but it is useful. Mine had to navigate public buses in year and it was a peace of mind.

Useful for what exactly?

Mine have had to navigate public buses alone. They'd done it with me countless times (the concept not location). They have a couple reliable public transport apps. If they get into problems, they can contact me.

I don't act like I don't need it. I know I don't because of experience.

They can still have indepence and trust regardless of if they are a child or young adult

A young adult can do what they want. They don't necessarily need my trust. They are fully independent.

But thanks for the parenting advice of talking to my child...I'd never thought of that. I have remained mute for the past 12 years so that's a game changer.

Oh and I do trust my child, but if he's fifteen minutes late home, I can check the app and usually will see he's popped to the sweet shop or chip shop...but yeah, sinister and creepy

PS Both DH and I have the same feature enabled - so it is (more than) two way.

It's bloody useful to check quickly where someone is when they are running late and I don't see it as creepy... If I was shopping for a surprise or had a medical appointment I really didn't want DH or my kids to know about, I'd turn it off , but it hasn't occurred to me to need to do that in the last few years we've all had Find My Phone.

You check if he's 15 mins late? Jesus, give him some room to breathe.