To think you're not allowed to be proud of breastfeeding any more....

[TheatreJunkie84]

NOT a breast is best thread.

I've had the journey from hell. Tongue tie, painful feeds, thrush, not gaining weight, shitty latch, literally everything except low supply....but here I am 3 months in still going, on a combination of formula, pumped milk and boob.

I posted on a local baby group today a picture of me feeding, with a caption about how proud I was to still be going at nearly 3 months despite all the crap...thanking my local group and its peer supporters for their role in keeping me going and encouraging others to seek their help as they were so lovely and wonderful.

It started off well...messages of congrats and other stories of the peer supporters helping out new mums. Suddenly out of nowhere I got called arrogant and told I should have some respect for all the mums that choose to formula feed and I shouldn't throw be throwing it down everyones necks. Before I knew it loads of other mums all joined in, basically saying breastfeeding is nothing to be proud of and I should shut up. Things along the lines of 'big whoop you can feed your baby I cant so this makes you better than me? Piss off.'

I quickly deleted it, feeling really ashamed of myself. I'm on the verge tears now every time I think about it. Am I being unreasonable here? I honestly wanted to give up so many times....but the local group kept me going and if posting about my success can encourage other mums to seek their help then that's surely only a good thing?

I don't know.

Hi OhCaptain,
We have sent you a mail; please could you check your inbox?

And critical thinking that most certainly was not.....

Oh man - just come off my lunch break to see a few deletions. What did I miss?!

I'm actually genuinely intrigued what other insights to my mind a total stranger has come up with

@Somethingsnappy

OhCaptain. Your original message was deleted, so it would appear that your message didn't in fact adhere to talk guidelines.

Not necessarily. MNHQ delete when a post is reported, more often than not, regardless of content. Someone claiming "offence" is sufficient reason, apparently 🤷🏻‍♀️ Some people are incredibly easy to offend, God love them.

^^ That'll probably be deleted soon, just to prove my point 😂

Some people are incredibly easy to offend, God love them

So....much...irony...just....can't.....

Well, I read it and it was particularly nasty. Hence why it was reported I guess.....

Also, if someone 'claiming offence' was sufficient reason to be deleted, three quarters of this thread would have been too!

@HopeMumsnet

Hi OhCaptain, We have sent you a mail; please could you check your inbox?

When I’m at my laptop I will.

But it’s only fair to say on the thread that it’s a bit hypothetical to delete my posts while others actually name calling are left. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi there, Thisismytimetoshine,

Re; "MNHQ delete when a post is reported, more often than not, regardless of content."

This is simply not the case. If it were, there would be a great many more deletions - do take our word for it.

Keep the reports coming (they keep us in a job) and we will keep applying MN guidelines so ancient that the URL still calls them netiquette

@Thisismytimetoshine

^^ That'll probably be deleted soon, just to prove my point 😂

you were right though. That’s exactly what I mean about critical thinking. Maybe it’s just laziness. Wherever it is, it’s there for sure!

You should be proud of yourself and the nasty comments you received were so out of order! You had a difficult breastfeeding journey but persevered ( thrush particularly is a nightmare!) and should rightly be proud - you did this in a pandemic too! I am a trained BF peer supporter and the truth is that with proper support most women can be helped to bf their babies It’s just the support infrastructure is sadly lacking. Low supply is highly exaggerated as an issue - it does exist but it’s rare maybe 1% of women will have this problem but poor latch can make it seem more prevalent - I think women get misdiagnosed all the time. No one should feel guilty for how they choose to feed their child but that works both ways - the ladies on the forum have a serious case of ‘pot kettle black’ if you ask me! If your child is healthy and happy most of the time you are doing an excellent job however you feed it just saddens me that so many women struggle in the early days of bf then give up due to a complete lack of support. If people could just get the proper support they need to get over those early hurdles they could then reap the benefits of their hard earned endeavours - no botties to sterilise, always on tap, magic comforting properties both to mum and baby, health benefits to both, can feed lying down and even while sleeping etc. However until the gov funds proper dedicated BF counsellors for every maternity ward and health centre that just won’t happen. Most of the people who help at baby groups and on phone lines are volunteers and of course Covid has made getting face to face support near impossible!

OP, I wish you would put your original photo back up on your Facebook page..... We don't see nearly enough images of breastfeeding babies, sadly. So sad you felt pressured to take it down.

Are you honestly now insulting the MN staff by calling them lazy? While they’re on the thread? For goodness sake.

With all due respect @OhCaptain...I've read every single page of this thread and I have seen none that remain specifically name-calling (if that is in fact what you did). Nastiness, yes, rudeness, yes...but no name-calling.

If you can say so without breaking mumsnet guidelines (unlikely by the looks of things...) I'd be very intrigued as to what exactly you thought my intentions were with posting a breastfeeding picture on a parenting group.

So all these people offended enough by the OP sharing a breastfeeding photo and, shock horror, feeling pride to call her names and say she had ulterior motives and was cringey pathetic etc are all totally reasonable but reporting them for being so clearly not within the rules here are the ‘easily offended’ ones.... oooo k

I didn't tell anyone I was still breastfeeding past 12 months

I stopped answering the question - are you still bf -and didn't mention it people then assumed I'd stopped unless they happened to see it and realise which was rare past age 1

Though only just got past aged 1 with first and being worn down by negativity was I think part of that though mostly next pg - though that wasn't popular either having them so close.

But my daylight comment means she can discuss it with her family and friends without posting on social media, as people do with many aspects of life. not posting on social media isn’t the same as having to shut up.

People post about all sorts of things on social media, why not breastfeeding? The holiday might upset the recently unemployed, the engagement picture might upset someone in a break up, and the ultrasound baby announcement is hugely upsetting for some people who have been TTC for ages. If you're feeling fragile social media probably isn't for you, I stopped using it after having recurrent miscarriages and have stayed off since.

But it’s only fair to say on the thread that it’s a bit hypothetical to delete my posts while others actually name calling are left.

PS I think the word you're looking for is Hypocritical....

@TheatreJunkie84

But it’s only fair to say on the thread that it’s a bit hypothetical to delete my posts while others actually name calling are left.

PS I think the word you're looking for is Hypocritical....

That cheered me up...

Yes it is an emotive subject, it's been a while since I breastfed, managed a year or so.

In a way it reminds me of everything else you might do as a mother. Sometimes it seems you can' t do anything right...i.e. you get criticised as a SAHM. You get criticised for doing paid work...

You get criticised for being a single mother...or divorced...or...
I kind of put it down to misogyny.

Breastfeeding rates in this country are some of the lowest in the world apparently. If we can't be proud of ourselves for doing it, then how are they going to improve. If the right information and support isnt' there, how are we supposed to find it a happy expereince...

I was over two days in labour. I had difficulty picking my baby up after that and asked for help lifting. Night nurse told me if I couldn't life my baby they would have to have a bottle. No support in hospital for that.

La leche league was brilliant though.

"I wish you would put your original photo back up on your Facebook page..... We don't see nearly enough images of breastfeeding babies, sadly'

Why do people so desperately need this validation on social media?

I bet the OP will post pics of her dcs attendance certificates from nursery or school. #ProudMumma. Which tbh isn't quite as attention seeking as feeding snaps.

@GetOffYourHighHorse

You keep saying "I bet [wildly irrelevant supposition about the OP's character and future behaviour]"

I bet you're a man with the face of a donkey.

No wait I bet you're the sort of person who leaves their wheelie bin out on the street for days and then complains when people put rubbish in it.

Or how about "I bet you make your DH an apple pie bed every night and don't get why he doesn't think it's funny any more".

Am I warm on any of these? I stand about as much chance of being right about you and you do about the OP...

I bet the OP will post pics of her dcs attendance certificates from nursery or school. #ProudMumma.

A friend of a friend apparently did this on Facebook. And then added, ‘100% attendance award. She is literally never ill. I knew all that mummy milk would pay off.’ 🤣 Cringe. 😬