To think you're not allowed to be proud of breastfeeding any more....

[TheatreJunkie84]

NOT a breast is best thread.

I've had the journey from hell. Tongue tie, painful feeds, thrush, not gaining weight, shitty latch, literally everything except low supply....but here I am 3 months in still going, on a combination of formula, pumped milk and boob.

I posted on a local baby group today a picture of me feeding, with a caption about how proud I was to still be going at nearly 3 months despite all the crap...thanking my local group and its peer supporters for their role in keeping me going and encouraging others to seek their help as they were so lovely and wonderful.

It started off well...messages of congrats and other stories of the peer supporters helping out new mums. Suddenly out of nowhere I got called arrogant and told I should have some respect for all the mums that choose to formula feed and I shouldn't throw be throwing it down everyones necks. Before I knew it loads of other mums all joined in, basically saying breastfeeding is nothing to be proud of and I should shut up. Things along the lines of 'big whoop you can feed your baby I cant so this makes you better than me? Piss off.'

I quickly deleted it, feeling really ashamed of myself. I'm on the verge tears now every time I think about it. Am I being unreasonable here? I honestly wanted to give up so many times....but the local group kept me going and if posting about my success can encourage other mums to seek their help then that's surely only a good thing?

I don't know.

I think that's the problem - slogans not information

As well as simple factual information for new mums I'd love to see some sort of mythbusting campaign aimed at the rest of the family. Stuff like "if baby feeds more than every 3 hours he/she isn't getting enough milk" true or false. It could also include formula information like "adding formula powder to cooled boiled water will kill deadly bacteria" true or false

'well yes, OP is meant to have empathy by shutting up about it according to this thread, how pathetic.'

It's 'pathetic' to think of her friends and new mums who she may upset by saying how very proud she is to bf on sm? Nice.

Sm isn't there for desperate point scoring, no matter how much the op says she's 'only trying to help' we all know what she's up to.

@TheatreJunkie84

why is it up to other women to take control of YOUR emotions

...says the woman who took it upon herself to post a self congratulatory 'helpful' breastfeeding post to a bunch of strangers, complete with a photo under the patronising guise of 'signposting'.

@GetOffYourHighHorse I've never read OP's Facebook post so I don't know for sure but I don't get that kind of vibe from where she's said

It sounds like it was a post like

"It's been so hard but today I've been combi feeding baby Charlotte for three months. I could never have imagined this at the start because of x y z but X Group were so amazingly helpful to me even when I called at midnight in tears. I wanted to share this message for those who are struggling at the moment as for me there was light at the tunnel"

I don't feel this is showing off, it's not really something I would post I admit, but it's the kind of thing people post about all sorts of things in life in the spirit of sharing and community etc

[quote Givemlala]@GetOffYourHighHorse well yes, OP is meant to have empathy by shutting up about it according to this thread, how pathetic.[/quote]
I think there is daylight between “shutting up about it” and posting on social media about how proud you are to still be breastfeeding.

I had a similar experience with a lady I used to work with. I was lucky that I was able to breast feed, this came up in conversation. I got a mouthful about how I was trying to make her feel I adequate (I really wasn’t!) Same person who told me I didn’t give birth properly as I had had an epidural. Nice!

@GetOffYourHighHorse

Sm isn't there for desperate point scoring, no matter how much the op says she's 'only trying to help' we all know what she's up to.

Actually I do know what she's up to because I've been there. She's up to reaching out to mums who are struggling to breastfeed and letting them know it's OK to struggle and doesn't necessarily mean that it's the end of the road for bf. That it is possible to resolve some of the problems.

But no, you with your special insight (based on your prejudices) know better and can read the OP's mind.

Wow people are sensitive about breastfeeding, I’m the opposite I pretend I’m not feeding my toddler anymore as can’t be bothered with the weird looks and judgmental comments. Reading stories about Poole who struggled and then it worked out for really helped me as I struggled to begin with, had lots of issues relating to tongue tie, mastitis then antibiotics caused thrush etc and reading that people over came these issues gave me hope that I could to- which we did

@Dorisdaydream2 that’s another one I don’t get, what’s with the whole wow she gave birth with NO pain relief?? Not impressive. Every birth is different, I had zero pain relief with 1 and everything with 2. Let me tell you, 2 was much more enjoyable, magical because I wasn’t fucked up, same applies to breastfeeding/bottle feeding, one time it was easy/lovely, one time it was SO hard but much more enjoyable once I moved onto formula so should I be congratulated for suffering so long to try and make it work ?? Mmmm no, there is nothing special about breast feeding or bottle feeding or painless birth or c section etc they are just DIFFERENT. As a PP said, once your kids at school no one gives a f anyway

You wouldn’t get any of this second guessing yourself if men gave birth 😂😂 Giving birth is giving birth which ever way it happens and whatever pain relief you have, breast milk is best but it’s not the be all and end all, someone being proud of breastfeeding has nothing to do with your choices/situation unless they have specifically called you out personally and then they can get to fuck.

How unpleasant.

Quite

My 'quite' was to Oh Captain

Great post

😂

'NOT a breast is best thread.'

Come off it

You knew that's what you'd lit the torch too.

The OP doesn’t read like that at all 🤷‍♀️

I posted on a local baby group today a picture of me feeding, with a caption about how proud I was to still be going at nearly 3 months despite all the crap...thanking my local group and its peer supporters for their role in keeping me going and encouraging others to seek their help as they were so lovely and wonderful.

Congratulations OP

It’s one thing to have a different opinion, plenty of users here disagree with the OPs fb post but say so without the insults and nastiness. Others like Oh Captain are just OTT and against the guidelines here. I don’t care if that’s the rep AIBU has, it’s plain nasty to attack this woman and invent her intentions.

There are some very unhappy people on this thread.

I wasn't prepared for the near constant pressure to stop BF - though I had friends who FF early or from the off for a variety of reasons and they got comments about that as well. You just can't "win". So true that you just can't win. I don't think people realise how much negativity you can get for breast feeding, I used to wonder why it was of the slightest interest to anyone that I was feeding an 18 month old, soon got my eyes opened when someone told me it was akin to paedophilia as once well established it is actually enjoyable for many women. So I was weird, I was a paedophile, I was retarding his development and finally the dentist told me I was ruining his teeth as breast milk is sweet.

If it is any comfort to formula feeding mums I can assure them breast feeding doesn't come with lots of praise and congratulations. I wish we could all be a bit kinder to ourselves and each other.

I've also had vaginal delivery with no pain relief and an EMCS, don't think either is worth judgement although I do have some funny stories.

@MillyMollyFarmer

It’s one thing to have a different opinion, plenty of users here disagree with the OPs fb post but say so without the insults and nastiness. Others like Oh Captain are just OTT and against the guidelines here. I don’t care if that’s the rep AIBU has, it’s plain nasty to attack this woman and invent her intentions.

There are some very unhappy people on this thread.

Excuse me? What did I post that was against the talk guidelines?

Precisely @MillyMollyFarmer

Just because you are careful not to break any specific rules doesn’t mean your post wasn’t unpleasant and full of nasty assumptions.

It's 'pathetic' to think of her friends and new mums who she may upset by saying how very proud she is to bf on sm? Nice.

Yes it is pathetic. In what way are men censored about a biological function in the same way? They're not.

I think there is daylight between “shutting up about it” and posting on social media about how proud you are to still be breastfeeding

Not really, people post all sorts of crap on parenting groups at how they are proud of baby for doing x, do they get abuse for being smug and insensitive to those whose baby isn't meeting their milestones? What are people 'allowed' to then post? Where is OP allowed to speak about it?