To think you're not allowed to be proud of breastfeeding any more....

[TheatreJunkie84]

NOT a breast is best thread.

I've had the journey from hell. Tongue tie, painful feeds, thrush, not gaining weight, shitty latch, literally everything except low supply....but here I am 3 months in still going, on a combination of formula, pumped milk and boob.

I posted on a local baby group today a picture of me feeding, with a caption about how proud I was to still be going at nearly 3 months despite all the crap...thanking my local group and its peer supporters for their role in keeping me going and encouraging others to seek their help as they were so lovely and wonderful.

It started off well...messages of congrats and other stories of the peer supporters helping out new mums. Suddenly out of nowhere I got called arrogant and told I should have some respect for all the mums that choose to formula feed and I shouldn't throw be throwing it down everyones necks. Before I knew it loads of other mums all joined in, basically saying breastfeeding is nothing to be proud of and I should shut up. Things along the lines of 'big whoop you can feed your baby I cant so this makes you better than me? Piss off.'

I quickly deleted it, feeling really ashamed of myself. I'm on the verge tears now every time I think about it. Am I being unreasonable here? I honestly wanted to give up so many times....but the local group kept me going and if posting about my success can encourage other mums to seek their help then that's surely only a good thing?

I don't know.

The very first rule:

No personal attacks

I think it being an achievement is subjective, really.

Some people see giving birth as an achievement. Others don’t.

Breastfeeding for me was just a way to feed my children. And I had a lot of problems on one in particular. But to others it was an achievement. Great!

I’m sure I’ve done things in life that I’m proud of that others couldn’t give a shiny shit about.

The point is that if OP wants to feel proud and post a feeding selfie then that’s what she should do.

Why pretend it’s only about support though? If it was about the support group she’d just post the details of the support group, no?

I think a lot of people are just way too sensitive about this subject and to be frank need to get over themselves.

I've BFed for nearly 2 years and it has been bloody hard work. I think it would have been easier to run a marathon. I haven't posted about it on SM but if I wanted to then I think I should be able to.

What about the people who post anything about their kids on SM? Aren't they being insensitive to women who wanted children but didn't have any? What if I post about how much I love my Mum on Mother's Day? Am I being insensitive to those who have lost their mothers? Where does this end? You can't expect endless trigger warnings on everything and if you use you social media you are responsible for its impact on your mental health. If you don't like someone saying they are proud of something then just scroll on by or stop using SM altogether if you need to.

I would add my voice to those saying that I had a CS and don't feel bad if anyone else posts that they are proud that they had a VB. If that's what they wanted then that's great and I also don't think that any evidence that VBs are better should be played down to spare my feelings. I am confident that the CS I had was the best option for me and the baby.

You can assume motive all you like though can’t you, you can read from the OP that she was burnt by what she now isn’t sure was a faux pas or not

Yes it is pathetic. In what way are men censored about a biological function in the same way? They're not.

Genuinely curious - what forums are you on where men describe biological functions as personal achievements...?

She stated several times, because of pride AND for support and sign posting. Some posters focus on one part of that to suit their agenda and somehow justify attacking women who make posts like this. It’s sad to see women do this for days on end over a simple breastfeeding post.

@OhCaptain

For the same reason charities post specific 'So-and-so's Story' type campaigns to encourage people to either support or access their services - an anonymous, functional signpost does not have the same impact as a personal testimonial. For the same reason people in support groups of every type share their stories - to inspire others who may identify. Come on this stuff is obvious and if you weren't predisposed to think the worst of the OP simply because she's a breastfeeding mother who has the gall to be proud of that fact you'd never ask such a silly question.

It’s deeply unpleasant. Please tell me you aren’t comparing breast feeding to taking a piss??

Genuinely curious - what forums are you on where men describe biological functions as personal achievements...?

Every single platform. Men boasting about being Dads, looking after their own kids.... running a race, winning a match... men boast constantly without anywhere near as much nitpicking as breastfeeding women do.

For example, as a teen I was well aware that 'drugs are bad, m'kay?' in a disintersted sort of way. But Leah Betts' dad coming to our school to tell us about his daughter stayed with me for life. It made a difference because it wasn't just stats and scolding, he was authentic and speaking from a human place I could identify with.

@ancientgran same, I didn't tell anyone I was still breastfeeding past 12 months. If anyone asked, I wouldn't lie but I was put off by a few people suggesting I was doing it for my own enjoyment (not envy). A few women even started to get defensive about formula even though I never even mentioned it. Breastfeeding for that long definitely isn't for everyone and I would never judge another mum for her feeding choices but biologically speaking, breastfeeding past 12 months is completely natural and healthy. However, I was wrong to do it because it's not the "normal" thing to do.

So much for women's choices.

With all due respect I think you’re a bit over-invested here

Oh do you? Considering your utter rudeness I don’t think it’s me that’s ‘over invested’ simply because I’ve posted a few times I don’t like the nastiness. Why are you so incensed about someone else’s pride? Really. I’d like to know. What is it that irks you so much when a woman is happily sharing something like this? That anyone who finds your attacks OTT is called ‘over invested’

It’s strange you have such a strong reaction you’d be so unkind. It really is.

And you aren’t just expressing a difference of opinion, you’re insulting another woman. That’s what I’m specifically calling out. As I said.

It depends how you phrased what you put. Thanking the group for their support is one thing and fine, but take that too far and that puts people's backs up, especially if it's in a general baby group.

I BF for 3.5 years, through a whole host of problems (combi-fed for first year because of low supply) and it was the BFers who made me feel awful - the constant pressure to keep going, the 'I love my baby so I tried really hard to make it work' stuff which is really common and just ups the pressure, the looking down on formula feeders (ironically I BF for several years longer than the BFing bullies in the end !) the formula shaming in public. You've come across women who've experienced all of this because it's a general baby group.

Your post was deleted captain so it wasn’t inline with guidelines and why I objected. Plenty of posters disagreed respectfully.

@squirrelfriends With me it was the sleep conversation trap, every time. Once my daughter was past one, Whenever I was having a collegial moan with other mums about her terrible sleep they'd ask "are you still breastfeeding?" and when I said yes start on about how she didn't need it, how I'd 'done enough', how I should take my body back, how she'd sleep better if I stopped, the old classic 'rod for my own back' - basically got a massive scolding for daring to be doing something outside the norm. When I hadn't even brought it up!!! Ugh.

It does help to have your tribe. But it depresses me that my ability to feel comfortable with people (or rather, their ability to feel comfortable with me) should so often depend on how and for how long we fed our babies. I do have mum friends of all stripes and of course for those with a difficult back story re breastfeeding I edit myself sensitively so as to avoid causing awkwardness between us; but when posting to a generic group of anonymous mums, surely all stories are valid and there should be room for that? If people don't like it, they can simply scroll past. There is no need to slap someone down.

Incensed? 🤣🤣🤣

I’m really not. Why on earth would I be?

And I know with absolute certainty that I’m not the only poster who HQ have jumped on the delete button for because they couldn’t be bothered applying critical thinking to a thread. I don’t put much store in that, tbh.

Critical thinking 😂😂😂

@OhCaptain

Incensed? 🤣🤣🤣

I’m really not. Why on earth would I be?

And I know with absolute certainty that I’m not the only poster who HQ have jumped on the delete button for because they couldn’t be bothered applying critical thinking to a thread. I don’t put much store in that, tbh.

TBH It’s worse that you can casually sling around such nasty assertions if you’re not even really all that bothered/ invested/ incensed.

Really? I didn’t think saying someone seemed dramatic or theatrical was such a heinous crime.

Maybe my neck of the woods is different. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OhCaptain. Your original message was deleted, so it would appear that your message didn't in fact adhere to talk guidelines.

@Somethingsnappy

OhCaptain. Your original message was deleted, so it would appear that your message didn't in fact adhere to talk guidelines.

I know. That’s already been weirdly floated about, thanks.