To think its no bloody wonder theyre fat?

[ImFree2doasiwant]

My family members. Namely mum and sister.

(I might add, I am also a bit overweight, but trying sucessfully but slowly, REALLY bloody hard to lose it)

Every single family occasion goes like this. Me and dsis taking DC on a day trip. Organising picnic. I say I'll do mine and hers. I message to say I have made us both a really nice salad, with tasty topping and couple of very nice extras, plus a small roll each. She is bringing a nice uncut loaf and butter. I've got rolls already. She has got a couple of "nice salad bits" (This will be coleslaw, couscous, bean salad etc. ) we don't need 2 or 3 more boxes of salad bits, as ive made us both a substantial, varied, filling lunch. It has cost me about £5 each. (Not complaining about the cost)

Ds birthday. Family gathering. I message to say I have stuff for a bbq. I list burgers, sausages, chicken skewers, Some marinated chicken. Lots of sides. Both ask if I need anything. No. I don't need anything else. Both arrive with huge HUGE quantities of food. I had got more than enough for Everyone. One of them brought about twice the amount I had, and the other about the same as I had. I find it really annoying, it's as if I can't possibly have provided enough food . And it irritates me that I could have just not bothered and there would still have been too much.

Yet both, one in particular, does nothing but complain about being very overweight. Surely if someone says "I'll provide lunch" you don't need to then add a load more extra stuff in.

I think that your family are rude. I would suggest that you all agree to bring your own food. Loads of previous posters have been unnecessarily mean. I see your pov.

Every single family occasion

If it bugs you that much, why continue doing it?

The picnic I say fair enough as I guess they see it as more than a normal meal.

BBQs I am really squeamish about leftovers. The thought of a load of people bringing stuff makes me feel panicky I just wouldn’t invite them round for one if that is what they were going to do. If they want to contribute I’d ask them to bring pudding or something specific like some steak.

YANBU. They're in denial.

As are a lot of people on this thread that it hit a nerve with.

As are so many people in the U.K and the Western world.

It's a losing battle in general atm though OP, which is upsetting when it includes people you love. But who are the winners really?

They’re bloody rude, but I knew that people would flame the OP for this...

Just because people bring their own food doesn’t mean the OP doesn’t provide enough. It means they’re rude fuckers.

Taking a pack of sausages or a dessert for e.g. is a courtesy. Taking burgers, sausages, chicken, crisps, bread, salad it’s as if they were just turning up at the bbq spot with their own food and it’s rude and extremely bad manners.

Not to mention the fact that so much of it will go to waste.

I look at the meat some people (myself included on occasion) eat at a bbq with added salad/bread/crisps and I think to myself that if you were served that as a mixed grill in a restaurant you would think that it was far far to much and many people wouldn’t even order it for that reason.

Yet it’s seemingly the done thing to have a week’s worth of food in one sitting purely because it’s a bbq. Why is that?

And yes, if they eat that much then it’s little wonder they’re fat. But I would just ignore them on that score. Clearly they’re content being fat, even if they do complain about it, so just leave them to it...

Why didn't you wrap it up and let them take it home ? Sounds like a competitive who can buy the most food situation and as you said you are over weight your self you probably took part in my food is better than yours thing and now you are just noticing.

So you're on a diet which seems to me as if it means everyone else has to be. Did your sister want the salad box for her and her kids, would her kids even eat is (picky eaters age or whatever) or would she have preferred a picnic to be an old-fashioned The Wind in the Willows type spread:

'Hold hard a minute, then!’ said the Rat. He looped the painter through a ring in his landing-stage climbed up into his hole above, and aftera short interval reappeared staggering under a fat, wicker luncheon-basket.
'Shove that under your feet,’ he observed to the Mole, as he passedit down into the boat. Then he untied the painter and took the sculls again.
‘What’s inside it?’ asked the Mole, wriggling with curiosity.
‘There’s cold chicken inside it,’ replied the Rat briefly; ‘coldtonguecoldhamcoldbeefpickledgherkinssaladfrenchrollscresssandwichespottedmeatgingerbeerlemonadesodawater—’
‘O stop, stop,’ cried the Mole in ecstacies: ‘This is too much!’
‘Do you really think so?’ enquired the Rat seriously. ‘It’s only what I always take on these little excursions; and the other animals are always telling me that I’m a mean beast and cut it very fine!

Childhood joy! And what picnics should be. Not a little salad box, a small roll and some 'exciting' toppings.

Oh gosh you got flamed in the early pages!

I guess it’s the title - yes that’s probably why they are fat!

It’s the done thing to contribute to bbqs/picnics so it’s fine for them to bring stuff but sounds a bit OTT.

I wondered if your diet had anything to do with it? Like I’m on slimming world but I don’t expect others to follow it so if they want to come to a bbq at my house, I will cater for everyone but they are welcome to bring extras that they fancy. (I will still do loads though, home made burgers, marinated chicken etc). Equally if I go to someone’s house, if it’s bring and share I will take SW recipes and extra for others.

I find having food dictated quite difficult, I have a super picky eating husband and I either like things or don’t. For example I cannot stomach prawns since severe food poisoning so would be in an awkward position if someone prepared them for me and there was no alternative!

Maybe they are more psychologically addicted to food than you and they just feel more relaxed knowing it’s there. It probably is why they’re fat but they have to find their own way. Maybe just don’t share food if it’s not working anymore.

My MIL does this. She brings too much food or she serves too much food.

She, however, is teeny tiny. She doesn't eat any of it!!

Therefore IMO the weight issue and the over catering issue are not necessarily linked.

I'm astonished at most of the replies on here OP. I wonder if people would react the same way if it wasn't your sister, and it wasn't picnics and BBQs you were talking about. Bet everyone would be responding differently if it was your MIL turning up to a dinner you had carefully prepared, with a huge bag of her own food. I'm sure you'd be getting very different responses then.

It's bloody rude when someone has gone to a load of trouble and expense to prepare food to then turn up with a ton of your own food. It's so wasteful.

We have a friend who spends ages in his kitchen preparing various home cooked stuff and we go to his place often to enjoy his food. We take a bottle or two and that's it.
We are good cooks and have plenty of compliments when we have people over for dinner but whenever we have him over he brings a load of extra food that we just don't need. It's a complete waste and pees me off.

If I was you OP I just wouldn't bother anymore. If you're going on a picnic just tell your sister to bring her own portion and you just take enough for you. And as for BBQs just provide the bare minimum and let them bring the rest. Or say you'll provide the drinks, and they can bring the food. It's such a waste otherwise - I can't abide a load of waste. So bad for the planet.

Cannot believe the ignorance of an earlier OP on this thread about loving it if there's loads of waste after a BBQ - ridiculous. Waste is not good on so many levels.

Your MIL's a feeder Laiste :)

Frankly OP I think everyone who has posted saying you’re being unreasonable and been mean about your hosting is a massive fatty and it hit a little too close to home for them.

Oh god I hate over catering. It drives me mad. My two best friends do this and it results in crazy over eating and lots of waste/tupperware tetris.

They're not fat and neither am I but it's like an arms race every time our families get together. I know that if I turned up empty handed there would still be too much food but that would be horribly rude so I join in.

I don't know the answer, I'd hate to hurt anyone's feelings.

could you say something like, we have enough food can u bring drinks? so theyre isn't tons of waste but they get to bring something? x

I don't think you should have mentioned salad OP

My sister is like you. Always has to be in charge of food. When we go to hers she has a menu set out. When she comes to mine, despite me saying I have it sorted she comes with a huge Aldi bag of food.

So the OP isn't like your sister at all then? But her family are. Honestly, in the rush to judge the OP so many posters have not read her posts properly.

I don't think yabu. I think it's really rude to turn up with all that food, and the waste would stress me out personally.

However, I do agree that you should say something to them about it, start by asking why they do it maybe?

Op, of you said this about anything else but fat, you would get "omg yes. So annoying"

It is annoying when someone eats large quantities while moaning about their weight. Do one or the other. And I say that as a fatso. And I cannot believe people wouldn't be annoyed if their family members kept bringing crapload of food when told not to, especially on things like planned bbq. Unless hosts days it's a potluck, leave bags of food at home. Basics.

And yes. If they eat all that, that's why they are fat. But you can't say that on MN because no one on MN gets fat from simply eating too much and being bit stupid with food choices😁 We who admit it are "anecdotes".

If I were you I would say, no food. If they bring something for meal in yours again, swiftly pop what needs in a fridge and give it to them back when they are leaving. Unless of course you really serve only very little food, which some people do.

Hmmm I can see what you mean about it by being rude brining their own food when you have put a lot of effort into it BUT I voted YABU because I don’t think you needed to bring their weight into it, sorry OP

I understand where you're coming from op, it can be difficult watching people you care about not make the changes that would help them. Next time they moan about their weight, then maybe you could mention how they always over provide at get togethers, but I expect it wouldn't go down too well! There is enough to worry about in the world without taking on their responsibilities as well as your own. I'd pack the leftovers up and give them to them to take home.

I have relatives like this. Would always turn up with bags of unnecessary food when I had already provided a full lunch/dinner. I got strict with sending them home with anything they’d brought that wasn’t used. Would just say I’m really sorry but I’m on a diet and don’t want all this extra food in the house. Now they don’t turn up with bags of food any more!

Fine to be irritated with them bringing 10 times what was agreed to a BBQ and it potentially going to waste. But you need to separate that from their weight. If you'd just said AIBU to be irritated about the BBQ incident, you'd have had a very, very different response.

The bringing stuff to BBQs is just what's normal as guests, if you don't make things.

I'f I have time, I'd rather contribute one slightly bigger than needed tasty thing than a plethora of extras, but if I didn't have time, somehow it's always a few bits from the supermarket.

The other thing is... My diet is adaptive for special occasions. I don't like other people telling when I can and can't break it. It's part of the willpower I'm developing around food. So if I've chosen to be extravagant, it pisses me off to have people monitoring the amount, and if I've chosen to have a salad, I don't need people badgering me to have more.

Your mum is over compensating for not having enough food during your childhood?

This would annoy me. I have similar in my family. I organised an evening buffet for them a couple of weeks ago. I specifically said just bring yourselves, I have bought loads of stuff. My two very overweight family members variously brought massive pizzas and little cakes (I told them I already bought pizza and cake) and a huge chocolate cream cake. Most of these were left over because they all ate the stuff I provided. I was giving away food for days!

I don’t know if they thought I would under cater or they just brought stuff they wanted/though appropriate. Like the OP, my family members always moan about being overweight and are forever going to Slimming World.

Have you ever actually tackled them on this, OP? As in why have you brought this when I told you I’d bought x, y and z?

On a picnic id expect a cold meats spread, ham, salami, cold chicken and the like, cheeses, garden salad with a french dressing,, potato salad, full of bacon, cheese and mayo, buttery bread rolls, plus sweets for after

Just reading that sounds exhausting. Who on earth brings french dressing to a picnic? And potato salad with bacon and cheese? Grim.

If people bring too much food it either gets wasted or people feel they have to eat it all. Neither is a good outcome.

I think you need to get firm with your family and say you have provided the food and they don't need to bring ten times as much again. Say they need to bring ONE thing like A pudding or A pack of sausages. For example, I don't eat red meat so I would take a pack of turkey sausages if I were unfortunate enough to be invited to a BBQ (I don't like them, what's wrong with using an oven? You can still sit outside if you like being attacked by wasps).