To ask if you regret (not) having a 'last chance' baby?

[Firefliesautumn]

I've often read on Mumsnet that many women get a strong urge to have a (usually 3rd) baby when it's their 'last chance' to do so, eg in late thirties/early forties.

For those who held off, as well as those who went for it, how do you feel now?

I'm trying to balance the last desperate shouts of my ovaries with more practical considerations...

I'm the same, Jane, except no big age gap because I got started late.

I’m so sorry @Janejones12. Thank you for sharing that I apologise for my insensitivity. I won’t use that phrase again.

I really wanted a third baby. We tried & eventually became pregnant. I miscarried & was devastated. DH wouldn't try again & we carried on with our 2 DC.
Since then we've had family disasters & 3 DC would have been very difficult so perhaps it worked out for the best. Things like we've had to book travel lodges to visit my family so it's easier to get a room for 4

DH really didn’t want any more, so we stopped at 2. I would have quite liked a third - not a passionate ‘need’ for a child like I had for DC1 & 2, but I was broody and would have had another any time from when my second was born when I was 31 up until I was about 38/39.

I’m 43 now and think stopping at 2 was the sensible thing for us. I’m especially glad I didn’t have a last, late baby. Babies are adorable, but I’ll be fucked if I could have patience with a 4 yr old these days . I had my friend’s (perfectly lovely) 5 yr old for a few days last summer and I was shattered and SO glad I could hand her back to her Mum!

I wanted a third at 30. So glad I didn't, brought me out in a cold sweat over the years.

The teenage years were hard and expensive enough with two and they were good kids, I didn't realise how much energy and money I would need.

They're adults now and we've been able to do city breaks for the last few years, driving lessons, meals out with them and their girlfriends, such a joy.

Me and DP are now mid 40s and live our freedom too.

I realise know it wouldn't have been right for us.

I turned 40 (dh 42) with an 18 yr old and a 14 year old, We're now 44 & 46 with an 18 yr old and a 22 yr old - life is good!!

I don’t regret it at all. I had 2 dcs 6 and 4 and then those crazy hormones hit and we went for it. Dc3 is lovely and funny and all 3 dcs get on really well.
Everyone pitches in, I’m quite a chilled person so it hasn’t been that much extra work.

Oh, and I’m sorry if my post comes across as insensitive to those struggling. My oldest has a complex disability, so I understand how tough it is and hope I didn’t come across as a smuggard .

I had 2 x DC age 4 and 7 when I turned 40 and was with a new DP. Desperately wanted another baby, which I had , and I’m so glad. DP was a lazy bugger and left - so I’m now a single mum to three, but very glad I had number 3 DC

I'm only early 30s but had kids young in 20s. DH is getting a vasectomy as I just know my hormones will nag me eventually.

Rationally having a baby is not appropriate for my family, we are both career minded, we had kids young so have done that in our 20s, I don't want to do it in my 20s, 30s AND 40s. The thought of special needs or something going wrong genuinely worries me. And mostly, it isn't in my children's interests, we brought 2 children into this world and they deserve the attention we can give them which would be severely reduced with an additional child.

So we are going to make a rational decision before my hormones make me panic which seems so common. Take it off the table.

My friend had her second set of twins at 47. Her first set were 17. Planned. Seems to be loving it. Her DH is 50.
She's loaded though, doesn't work and seems to need something to fill her time.

I had my last at 35 (her dad I was 46) and unlike other posters my view was that I’d regret the baby I didn’t have, not the one I did. Its hard work and lockdown has been so awful with 3 kids in the house but I’m so happy with my lot. I feel ‘done’ and when I was told I’d need treatment that would remove my fertility this year I was more than happy to go ahead, no doubts at small.

That said it’s expensive and knackering and I’ve had no sleep or freedom for a decade now!

@OlympicProcrastinator

I’m so sorry *@Janejones12*. Thank you for sharing that I apologise for my insensitivity. I won’t use that phrase again.

You werent insensitive at all (-: My perspective must sound dreadful to many but it really is grim

The PP who said her DH is having a vasectomy to 'take it off the table' is very wise.

@LandedInMyLap. That’s how I feel as well. I sort of want/wanted another baby, but not the years of parenting!

late 30s here and I would regret another.
My body is desperately broody, but my mental health wouldn't cope and if any potential baby of mine had additional needs I know I wouldn't cope with that either .
so I'll take my only and be happy!

No not at all.One and done 🙂

Nope. So glad that I didn’t do it. Our life is getting easier as the kids grow up and having a toddler/ young child in tow would limit massively what we can do.

Absolutely not. Between 35-38 I toyed with it but decided against it. I’m 40 and my youngest is 13 so I think it was purely hormones.
We are all enjoying the next stage and I think of going through menopause with a teenager and thank god I didn’t!

I thought about it last year at 36 (already have four DS)....but actually after my nephew was born in December it made me realise that I really didn't want to return to baby days!

I'm glad I made the decision, and I'm focusing on my new job in September!

I dithered over a third for years, and eventually got too old. Am extremely glad I stuck at two, for economic, energy and other reasons, life turned up unexpectedly and I was very glad I didn't have a little third one to worry about on top of everything. Two teens is also plenty! So, no regrets here about my decision.

@Aquamarine1029

So sad were the disabilities linked to her age?

I'm 47, and my children are 20 (21 next month), and 23. It is wonderful. They are lovely young adults, and I have my life back. The thought of having a baby or young child at my age is enough to give me nightmares, and I say that as a mum who loved it when mine were babies. But now? No fucking way.

We went for a third and ended up with twins at 38. I don’t regret them but I do sometimes regret the other life we could have had, if that makes sense.

@Wolfgirrl

Yes, they are. It's awful.

I'm 41 now and no wish for a final baby

However when my youngest was nearly 2 I had to have surgery to remove my coil (long story but there's a 1 in 10,000 chance that it perforates your uterus and ends up in your abdomen and I was that 1) and they offered me sterilisation as I was 35 with kids, my gut was no, I may want more - I wasn't ready to say no more.

A year later he had a vasectomy - no regrets and no more babies (though I did have a little second thought the night before and told him not to - he looked at me as if I was stupid and said he wasn't backing up this late) Maybe it's because I don't have the option (or not with him) but I wouldn't want another