To ask if you regret (not) having a 'last chance' baby?

[Firefliesautumn]

I've often read on Mumsnet that many women get a strong urge to have a (usually 3rd) baby when it's their 'last chance' to do so, eg in late thirties/early forties.

For those who held off, as well as those who went for it, how do you feel now?

I'm trying to balance the last desperate shouts of my ovaries with more practical considerations...

Yes and no. I always assumed I'd have a second in my late 30s but got distracted with an ill-fated career move and a subsequent period of anxiety & depression. By the time I'd come through all that it felt too late. Biologically it's still not impossible but practically speaking it would be unwise. I feel about 40 years older than I did when I had my first. No way could I cope with sleep deprivation, PND or the financial stress now, not to mention the higher risk of complications.

If I regret anything it's farting about trying to advance a career that was perfectly fine as it was, damaging my mental health in the process and losing the chance to have a second child at a sensible time of my life. I'm mainly sad for DD, who I think would have made a fantastic big sister.

But we can't know what would have happened. Maybe they'd have hated each other. As it is we have one very much loved child who isn't short of friends & cousins to play with, a lovely home and a happy marriage. The decisions I made led to this and it's hard to regret that.

My boy was a surprise, had him at 44. We were fully prepared to be childless, although I wanted a child. I’d had a miscarriage in my 40s, previously. I just thought I’d missed the boat... Made DH aware, though, that the stakes were much higher with regards to the baby’s health / risk factor of various syndromes.
Delighted now with our son, but don’t know how he’ll feel about our ages when he grows up...

@thewhitechair

I know someone who had a 3rd when her older 2 were 9 and 11. Said it was the best decision she made and felt like she really got to enjoy the baby and toddler stage properly because with the other 2 the age gap had been too close for her/she’d been too young/she’d had other stresses. She was early 30s though and I don’t really know about the stats when it comes to pregnancy in 40s.

This is exactly what appeals to me - relishing the baby years now I know how precious they are and how fast they go by. I was in my twenties when I had my two and I was ambitious, restless and found it all really hard

But maybe I wouldn’t be able to relish a baby with two teens in tow! Not to mention the impact on the teens themselves...

Thanks so much again to everyone who has shared on this thread, I’ve found it so helpful

@Sayitagainwhydontyou

My aunt had a "last chance" baby at 42, and ended up with profoundly disabled twins, on top of her elder child who now has significant MH issues. It destroyed her marriage and her career, and the child she already had.

Women are always told they can have it all, but the fact of the matter is if you leave it too late but go for it anyway, you can end up paying for it for the rest of your life.

That’s sounds really difficult I think sometimes you have to appreciate what you already have!

I'm 47, we didn't have a third even though i really wanted a one. I sometimes still have a pang. I know what my third child would have been called boy or girl and I think the family dynamic is great with three. But on the whole i don't regret not doing it. We are better off financially and we are very free now our kids are 13 and 15. My life is much easier than it would have been. We've had some great holidays we wouldn't have been able to have. So no, no regrets.

If I’m 100% honest, I still want another one even though I’m 46 and DH has had a vasectomy. That ship has definitely sailed.🤣
If my children decide to have kids I’ll be an enthusiastic GP instead.

I had a last chance baby and so glad I did. It's marvelous

Sayitagainwhydontyou - yes I have two boys!

I do from time to time. We just couldn't have managed it financially or practically though. It hit hard when each of my two left primary school. I found the leaving of primary school really hard. Now we've moved on, I feel better, so in a way it's good that I don't have a third so I'd have to go through it again!