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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

627 replies

Elsiebear90 · 22/08/2020 17:53

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 22/08/2020 17:55

They were unreasonable to say that to a 7yo as should know better. They are old enough to rise above it.

However, Lily was rude and should be told as such.

Thisismytimetoshine · 22/08/2020 17:58

Of course the adult shouldn't have said that (she sounds a right old cow), but the child was being a rude brat, frankly.

Pipandmum · 22/08/2020 18:00

Seven year olds don't have too much of a filter. Adults should. If I had been Jack's mum I would have been mortified and reviewed my behaviour as to why a child didn't think I was friendly. But she did prove your daughter right - she IS unfriendly!

NoSquirrels · 22/08/2020 18:01

Nothing will be gained from ‘having a word’. Lily needs to understand what she said was a bit hurtful, but that there’s nothing to be afraid of or upset about with Jack’s parents.

It was childish of Jack’s mum to retort, and Adam’s mum did the right thing saying Lily should ignore it. Lily’s mum could either get Lily to write a short apology note (‘Sorry for hurting your feelings’) or just tell Lily not to worry about it anymore. But ‘having a word’ would be ridiculous.

stayathomer · 22/08/2020 18:01

I don't even know what to say! Maybe it slipped out, maybe she was showing off or joking but god, really bad!! Definitely she needs to be spoken to!!

Alcoholabuse · 22/08/2020 18:02

Jack’s mum should have known better as ‘lily didn’t start it as she’s a child.

This could be a really important life lesson for her that most people don’t learn until much older (if at all).

I’m sure that lily won’t say anything that she wouldn’t say to somebody’s face.

piscean10 · 22/08/2020 18:02

this is a lesson for Lily to learn that if she says unkind things then there's a good chance that she's going to get the same in return. no I don't think your friend should have a word.

greenette · 22/08/2020 18:03

I would have probably reacted the same, in a split second situation like that.

She's learnt a life lesson very early on. I don't think it's very nice that she is scared of bumping into the adult though.

alexdgr8 · 22/08/2020 18:03

i don't think the child was rude.
she was simply stating her feelings and experience and supporting her friend adam.
the woman was rather childish to make such a comment to a child.
but she was within her rights too.
you cannot pull her up on it. the child has to learn that this is life, some people are not very pleasant. we just avoid them and spend time with those who we enjoy being with.
the child was confirmed in her estimation of this woman. she can be commended on her wise perception, ie keeping away from cold fuzzies type people places situations. well done.

Danni91 · 22/08/2020 18:04

Mother sounds horrid - kids are only kids and you should never speak like that to someone elses child

Lily however needs a filter, whoops. Her mum needs to teach her its not ok to be mean to people

I suppose a little dose of what she gave is fair in theory. But i cant condone it but maybe thats because i couldnt bring myself to ever do that to my childrens buddies.

TeeBee · 22/08/2020 18:04

Childish but Lily needs to learn not to be rude. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Instead of 'having a word' the mother should use it as a learning opportunity to teach her child not to badmouth people because she's likely to get an unpleasant retort.

Ijustreallywantacat · 22/08/2020 18:05

Frankly I think she's seen natural consequences play out. That's just what can happen if you gossip about people out in the open. Now hopefully she knows that. I perhaps wouldn't have said that but I don't think its an entirely unreasonable retort.

TheQueef · 22/08/2020 18:05

Unfortunate to be over heard and Jacks mum needs to grow up but as PP say it's a lesson learned.

Cillmantain · 22/08/2020 18:06

Jack's mum was unreasonable to say that to a 7 year old.
However Lily was rude and has learnt a hard lesson

Itisbetter · 22/08/2020 18:06

Well Lily knows what it’s like to hear she isn’t liked now and if she is encouraged to be kind and compassionate won’t say hurtful things about the neighbours where they can hear.

Ijustreallywantacat · 22/08/2020 18:08

Also, definitely don't speak to the mum. This is good life lesson for lily, as she was being rude.

Straycatblue · 22/08/2020 18:09

@piscean10

this is a lesson for Lily to learn that if she says unkind things then there's a good chance that she's going to get the same in return. no I don't think your friend should have a word.
This ^

Lily doesnt sound like she has much resiliance, it sounds like good time to teach her the realities of being caught saying unpleasant things about someone.

Her parent should also guide her on how to deal with it, ie apologise to the neighbours who she was slagging off (and also teach her they may not accept apology and how to move forward regardless).

Why should the neighbours just sit there and say nothing while horrible things are being said about them. Just because you are a child doesnt give you free pass to be unpleasant.

NamedyChangedy · 22/08/2020 18:10

Lily should be asked to apologise, either in person or in writing. 7 year olds are mature enough to understand what is appropriate communication and how to be considerate to other people's feelings. Jack's mum doesn't deserve to be insulted and it sounds like Lily's behaviour is probably the reason why she's not 'friendly' any more.

Notthetoothfairy · 22/08/2020 18:11

I’m with Jack’s mum on this one. If your child is rude, you should be embarrassed, not want to have a word with someone who replied (and was no rude than the child!)

Sophiafour · 22/08/2020 18:11

I learned at a very young age that in most of the UK at least one way to describe "not liking" someone in this kind of situation is to say you "don't know" them. Utterly neutral. I agree the mum could have chosen a different reaction though, for a 7 year old.

RoadworksAgain · 22/08/2020 18:11

Haha, in that split second, I may have blurted out the same thing that Jack's mum did. I'd have probably regretted it later though.

Maybe Jack's parents aren't that friendly towards Lily because they can see she's rude and a little gossip in the making alreadyGrin

Anyway, a harsh lesson learned for Lily.

popsydoodle4444 · 22/08/2020 18:15

Jack's mum needs to give her head a wobble .Say's everything you need to know when she's happy to farm Jack out to her neighbours houses for a few hours peace but won't reciprocate.

Any reasonable adult would keep their mouth shut in front of a 7 year old.

We had a parent like this at the parent and tot groups I went to.She'd be happy to go to other people's houses and let her kids make a mess there but would seldom return the favour.My friend got a begrudgingly issued invite once;apparently the house was like a show home and the kids were confined to one room and only alllowed one toy out at a time.The other mum was also very judgmental and a little unhinged and reported her neighbour,some mums from her kids school and a mum from p&t group to social services saying they were all abusing their kids.She moved and none of the p&t parents heard from her again.

dontdisturbmenow · 22/08/2020 18:17

Totally depends on the tone of voice that was used.

However, ultimately, I agree that she's learnt her lesson. Sometimes we learn in not the most pleasant ways

Noneformethanks · 22/08/2020 18:18

Natural consequence.

Floralnomad · 22/08/2020 18:20

Everybody is in the wrong here except the one who said to ignore it , the child was rude , the mum was rude and there is nothing to be gained by tackling her about it . The child will hopefully have learnt a lesson .

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