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Original poster

Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

627 replies

Elsiebear90 · 22/08/2020 17:53

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

OP posts:
Annierose293 · 22/08/2020 18:21

Of course it was rude. Adults don't speak that way to children.
The little girl didn't realise the woman was there and was only saying what she thought. Children pick up on adult behaviour. Any 7 year old would interpret it that way (and it sounds like the adults agree with what she said). She only said the parents were not that friendly. It's not as if she shouted insults directly at the woman.

FlySheMust · 22/08/2020 18:22

I guess the words were out before she had chance to think.

Lily was very rude, though.

meow1989 · 22/08/2020 18:22

Is it a rude thing to say though? She was being honest and wasn't aware that she was saying it in front of the mum. If theure jotnvery friendly then why shouldn't she say so.

Jacks mum was in the wrong.

MintyMabel · 22/08/2020 18:23

What a horrid 7 year old. Someone needs to teach her some manners.

smallestleaf · 22/08/2020 18:23

i don't think the child was rude
she was simply stating her feelings and experience

Yes she was. Tbh I am impressed by her ability to state clearly when she doesn't feel comfortable in someone else's presence and say that means she doesn't want to be in their presence. That should absolutely be supported to grow, not knocked out of her. Its especially important for girls who are often socialised into being 'kind' at expense to themselves.

Lily also has an excellent ability to read people's characters. She was dead right about Jack's mum.

Jack's mum is a ridiculous and childish individual. What a thing to say to a child. Of course Lily is upset, there is a huge power relationship going on here, as there is with all adults, and Lily, as a child, is on the powerless end of that. Frankly, any adult who responds like that to a young child is a bully.

YgritteSnow · 22/08/2020 18:24

For goodness sake, no one on here has ever said they didn't like someone when that person wasn't around?

I don't even think she was. rude. She was saying what she thought. The only thing I'd say to her is to be more careful who she speaks to and about what and not get overheard.

Honestly calling her a "rude brat" is far nastier than what she, a 7 year old said.

meow1989 · 22/08/2020 18:25

Sorry: if they're not friendly

DopamineHits · 22/08/2020 18:25

the child was being a rude brat, frankly.

Considering what happened next, I think Lily sounds like a very astute judge of character actually...

smallestleaf · 22/08/2020 18:26

Lily wasn't rude as she wasn't saying it to Jack's mum and didn't know she could hear.

All the people saying Lily was rude. Have you never, ever criticised or said you don't like someone? Do you consider yourself rude too?

Thought not.

CareBearFan · 22/08/2020 18:26

The little girl didn't realise the woman was there and was only saying what she thought..... She only said the parents were not that friendly. It's not as if she shouted insults directly at the woman.

I agree with this.

Marchitectmummy · 22/08/2020 18:26

I would be ashamed if my daughter said that at 7, I also wouldn't want my child playing with a child like that.

7 is old enough to have been taught how to communicate their thoughts without being offensive.

piscean10 · 22/08/2020 18:27

Well lily did insult Jack as well so the mother just stuck up for him.
Lesson for lily here.

OneForMeToo · 22/08/2020 18:27

Well after living next door to my own lilly maybe this is just one of many snarky comments by lilly and finally jacks mums has enough.

Maybe she should be the adult but you know what children also shouldn’t be rude, you can’t loudly and openly talk about your dislike in such a close vicinity and expect nothing back. I came very very close to a few comments back to my own lilly. I didn’t because thankfully she’s now gone.

Aridane · 22/08/2020 18:28

Child was being a brat - parent retorted accordingly (even though perhaps a bit childish given she’s the adult). Lesson learnt, move on

smallestleaf · 22/08/2020 18:28

And I can't help noticing the irony of all the people calling Lily rude for saying she does not like someone, yet calling her a 'brat' and 'horrid'.

Surely, by your own arguments, that makes you lot rude too?

FitbitMum · 22/08/2020 18:28

Lily said what she thought. I don't think she was rude. But I'm glad that Jack's mum said the same back to her. Now Lily has learnt that her actions have consequences and what she said can hurt peoples feelings.

Nobody is in the wrong and ffs no your friend should not have a word

Aridane · 22/08/2020 18:29

I don't think the child was rude.
she was simply stating her feelings and experience

I love this comment and am going to use it henceforth when saying cunty things Grin

CheetasOnFajitas · 22/08/2020 18:29

People are missing that Lily didn’t say this directly to Jack’s Mum. She didn’t know that the Mum was listening.

It’s hardly rude to tell your friend that you don’t like someone because they are not very friendly!

She didn’t even say “Jack’s Mum is a right cow” or anything particularly unkind. It was a mildly-expresses opinion not intended for the ears of the person it concerned.

Jack’s Mum was out of order.

SentientAndCognisant · 22/08/2020 18:29

My god what puerile she said,he said, I said tittle tattle Who gives a fuck
Anyone sensible would ignore it,not raise again,it’s a silly little spat
Those with no semblance of social savvy will undoubtedly keep it going

IKEA888 · 22/08/2020 18:30

is forget it and move on.
less learnt.
if guess maybe Jack's mum is a wee tad unhinged .

AppleCinnamonSlice · 22/08/2020 18:30

I really don’t think we should be jumping all over a 7 year old and calling her rude and brat because she expressed how she felt. We’ve got to stop socialising girls to be people pleasers.

Children need to be taught that actually it’s ok to avoid people if you don’t feel comfortable near them.

Lily needs to develop a bit of resilience- she made a comment about how she felt, and she received one back, but it doesn’t mean she needs to get upset by it, people might not always like us, that’s up to them! But as she is only 7 then it’s understandable her resilience might need developing, that’s something to help her with.

itsgettingweird · 22/08/2020 18:30

If I did and said what Lily did and for the same response I would have been told that I have to accept that if I say something hurtful out loud that others may hear I have to accept they may say things back.

We soon learnt quickly.

Hopefully lily will get over herself and learn not to do it again 🤷‍♀️

CheetasOnFajitas · 22/08/2020 18:30

@smallestleaf

i don't think the child was rude she was simply stating her feelings and experience

Yes she was. Tbh I am impressed by her ability to state clearly when she doesn't feel comfortable in someone else's presence and say that means she doesn't want to be in their presence. That should absolutely be supported to grow, not knocked out of her. Its especially important for girls who are often socialised into being 'kind' at expense to themselves.

Lily also has an excellent ability to read people's characters. She was dead right about Jack's mum.

Jack's mum is a ridiculous and childish individual. What a thing to say to a child. Of course Lily is upset, there is a huge power relationship going on here, as there is with all adults, and Lily, as a child, is on the powerless end of that. Frankly, any adult who responds like that to a young child is a bully.

Great post.
DopamineHits · 22/08/2020 18:31

7 is old enough to have been taught how to communicate their thoughts without being offensive.

7 Year old child - "I'd rather play here because his parents aren't very friendly."

Full grown adult yells over fence - "We don't like you either 7 year old child!"

How is if offensive, when the woman's behaviour confirmed (and then some) what she'd just said? If anything she sounds quite diplomatic for such a young child.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 22/08/2020 18:31

I think Jack’s mum sounds unpleasant and Lily is a good judge of character. A massive lesson learned for Lily today- somE people are just plain horrible. The best thing Lily and her mum can do is ignore Jack’s mum.

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