Neighbour to 7 year old “We don’t like you either”

[Elsiebear90]

This happened to my friend’s 7 year old daughter, her mum is wondering if the neighbour was being unreasonable in saying this and should she bring it up next time she sees her as her daughter is very upset.

So my friend’s daughter (Lily) plays with a little boy who lives behind their house called Adam (names changed). Lily is with Adam and his mum in their front garden when Adam says he wants to play with the little boy who lives next door to him called Jack, but they’re never allowed to play in Jack’s house even though Jack plays in his (Adam’s) house all the time (which my friend says is true). Lily then says “I don’t mind though, I’d rather play in your house, because I don’t really like Jack’s mum and dad, they’re not that friendly”, not realising that Jack’s mum is also outside in her front garden. Jack’s mum then shouts over “Well don’t worry because we don’t like you either Lily”. Lily then became very upset, started crying and Jack’s mum then said “Don’t cry, you started it”, Adam’s mum is not on friendly terms with Jack’s mum and told Lily to just ignore her.

Lily is now very upset and scared to see Jack and his mum and dad again so doesn’t want to play with Adam any more as they’re next door neighbours. Was Jack’s mum unreasonable to say this to a 7 year old (despite her saying she didn’t like them first) and should my friend discuss it with her next time they bump into each other?

Rude children who aren't corrected grow into rude adults. Seems they met each other in thus occasion.

How is it offensive to say “I don’t like this person because they’re unfriendly?” It sounds quite mature (and astute given how the adult in this situation responded). If she had have said “I hate this person because they’re stinky and nasty” I’d understand.

The adult who responded should be ashamed of herself to be honest. Perhaps Lily touched a nerve.

From what you say, Jack's mum isn't very friendly. Lily was just stating the truth as she's experienced it and didn't realise she was being overheard. Lily was not being deliberately rude. The lesson for her is to be more careful when talking about others in future.

Jack's mum is rude. She was deliberately rude and hurtful to a child. She's a bully. Can totally see why Lily isn't comfortable around her.

@piscean10

this is a lesson for Lily to learn that if she says unkind things then there's a good chance that she's going to get the same in return. no I don't think your friend should have a word.

I agree.

It was mean and immature to say that to a child, but tbh around 7yo is a natural age to realise that sometimes you need to check the situation before shooting your mouth off same way as saying something to a pal that they repeat to others, or showing off without realising the teacher is standing behind you!

This needs to go no further imo. If Jacks mum is a normal decent person, she'll feel a prickle of guilt now anyway, and if not, she won't give a stuff whatever is mentioned to her.

I also tgink that we should encourage children, especially little girls to state their dislike of being in unfriendly etc peoples company.

It isn't rude to express feelings. She didn't say it directly to the Mother. If I'd have been Adam's Mum, I'd have told her that it was rude to listen to other people's conversations.

Who needs to retaliate to an overheard seven year old? Someone unfriendly and pathetic.

Lily was rude, the adult was ruder.

Lily was not rude. Jack’s mother was.

Lily did not know Jack’s mother was there. Lily spoke to her friend explaining clearly that she was uncomfortable and the reason why- saying someone isn’t friendly is not a rude thing to say. It’s a thought-about opinion. She has the right to speak up, and it’s something to be encouraged.

Jack’s mother had no filter, overreacted in an emotional way, snapping back at a child.

@MintyMabel Are you joking? It’s evident that Jack’s mum and dad are very much not friendly. As far as I can just see she’s just explaining to her friend why she doesn’t want to go to their house. Yes, she perhaps shouldn’t have said that she didn’t like them in the open and this will be a good lesson in tact for her, but for you to call her horrid? You sound horrid yourself. Awful response.

sounds like lily had a valid point about Jack's parents lol

I don't think the child was being rude to say she didn't like someone because they were unfriendly. Totally reasonable thing to say. I'd tell Lily that not everyone in her life is going to be a friend/like her and that's ok.

@smallestleaf

i don't think the child was rude she was simply stating her feelings and experience

Yes she was. Tbh I am impressed by her ability to state clearly when she doesn't feel comfortable in someone else's presence and say that means she doesn't want to be in their presence. That should absolutely be supported to grow, not knocked out of her. Its especially important for girls who are often socialised into being 'kind' at expense to themselves.

Lily also has an excellent ability to read people's characters. She was dead right about Jack's mum.

Jack's mum is a ridiculous and childish individual. What a thing to say to a child. Of course Lily is upset, there is a huge power relationship going on here, as there is with all adults, and Lily, as a child, is on the powerless end of that. Frankly, any adult who responds like that to a young child is a bully.

Spot on!

Some of these comments are unbelievable. Lily wasn't rude, she was simply expressing an opinion to her friend, unaware that she was being listened to. She didn't say anything horrible, just stated how she felt.

The adult was very unkind and I can see how Lily would have been frightened by her response. What's more, it was rude of her to be listening in on the children's conversation.

I really wonder why no one has pulled Adam up on 'rudeness' and 'gossiping' or being a 'brat' or any of the horrible things you've said about Lily. It's almost as if little girls are supposed to be seen and not heard and not allowed to have feelings and opinions of their own at all.

@Wishihadanalgorithm

I think Jack’s mum sounds unpleasant and Lily is a good judge of character. A massive lesson learned for Lily today- somE people are just plain horrible. The best thing Lily and her mum can do is ignore Jack’s mum.

Ridiculous post...

This is a lesson for Lily to learn that if she says unkind things then there's a good chance that she's going to get the same in return
I agree

What? You agree that children, lets face it here, girls, should be taught not to stand up for themselves against people who are unpleasant to them, for fear of hurting the feelings of the unpleasant people? Couldn't disagree with you more. I want the exact opposite for girls and young women.

Lily was spot on. Jack's mother is clearly unfriendly. Lily did exactly the right thing saying she didn't want to go into their house. There's nothing 'impolite' about avoiding unpleasant adults!

Meanwhile there is everything wrong with Jack's mother being so nasty to Lily in return. Lily didn't realise Jack's mother was there, and is 7 years old. Jack's mother is a grown woman and deliberately insulted a 7 year old.

Do we really want to tell girls they must be 'nice' and passive, even to the point of going into an unpleasant adult's house when they really don't want to?

I really wonder why no one has pulled Adam up on 'rudeness' and 'gossiping' or being a 'brat' or any of the horrible things you've said about Lily. It's almost as if little girls are supposed to be seen and not heard and not allowed to have feelings and opinions of their own at all

This!

I don’t think she was rude. Had she said it to the mum it would have been but she didn’t know the mum was there. She was just stating what she thought. Maybe it should give the mum pause for thought but it won’t.

Wow what a commotion over nothing. I had a small child once say ‘i don’t like you!’ I said ‘ok well I don’t like you either so we‘re quits!’ She carried on happily and later said actually she did like me and l said ‘well I like you too!’ All sorted. Lilly will learn that words have consequences, good and bad. So they don’t like her? She can just ignore them.

This is a great lesson for Lily. She should learn to keep her opinions on others to herself, and that if she does choose to voice them she has to be prepared to take as well as give.

She was rude, so she’s just dealing with the consequences of that. Maybe she’ll think twice in future.

And no, her mother shouldn’t raise it with the neighbour. She should talk to her daughter about her rudeness though.

Why are people saying Lily was rude? I thought I was going mad reading the first half of this thread. She didn’t do anything wrong. Jack’s mother wasn’t very pleasant though, was she?

Jeez Louise. I'm not 100% clear where Jack was in this scenario, but I don't think Lily is a brat or a gossip, and certainly not 'very rude' or 'horrid'. Adam wasn't inviting her to engage in a good ole bitch-fest: he observed that they weren't ever allowed to play at Jack's - which is a bit odd if you send your kid to other people's houses to play but never reciprocate - and Lily responded that that was ok because Jack's parents were unfriendly and she didn't really like them. This is probably a true and fair comment given that Jack's mum is clearly brittle and impulsive enough to make that comment over a fence. To a seven year old child.
I wouldn't be asking her to submit a written apology! That's crackers. I'd caution her that, while we sometimes don't like people, we should be very careful about saying so, particularly if we might be overheard. And that if we believe what we've said to be true, we shouldn't get in a tizzy if challenged.

It's what wankers call "a teachable moment"
No doubt little Lily has learnt to look around before speaking. And that words hurt adults as well.

Jack’s mum for the win.
If you say mean things don’t be surprised if it is dished back. It’s a lesson Lily clearly needs to learn.

Are you joking?

Not at all. When people explain away a child’s rudeness as simply being honest, they do the child no favours.