Is this an emotional affair

[Stressedup]

My partner talks to a woman online every day. Up to 10hrs a day chatting all through the day. He will stay up all night talking to her, even though we have a 7 month old.
So he sleeps all day and I am left with the baby.

He says they are just friends. But he has also called her beautiful and said her boyfriend was "so fucking lucky" and that if he was single he would probably be interested.
He tells me every day that she is nicer than me. He tells her every detail of our fights. He tells me she is more important to him right now because we have been fighting.

My mil (his mum) says I have no right to ask him to dial back the intensity of this friendship to save our relationship. He agrees.
We have been fighting but I am willing to do anything to fix this. He is not even willing to say he cares. He says staying is showing he cares.

They both say this does not constitute an emotional affair.
Aibu

Yabu= not an emotional affair
Yanbu= definitely an emotional affair

This is absolutely an emotional affair and completely disrespectful for you. You need to put an end to this affair or the relationship. There is no excuse for his behaviour. He is putting more time into this lady than you and your child who should be his priority. Please do not ignore this as this will knock yourself self esteem comparing yourself to this 'beautiful' woman. If he thinks that he 'would go there if he was single' what he's actually saying is that he wants this other lady. Respect yourself, take your baby and live a happy life. There will 100% be somebody who respects and loves you without the need of finding a better option online as he is clearly thinking the grass is greener x

He's not bothered, then, is he.
He's just basically given you your answer - he picked her (or him, who knows!)

I know it's a lot harder when it's you, but think about your future being like this, him being emotionally and mentally absent, not just for you but also for your child - this can't be what you want for your baby.

Go see your family.

How has it been since the ultimatum?

He is physically still with you but mentally checked out. This is beyond an emotional affair.
I cant believe you are even still with him. He talks 10 hours a day with her?? Jeez.
Let him goooo let him gooo

Sorry for the radio silence, I'm sorting out going back to Scotland.
He isn't willing to stop talking to her. He said if we fixed our relationship then he and her would talk a normal amount, so he doesnt see why he has to.
I told him no. We didnt have a good relationship and we're both responsible for that, but she is the poison in the wound now, and it couldn't ever get better with her in the picture. Even if nothing "naughty" has occured, the space she has taken and the priority and making him feel like neglecting his son is okay is unacceptable.

We're giving it a month, but I'm not going to move on this issue. She goes. I don't think he is ever gonna see my side, and honestly I've never felt so small.
Hopefully once I am away the pain will ease and I will be able to think more clearly, but right now I'm doing my best to put my son first.

I wonder if she's actually a real person. It could be the case that he's being catfished as part of a romance scam.

Never met in person, no video calls, met through an online game? she could easily be a scammer.

As he has a financial responsibility to your DC, I'd warn him of this possibility and make it clear that his DC comes first when it comes to his money and to not send anything to the US.

Good luck in Scotland, hope it all works out

Good for you. I hope the love, support and space you get in Scotland helps you. And makes it clear to your H that you’re serious. He needs to decide what’s important.

Definitely an emotional affair and he is
Disrespecting you. Do you have anywhere
You and the baby could do which is secure and stable? Are you financially independent ? You should start lining things up to prepare
To leave him but safely for you and the little
One

Why are you with him! It’s obvious that you should leave him I’m sorry!

@randomchap

I wonder if she's actually a real person. It could be the case that he's being catfished as part of a romance scam.

Never met in person, no video calls, met through an online game? she could easily be a scammer.

As he has a financial responsibility to your DC, I'd warn him of this possibility and make it clear that his DC comes first when it comes to his money and to not send anything to the US.

Good luck in Scotland, hope it all works out

My thoughts too. The fact that someone has 10 hours a day to chat to some random guy online who is in a relationship. Suggests to me that it might be someone who isn't quite normal. I know from watching Catfish that determined people will even get relatives to pose as them on the phone, so even if they've voice called it could be fake.

Good luck OP. You shouldn't have to settle for second place. You deserve better.

He is absolutely having an emotional affair and his mum is enabling his toxic behaviour. Leave and find someone who values you because he is laughing in your face and will truly damage your self worth. Don't allow your child to grow up thinking this kind of toxicity is the norm for their sake and your own.

Stay strong, take care of yourself and your ds. Then you'll be able to sort the rest.