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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants the same ring as me

195 replies

anon1387 · 21/08/2020 17:07

My friend is engaged and she likes my engagement ring (OH letting her pick her ring) and has asked if I mind if she gets the same one. I've said I kind of do mind as mine is really specific and personal for me and my husband (has a specific engraving on it). AIBU to ask her to get something else? There's literally so much to choose from!

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 21/08/2020 17:09

How much does someone else's engagement ring design actually impact on your life?

GreyishDays · 21/08/2020 17:10

What’s your ring like? If it’s a diamond solitaire then I don’t think you can mind at all.

Teacher12345 · 21/08/2020 17:11

Surely she means minus the engraving?

Quackersandcheese3 · 21/08/2020 17:11

I wouldn’t care at all.

Farlow · 21/08/2020 17:11

You are definitely being unreasonable

Dozer · 21/08/2020 17:12

YABU! No one else will even notice.

Original poster
anon1387 · 21/08/2020 17:12

@GreyishDays

What’s your ring like? If it’s a diamond solitaire then I don’t think you can mind at all.
No diamonds. 2 very specific stones (not the usual ones you find in a ring) with a specific engraving on it (she wants the engraving too).
OP posts:
Zilla1 · 21/08/2020 17:12

Sorry, OP, but unless you conceived and drew an original design and had someone smith it for you and hand engrave it with your own motif rather than it being an off the shelf design then YABU.

If she's a close friend and it will upset you then it might be an idea to mention it to her rather than seethe.

If you feel uncomfortable about the ring, it might be an idea not to mention possible names for any children to her.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 21/08/2020 17:12

Well obviously she's not going to have the same engraving. You're being a bit precious OP.

India999 · 21/08/2020 17:13

I think it depends how distinctive your ring is. If it's just a "standard" engagement ring then you are being unreasonable. If it's something wildly different and different, then yeah that is abit weird.

YesINameChangeEveryDay · 21/08/2020 17:13

She doesn't mean she'd get the engraving too surely? How unique is your ring? Unless it's really unusual then I'd say yabu

Sayitagainwhydontyou · 21/08/2020 17:13

What exactly is the issue here?

YesINameChangeEveryDay · 21/08/2020 17:13

Cross post. Your update does make it weird.

PinkyBrain · 21/08/2020 17:13

It depends on the design I suppose and whether you feel she has specifically copied or if it’s something that’s just really popular at the moment.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 21/08/2020 17:13

If she wants to literally copy your bespoke engraving YANBU

If it’s a diamond solitaire or one you can literally buy off the shelf in a high street jewellers YABU.

MsEllany · 21/08/2020 17:14

My initial feeling just from the title is ‘so what?’

My opinion hasn’t changed since reading your OP.

Sorry you’re being unreasonable. And I would seriously consider how you look at special and sentimental things now because otherwise you’re going to get very upset when you have kids and others have the same name, or the same favourite shoes or whatever.

PinkyBrain · 21/08/2020 17:14

Cross post! The same engraving? That is a bit much!

pussycatinboots · 21/08/2020 17:16

I suspect if she proceeds, she will soon become an ex-friend.

MsEllany · 21/08/2020 17:16

Unless the engraving is your initials or something like ‘love you bum head’ I.e. specific to you, I assume it’s a poem or similar? Quote from a book? Something like that I’d wonder if she had any imagination but I think it’s fine.

Petportraits · 21/08/2020 17:16

God, I wish all I had to worry about was someone copying me and buying the same diamond! Let her get what she wants, her buying same shouldn’t make you feel any differently about yours - maybe you’ll love it more.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 21/08/2020 17:16

well isn't she the creepy stalker type!

She has asked, so she must be expecting a negative response really...otherwise she would have just gone for it as it's the MOST normal thing in the world to do.

How much does she know...can you tell her the stones are something else or will she know for sure you are fibbing?

Iwouldlikesomecake · 21/08/2020 17:17

Cross post. Would the person who made the ring even make another one?

If it’s a mass produced ring I still think YABabitU but if it’s bespoke, a)she’s weird but b) I don’t know a reputable jeweller that would copy a bespoke ring for someone else!

Also depends on what the engraving is, if it is ‘Mary and Steve, always and forever’ then blah but if it is a really specific little known quote from your favourite graphic novel then basically your friend has no boundaries and is WEIRD.

I actually think maybe they have no boundaries anyway if they have suggested this

gamerchick · 21/08/2020 17:17

Who does that, worra knobend Hmm

I don't know what you can do about it though. Tell her you can't stop her, but people will think she's a reet weirdo. Is she secretly hankering after your dude or something?!

sunshinesupermum · 21/08/2020 17:18

I think your friend should choose a different ring OP or at the very least different stones and setting. If she wants an engraving too then all the more reason to choose a different ring from you. There are so many fab designs to choose from. Does she have no imagination? Does she copy what you wear too? Your ring sounds unique. Wonder how pps who are saying you are being precious would react if it was them in reality.

Petportraits · 21/08/2020 17:18

Changes diamond to precious stone as just read it is not diamonds