Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend wants the same ring as me

195 replies

anon1387 · 21/08/2020 17:07

My friend is engaged and she likes my engagement ring (OH letting her pick her ring) and has asked if I mind if she gets the same one. I've said I kind of do mind as mine is really specific and personal for me and my husband (has a specific engraving on it). AIBU to ask her to get something else? There's literally so much to choose from!

OP posts:
OhYeahYouSuck · 21/08/2020 20:40

@PatriciaPerch

she has told me she wants you fiance too
WTF?
OhYeahYouSuck · 21/08/2020 20:41

@Runmybathforme

How ridiculously petty. Can’t believe you find this important enough to post about. If you’re upset over this, the rest of your life will be a shit storm. It’s a ring, get over it.
Don't be such a dick.
1FootInTheRave · 21/08/2020 20:43

I would be annoyed.

PrivateD00r · 21/08/2020 20:56

OP, I have no idea why you are getting such a hard time here! I don't think yabu at all, your friend is being really weird here!

1Morewineplease · 21/08/2020 20:58

You’ve got a couple of choices here.
Tell her that you do mind but be prepared to lose her as a friend.
Don’t tell her. Say that your ring is bespoke and that you want it to remain an original.
However, if your ring was off the shelf, then your ring is not unique. Your engraving is quite possibly not unique.
You cannot stop your friend from getting the same ring. However, you’d be within your rights to not divulge your engraving but I suspect your friend already knows it.

uglyface · 21/08/2020 21:09

OP, this sounds very teenage. I’m sure you’re a mature and sensible human being who can put this into perspective.

HermioneKipper · 21/08/2020 21:16

Yep seriously weird. Why would anyone do this? No imagination. I’d be embarrassed to ask

Pinkyandthebrainz · 21/08/2020 21:19

Does it really matter?

LittleBearPad · 21/08/2020 21:21

The exact identical ring is weird. Doesn’t she have her own likes / dislikes etc

Porridgeoat · 21/08/2020 21:27

You’re being a bit silly. Sorry.

Angelina82 · 21/08/2020 21:28

I think it’s really strange that she wants the exact same ring, engraving and all, but it wouldn’t really impact on your life so I’m not sure it’s worth kicking up a fuss about. Does she copy you in other ways or is it just this one particular thing she wants to emulate?

Plmoknijb123 · 21/08/2020 21:32

I think it’s weird. An engagement ring is an important piece of sentimental jewellery. Who in their right mind would copy a friend’s ring? I would be annoyed. She should just get something different and unique that expresses her personality rather than copy yours.

monkeymonkey2010 · 21/08/2020 21:34

she's probably secretly fantasizing about your husband too....she certainly isn't interested in making this a special thing with her husband-to-be.....

ElvisPawsley · 21/08/2020 21:35

I don't think anyone else but ourselves even notice our rings. If you asked me what one of my friends engagement rings looked like or whether two of my friends had the same one, I would have no idea. No one is going to know it's the same as your ring other than you.

Does it really matter? I couldn't really get that worked up about it.

Onesipmore · 21/08/2020 22:44

It really does matter. To all those saying it doesn't, come on! Would you really choose a unique design (if that was your thing) and inscribe with a personal engraving (if that was your thing) and then expect someone to copy? Nobody would. Those passing it off as 'flattery' are talking bollocks. It's actually just weird.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 21/08/2020 22:46

Not true Elvis. I notice people's engagement rings.
No one goes to the trouble of designing a sentimental piece of jewellery, in order to have it copied by some unimaginative fuckwit. I'd rather lose the friend than have her copy my ring. It will affect the OP - it will annoy her every time she sees her friend wearing her ring!

LittleBearPad · 21/08/2020 22:46

It does matter. It’s an important piece of jewellery for the OP and should be for the friend.

AriesTheRam · 21/08/2020 22:52

Very weird.If she buys you a labrador puppy as a surprise gift too then be very afraid Grin

FuckwitMcGee · 21/08/2020 22:55

What does it matter, really? Confused

Catsup · 21/08/2020 23:07

How odd! I just have visions of her showing it off to friends and family, stating, 'yes, we designed to be an exact replica of Anon1387's!' 🤨

katy1213 · 21/08/2020 23:23

Does she know where it came from? If not, I'd refuse to tell her. Anyway, never mind 'kind of' object - tell her straight out that you do object and ask her why she hasn't got any ideas or imagination of her own. And then keep your ideas about your wedding dress to yourself.

Pintsizedblondie197 · 21/08/2020 23:25

I would mind and I think it's a bit odd she wants exactly the same one. Unfortunately, despite you telling her your feelings, there's not much you can do to stop it.

katy1213 · 21/08/2020 23:31

You could also tell her that the design is your copyright and that you would consider taking action for any breach. And be very disparaging about her wanting to celebrate her own engagement with secondhand sentiments lifted from someone else.

yelyah22 · 21/08/2020 23:35

It does sound really weird but then again, lots of engagement rings look pretty similar so I'd be inclined to take it as a compliment - how often are you ever going to be comparing rings? Unless the stones are something genuinely unusual, there are more and more engagement rings with less common gems like alexandrite or bentonite or tanzanite etc nowadays so I think you just have to chalk it up to the fact that people are branching out from the usual sapphire, emerald etc and the only way people learn these things exist is from seeing other people's rings with them! So, a bit annoying secretly, but not that bad.

Also, the engraving thing would be very weird if she has copied your nicknames for each other or something, but if it's a common phrase or music/pop culture reference (like, I don't know, "you're my person" or "to the stars" or "I love you 3000" or something) then I think YAB slightly U.

At the end of the day, your ring is special because it was given to you, as a symbol of your relationship, by your partner. What it looks like is not what makes it special, nice as it might be - people have some fuck ugly rings, and millions of people have almost identical solitaires, but they're still special to them. Jewellers, even fancy ones, sell tons of the same style of ring every year.

Yours is still just as special and important because of what it symbolises, not whether or not someone has the same one.

yelyah22 · 21/08/2020 23:39

Also, think about how important this friendship is to you - I can't imagine threatening legal action to a friend over the design of a ring like the poster above me said, but maybe I'm a soft touch!