Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants the same ring as me

195 replies

anon1387 · 21/08/2020 17:07

My friend is engaged and she likes my engagement ring (OH letting her pick her ring) and has asked if I mind if she gets the same one. I've said I kind of do mind as mine is really specific and personal for me and my husband (has a specific engraving on it). AIBU to ask her to get something else? There's literally so much to choose from!

OP posts:
NC4Now · 21/08/2020 17:43

Can we see the ring?

I’d be inclined to offer to help her come up with a design that is unique to them - it would have so much more meaning

1forAll74 · 21/08/2020 17:44

It doesn't really matter in my view. It just means that your friend is a copier, and hasn't got the grown up mindset to be an individual person.

Viviennemary · 21/08/2020 17:45

I think it's a bit cheeky to have an exact copy of a friends ring. Similar style yes. Exact copy no.

SignOnTheWindow · 21/08/2020 17:47

@anon1387

The engraving is something specific me and my husband have always said to each other and it is a bespoke ring, the stones are two of my favourites (again not the usual diamond, ruby, sapphire etcetc).
Then, no, I don't think YABU - that sounds pretty weird to want a copy of something that's obviously so personal to you and your husband. I think you need to explain that it feels too personal to feel comfortable with her copying it. Perhaps you could help her come up with a design that's in the same spirit, but different stones, engraving etc?
ClaraJude · 21/08/2020 17:48

YANBU. It would be one thing if it was a mass produced ring, but to copy something so personal is just weird.

I would tell her you really aren’t happy with it - and I would also speak to the jeweller and let them know you wouldn’t be happy either. I expect they would hesitate to replicate a bespoke ring anyway!

GoldenPlover · 21/08/2020 17:48

It is kind of weird tbh if it's two really unusual stones.

In terms of the engraving, if it's something like "ever thine, ever mine, ever ours" then YABU. If its something like your pet names for each other then YANBU.

WendyHoused · 21/08/2020 17:49

My initial response what that you are being precious and ridiculous. However, if it's a ring you had commissioned or designed, it's pretty weird of her to want to take your creation and appropriate it.

HorsePellets · 21/08/2020 17:49

YANBU and she’s being odd and creepy. I can’t believe she even asked.

candycane222 · 21/08/2020 17:51

"What a shame, you wouldn't have something that's personal to you and your fiance! Surely you'd prefer something that reminds you of him, not me (laughs)!"

candycane222 · 21/08/2020 17:52

"You don't want people to think you would prefer to be married to me do you?? (laughs some more)"

OscarWildesCat · 21/08/2020 17:52

Definitely not BU as it’s sounds like a very personal ring, is she completely devoid of her own imagination or ideas?. I’d be pissed off too.

DefinatelyAWeeGobshite · 21/08/2020 17:54

YANBU, how odd!

LovingLola · 21/08/2020 17:54

That’s downright weird and yanbu.

billy1966 · 21/08/2020 17:55

I think your friend is a twit.

If it's a bespoke ring, of course you aren't going to want to see a replica on her finger.

I think it is really irritating of her to ask and put you in a position where you are asking yourself AIBU.

Of course you're not!

It's not about being precious...as in if it was a solitaire etc.....in which case she wouldn't have to ask as it wouldn't be any of your business.

I think you should say yes you think it is inappropriate and you rather she hadn't put you in this position by asking.🙄

FizzyGreenWater · 21/08/2020 17:57

Mention it to her fiance.

Like he's going to want to have to propose to her with a ring designed for you and your DP...

PoppySeedSaid · 21/08/2020 17:58

Tell her to get her own engagement ring. She can't seriously expect you to believe that the only ring she likes is the EXACT same one as you have!

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 21/08/2020 17:58

Of course now we all want to see your ring. Grin

Perhaps offer to help her design her own, similar but with different stones and a different engraving?

ErinBrockovich · 21/08/2020 18:00

Make sure you don’t tell her your favourite baby names...

ErinBrockovich · 21/08/2020 18:00

And yeah, it’s weird.

HerRoyalNotness · 21/08/2020 18:02

Yes it’s bloody weird of her!

Imworthit · 21/08/2020 18:03

I wouldn't care. The whole she copied thing seems very primary school. I'd just be flattered. However I have friends who would be devistated.

That said I could never look at my exs ring the same after finding out it was actually from his mother. Still makes me furious when I think of it. So, I understand.

She clearly likes your style. So if it would affect how you view your ring. Why not explain that and help her design something personal and special to her and her husband?

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/08/2020 18:04

"No diamonds. 2 very specific stones (not the usual ones you find in a ring) with a specific engraving on it (she wants the engraving too)."

"The engraving is something specific me and my husband have always said to each other and it is a bespoke ring, the stones are two of my favourites (again not the usual diamond, ruby, sapphire etcetc)."

Your ring sounds lovely, a really personal item with meaning to you and your husband. A symbol of your relationship.

"My friend ... has asked if I mind if she gets the same one."

Easy question.
Yes friend, I do mind. I mind very much. This ring is very personal to me, and you wanting to rip it off copy it feels like someone muscling in to my relationship. Maybe see if you can buy some imagination alongside your ring. _

Diva66 · 21/08/2020 18:04

She’s being weird. She should choose something else.

PussGirl · 21/08/2020 18:04

I think she's being weird and totally unreasonable. I'd hate this.

MinnieJackson · 21/08/2020 18:05

You're not being unreasonable Confused what would she say if someone asked what the engraving means to her? Help her find something else