Friend wants the same ring as me

[anon1387]

My friend is engaged and she likes my engagement ring (OH letting her pick her ring) and has asked if I mind if she gets the same one. I've said I kind of do mind as mine is really specific and personal for me and my husband (has a specific engraving on it). AIBU to ask her to get something else? There's literally so much to choose from!

Just say how you feel. Ask her why something so personal to you is so important to her; does she fancy your dh?

I suppose you can't stop her crying the stones but she can't have the engraving unless you let her take a photograph of it to the jeweller.

Refuse

*copying, not crying

I couldn’t get upset about this ... if you want a unique ring get one bespoke, if it’s off the shelf engraved or not anyone can and will buy it .. that’s the point , I don’t wear mine anymore as it doesn’t fit with my wedding ring on ..

I’m a bit stuck on the idea of her fiancé “letting” her choose

I think it’s really odd. The stones, maybe. The engraving - just know. Unless it’s “love you to the moon and back” and you thought that was only you

Or if the engraving is the currently popular ee Cummings 'l carry your heart in me (I carry it in my heart)'

Just read it’s bespoke I have a bespoke wedding ring I’d be a bit 😏 if someone wanted an exact copy .. just say no it’s weird .. help her design a different one if you have similar taste x

Need to know where the ring was bought and what the saying is. If you got it out of say Beaverbrooks and the engraving is something like the above mentioned 'love you to the moon and back' then YABU.

Oh just RTFT yeah she's weird.

That is weird. I wouldn’t be impressed.

Say you were thinking of offering to sell her your ring. Because it's a bit dated and you've seen something else you prefer online. And she can get the engraving changed to 'Dave Forever' quite easy.

People saying it doesnt matter it does. People pay good fucking money for bespoke individual designs. Hence why they are bespoke or individual or one of a kind. Not for some nutter to try and steal it. Also things are sentimental and meaningful to some people, just because you are vapid and uninspired and dont see things that way doesnt mean op os wrong for wanting something personal to her to stay that way.

Also she can easily steal the design by doing a sketch of it and saying what stones and words she wants and taking it to a jewellery designer who wont know that same ring already exists out there.

Op just tell her you are not happy about it and tell her to Design her own.

YANBU! Can’t they come up with their own style?!

Ok I take it back, rtft and she's weird. YANBU at all!

Maybe it says ‘It’s bin day tomorrow’ and has an onyx and emerald to signify the general waste and recycling...

Just trying to think of things i always say to DH

Would she be able to sketch it or describe it in detail for a jeweler? If not then she may be able to come up with similar, but it won't be identical. I certainly wouldn't let her take pictures of it to use.

I agree though with contacting the designer and telling/requesting that they not copy your unique design for anyone else.

I don't think asking to copy a bespoke item is off limits. But I do think if the person it was made for says no, especially something as personal and significant as an engagement or wedding ring, that should be respected.

"Well friend, if your relationship is so shallow that you can't think of anything personal enough to create your own ring with and have to copy mine...."

@Pogmella

How ridiculously petty. Can’t believe you find this important enough to post about. If you’re upset over this, the rest of your life will be a shit storm. It’s a ring, get over it.

runmybathforme, I think most people would be pissed off about this as the thread proves, no need to be a dick

That's weird. Ask her why she wouldn't want something unique to her and her dp, rather than copying yours right down to the ingraving. I'd be irritated too. It's weird and stalkerish.

YABVU. It's a ring. I'd be touched she liked mine enough to want the same. Don't let something so trivial ruin your friendship.

I have a bespoke ring, also with a less common stone (tsavorite garnet). I would find it odd if someone I was good friends with copied it.

Wanting the same wording for the engraving is odd. If she had the same stones as you (let's say padparadascha sapphire and demantoid garnet) in a very different design and without the same engraving it would be different.

Even the same design and engraving with different stones (let's say pink tourmaline and peridot) would be weird.

Copying the whole caboodle just makes her look very unimaginative. At least she's the one who will look odd whereas you'll clearly be the one with excellent taste!

If it’s a fully bespoke piece and she wants to go to the same jeweller, contact the maker and express your wishes for the design to not be copied. Most good independent artists would probably not want to copy a previous bespoke piece anyway and will be good at subtly influencing her to choose differently. The ring could still be similar but with key differences.