Friend wants the same ring as me

[anon1387]

My friend is engaged and she likes my engagement ring (OH letting her pick her ring) and has asked if I mind if she gets the same one. I've said I kind of do mind as mine is really specific and personal for me and my husband (has a specific engraving on it). AIBU to ask her to get something else? There's literally so much to choose from!

Maybe she just doesn't trust her own taste? You could be a 'helpful friend', and support her looking at a bazillion other rings, stones, designs (that aren't your specific ring) to find something very 'her'...

Lots of people are saying contact the maker of the ring and ask them not to create a replica - would that actually work? Surely they just make the designs they're asked for? You can't veto a request for their business, surely? Having said that, unless she has photos of your ring it might be difficult to make it look exactly the same. It's so weird she wants the same inscription though!

In most cases it would be ok to have same style ring but in this case YANBU.
Not sure why anyone would want to do that with something so unusual and bespoke. Surely the point of bespoke one like that is for it to be one of a kind, not copy your friends design. I would not be able to enjoy a ring I had copied off from my friend...

My engagement ring is bespoke created with a lot of meaning to both of us. If yours is bespoke by a reputable bespoke jeweller they would not make the same ring as they should guarantee that, but they retain the copyright to the design unless you paid megabucks to own the design.
My ring is similar to some others, but the stone, it's shape and colour are unique and the positioning and shaping of the settings in the shoulders is different to others.
So she should not be able to get the same from the jeweller, but maybe able to get similar.

It’s rather odd, I’d encourage her to find her own style!

@WhereYouLeftIt

"No diamonds. 2 very specific stones (not the usual ones you find in a ring) with a specific engraving on it (she wants the engraving too)."

"The engraving is something specific me and my husband have always said to each other and it is a bespoke ring, the stones are two of my favourites (again not the usual diamond, ruby, sapphire etcetc)."

Your ring sounds lovely, a really personal item with meaning to you and your husband. A symbol of your relationship.

"My friend ... has asked if I mind if she gets the same one."

Easy question.
Yes friend, I do mind. I mind very much. This ring is very personal to me, and you wanting to rip it off copy it feels like someone muscling in to my relationship. Maybe see if you can buy some imagination alongside your ring. _

This ^^

YANBU
It is a bespoke ring and something personal that she wants to rip off. Obviously to show off to her other friends, because you'll be eye rolling and putting some distance between her and you.

I would say what this PP suggested to her and her fiancé, and that you are glad you love your personally designed bespoke ring, but it is weird to try to rip off and not something a friend who wanted to stay a friend does.

*you are glad she loves your personally designed ring... I meant

Yanbu. Very intrigued what the engraving is but guessing you cant say!
It's not exactly like buying the same coat. I think in this case it's ok for you to say how you really feel about this.

After reading your updates YANBU. What a strange person. I’ve had people copy me in various weird ways before, but that is super personal! Surely she has her own taste and special moments with her future DH she could incorporate into her own unique ring...?

And I say this as someone who isn’t into rings (I have a plain band) and don’t understand all the fuss about weddings. I’d be perplexed too, OP!

YANBU. If she wanted some help picking an unusual design, or some advice about commissioning a bespoke ring, fair enough.

Just outright copying yours is a bit too weird though and I definitely wouldn't like it. Logically it makes absolutely no difference to you if she's wearing the same ring, but it would still irk me and I would have replied saying so.

I'm assuming the jeweller in question would refuse to replicate a previous commission though, and unless she has photos of your ring, hopefully her own commission might turn out a bit different. I might be taking any detailed photos I had of it off social media for a while though!

These are questions that spring to mind -

1 - has she ever copied anything of yours before? Clothes, jobs, boyfriends...?

2 - Would you say that your ring was an acquired taste? If it’s mind-boggling beautiful, and it’s ridiculous that all rings aren’t now made this way, then that would be different. But if it’s a bit odd (not that this is a bad thing by the way), that would be yet another thing.

3 - How long have you known her? Has she a relatively normal history with boyfriends/friends? Would it be crazy to think she might be slightly obsessed with you, or maybe your boyfriend? Do you share friends, or are you and she not in a group?

If you don’t hang around in a group, you’ve known her since childhood, the ring is spectacular in its perfection, and she’s never really shown any weird interest in either you or DF, then I’d perhaps let it go.

I’d be most likely to say “I really don’t want you to, because it seems weird, but I can’t stop you”.

But in my head I’d be shouting “WHY WHY WHY??????”. Actually, ask her that.

I choose a ring - and I think it made such an impression on my friendship group that my best friend’s husband bought her the same style...and years later so did my sister’s husband! My sister actually wanted a solitaire so she was a bit upset she got my ring!
At first it was weird to be honest - I had major roles at both their weddings that’s how close we are - but really no ring is exactly alike as diamonds are different sizes / bands are different sizes etc. As time goes on - the whole engagement ring thing becomes irrelevant.

I'd think she was being creepy and weird.

This is a total non issue. Don't worry about it and just relax. It really doesn't matter if she has the same ring as you, or if everyone has the same ring as you.

Gotta love it when people don't read all the OP's posts. No excuse now either, as you can select to read them all without anything in between!

It is very odd that she wants not only your ring design, but your 2 favourite unconventional stones AND your personal-between-you-and-your-fiancé engraving on it as well. VERY odd.
It does slightly suggest that she's trying to BE you - and yes, that could include wishing she had your fiancé too, but might not - but it's far TOO copycat to be reasonable.

She might think it's a nice idea to be so matchy matchy but it's not, it's creepy!

My engagement and wedding ring set is specifically designed by me with personal engraving on it.

It would be utterly weird if someone tried to replicate it. The engraving for one would have no meaning to them as it does DP & I! The metal and stone are also a very personal choice and not your usual bridal set you’d find in high st.

I’d say no way, and speak to the jeweller and ask them not to produce a replica especially not the engraving. Altho I don’t think the jeweller who we commissioned ours from would even agree in the first place. He’d probably offer to help create a bespoke set for them however.

How utterly weird!

But surely you just go to any jeweller and say “I want a rose gold ring, with an aquamarine here..and a peridot there...and “always snuggle bums” on the inside” it doesn’t need to be the same jeweller?

You need to either get her to do something else, or make your peace with it. No pointing hoping the jeweller will say no.

Interesting that Single White Female was on tv the night before this little tale popped up.

Pathetic