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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend wants the same ring as me

195 replies

anon1387 · 21/08/2020 17:07

My friend is engaged and she likes my engagement ring (OH letting her pick her ring) and has asked if I mind if she gets the same one. I've said I kind of do mind as mine is really specific and personal for me and my husband (has a specific engraving on it). AIBU to ask her to get something else? There's literally so much to choose from!

OP posts:

DonLewis · 21/08/2020 18:06

Jeez. All sounds a bit single white female.

krustykittens · 21/08/2020 18:07

She wants the exact same engraving, which is something personal between your husband and yourself?! That is really weird! I doubt anyone would do it for her anyway but tell her you DO mind and she needs to get a bit of imagination. You get something bespoke made because you want something that is unique and special to you, she is taking away from that.

Freddie28 · 21/08/2020 18:07

I wouldn’t be at all happy if a friend wanted the same rings as me. I took a long time to find it and people always comment on it. Why would I want someone close to me to have the same thing. Rings are meant to be special and personal for engagements.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/08/2020 18:08

@DonLewis

Jeez. All sounds a bit single white female.

that had sprung to mind!

Onesipmore · 21/08/2020 18:09

You are not being unreasonable. She at the very least needs to think of her own engraving, in terms of something pertinent to her and her dh. I think on something like this, I probably would say I wasn't too happy about it. It isn't like copying a kitchen design or a new dress, this is something precious to you and your dh x

VeryQuaintIrene · 21/08/2020 18:09

I think it's mildly odd of her, and suggests a slight lack of imagination, but it would have zero impact on my life if someone copied my ring, inscription, whatever. It would take nothing from me at all.

sallyshirt · 21/08/2020 18:12

I think is weird personally and wouldn't like, just as I wouldn't like it if a friend got the same haircut as me or wore the same outfits on purpose.

NavyBerry · 21/08/2020 18:13

Oh dear I would find it really awkward and annoying. Who does that sort of thing?

purplecorkheart · 21/08/2020 18:17

The jeweller/designer many not agree to make the same ring for someone else. I would ring them and explain and tell them you would prefer that your design is not used.

Aworldofmyown · 21/08/2020 18:18

Very odd.

JammyHands · 21/08/2020 18:20

Good heavens. How hard is it for her to come up with a different engraving and choose different stones?

Wolfiefan · 21/08/2020 18:21

So with all the choices in the whole world she can’t find anything else that would suit her better??
Or maybe she’s jealous of you?
Would like your husband for herself?
She’s bonkers. That’s for sure!

mable88 · 21/08/2020 18:22

I think that is a bit odd to want to copy it so precisely, right down to the engraving. Especially as yours is an unusual and personal design. Surely she could use her imagination and design something for herself? Even if it was just a bit like yours but with her own twist?

My friend and I ended up with matching engagement rings - she was engaged first, well over a year later I got engaged and was allowed to pick out my own ring and I chose the one I liked most at the shop. If you had paid me, I couldn't have told you what her engagement ring was like and I just happened to choose the same one (it's a fairly common, halo style diamond setting). She actually thought it was lovely that we ended up with the same rings and we even had a photo taken of them at my wedding (we matched completely as we ended up with the same wedding bands as well - again, not a surprise as we both had plain, slim white gold bands that aren't particularly unusual).

pinkgin85 · 21/08/2020 18:24

Do you have any mutual friends? If so she's gonna look like a weirdo getting the exact same bespoke ring as you!

Happyheartlovelife · 21/08/2020 18:24

I'd be honoured

But then I never ever feel jealous. It's just not an emotion my body does. Weirdly

DopamineHits · 21/08/2020 18:29

She can't have much of an imagination, some people are just like that.

BlueJava · 21/08/2020 18:30

I'd not try to copy someone else's engagement ring myself as it's a bit strange - but I think you are being way too precious. It literally won't affect you!

tenlittlecygnets · 21/08/2020 18:32

I'd contact the jeweller who mades your ring for you and ask him not to make a ring like yours for anyone else.

Very odd of your 'friend'. Has she no imagination? No personal in-jokes with her bf that she could use for a quote on a ring??

And can we see your ring? We need a pic!

thepeopleversuswork · 21/08/2020 18:33

I can’t for the life of me see why people care about things like this. YABU.

SirVixofVixHall · 21/08/2020 18:34

I would hate this, and think it is really thoughtless and cheeky. I had my wedding ring made to my design, with something meaningful to me, and I would be really annoyed if a friend wanted the same.
I would say no. Say it is very personal to you, and ask her why she doesn’t want something of her own ?

WhatamessIgotinto · 21/08/2020 18:35

@Happyheartlovelife

I'd be honoured

But then I never ever feel jealous. It's just not an emotion my body does. Weirdly

Honoured? Really? Why would you be anything at all?

OP. it's really up to her if she chooses to copy your ring I suppose. It's not something I would do but I'm not sure what you can do about it. Is it worth losing a friend over? Probably not.

caringcarer · 21/08/2020 18:35

DH and I chose a setting at Birmingham jewelry quarter and then ordered a diamond stone to be bought for my ring. Strangely we have made friends with s couple who chose the same ring design and same diamond stone just different size stones. We would have got engaged in same year. It doesn't bother me at all.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 21/08/2020 18:38

Can she not go to the designer and get something specificly made for her so a similar style.but individual to her?

ScrapThatThen · 21/08/2020 18:38

Just say as it's bespoke could she draw on it for inspiration but choose different elements to make it hers.

DotBall · 21/08/2020 18:39

I'd be honoured

Me too. I’d be flattered to be honest and not weirded out at all.

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