Paying to eat at friends house?

[Itswindytoday]

Is it weird to charge friends to come over to your house??

Basically, I have 4 good friends who I’ve known for years. I now live a couple of hours away, they all still live close together, and I visit maybe 3-4 times a year for a catch up. Normally we go out to eat or go to the pub. Last year I mentioned I was coming back one weekend and suggested going out for a meal. One friend said why didn’t we come to hers instead for a change - lovely. A couple of days beforehand she then made mention of us splitting the cost of food she was buying which I was quite taken aback by but which we did. Due to lockdown I last visited in February and we all went out for a meal then. I am due to visit again in a couple of weeks. A different friend suggested going to hers, and that we could split the cost again. Is it just me or is that really weird? I wouldn’t even consider offering to host and then charging people for food. My friends obviously do meet up regularly when I’m not here, often for dinner at each other’s houses, and I can’t imagine there’s money changing hands every time. Am I the factor? Is it because I don’t live there and can’t reciprocate? But then we are literally talking once or twice a year, it’s not like I come back every other weekend expecting to be hosted for free.... and obviously bringing alcohol goes without saying. I also offer to pick up any extra food they need which seems preferable to me to actually handing cash over.

Or is this a thing now? I Love hosting and it just wouldn’t even cross my mind to split the cost with people even if they weren’t able to host me in return. I do invite my friends to come and stay with me but it’s not a very interesting place and I think they can’t really be bothered, which is fine, I am happy travelling to them and it’s nice to see everyone together.

AIBU to think it’s a little weird to get people to split the cost of this or is it fair enough seeing as I’m not able to host them in return? (Not forgetting it wouldn’t even be once a year per friend and usually we go out anyway!)

Oh and while I don’t know the ins and outs of people’s financial situations obviously, to the best my knowledge we are all comfortable.

Agree that is very odd! Once one of DH's relatives insisted we came over for dinner. We travelled miles to get there, but when we got their our hosts couldn't be bothered to cook so bought a takeaway instead. They then asked us to pay for it! I thought that was quite tight, but actually cooking and then asking for money is way weirder!

Really really weird. Apart from Christmas dinner, if you can't afford to host, don't invite people over.

It's wierd tbh.. Why don't you suggest everyone bringing a dish.... Think the Americans call it "pot luck"
I'd never charge for having people over. Maybe suggest bring a bottle but never splitting food cost.
Before covid I hosted family bbqs because I had the space, we divvied up supplies... One sibling bought meat, one sides, one drinks, one burger buns etc.. I bought charcoal, napkins paper plates etc.. The one sibling who had less cash we gave the lowest cost to.. My brother who had better finances and access to wholesale meat took that. Worked out really fare. No resentment etc... Unusual for a family 😂😂

@itswindytoday glad to hear it

Tight as fuck and embarrassing.

Tbh if you were always the one traveling 2hrs there and 2hrs back to see me, I'd be pretty embarrassed not feeding you for free when you arrived. There is a time and a cost associated with that kind of travel and if I couldn't be bothered to do it to see you (which means you can't reciprocate, not that you won't) then the least I could do is treat you to a bloody meal!

The only time I've ever heard of anyone charging guests for food is when the cash is going to be donated to a worthy cause.

It's outrageous to charge your friends! Far better in some ways to go to a restaurant (when they are all open again).

@FedUpWithItAllWeep I would love it if they would come up to me! It’s definitely not that I don’t want to host.

I usually stay with my cousin when I come to visit as she also lives nearby, but on occasion I’ve done there and back in a day.

Well I wouldn’t but DD and her friends all do, but they were all students At uni together And all housemates after uni and all work at the same NHS trust so I guess five years of habits don’t just stop. They usually all shop together for the ingredients and drinks too. I think it’s quite cute actually, maybe she’s strapped for cash or still has friends from Her uni Or house share days and they still split. 🤷‍♀️

Or maybe she’s tight.

I have a couple of close friends that we stay with (or they visit us) as a family for a few days at a time for eg Easter, bank holidays and so on. We always share the food costs, especially if we are having a special meal. If we were eating out we'd all pay our bit so it's fine to do it this way. The hosting family always end up paying more in the end.

Other friends I know take it turn to provide & cook the main meal when they stay with each other for longer than a night.

I wouldn't do it for a single meal.

Cringeathon. Pay, never go back.

Suggest a takeaway and split the cost x

I personally wouldn't but I don't think it's THAT weird. If you usually go out for a meal and split it then there isn't that much difference IMO.

So weird. I would be very tempted to invite them up to yours, cook a lovely meal and when they brought up the “right what do we owe you” chat etc to say “are you kidding me...you’re guests in my home of course I don’t expect you to pay anything” and watch them squirm

@craggymaggie

We were invited to someone's 60th birthday party (at their house, pre-Covid) and were advised it would be 14.50 a head and to bring a bottle. The invitation also included a gift list for the birthday girl.

Please tell me you declined (along with plenty of others I hope!) If not they must've have made a huge profit!!!

I have a friend who occasionally does this and offers to host but then asks for money as a donation, I do find it a little odd but he tends to be in and out of work so sometimes is struggling financially. He only asks for a few quid usually and only when he’s making something fancy (he loves to cook and his meals are usually banquet style when hosting!). He is open honest about what he’s paid for and how much we need to pay and pays a share himself (Eg: “ingredients cost me £16 so that’s £4 each between the four of us.”) He doesn’t charge extra to make a profit

Asking for a £10 contribution from everybody when there are 5 people seems excessive especially if alcohol isn’t included - what kind of home cooked meal is she making that costs her £50 in ingredients?

To be honest in that situation I’d probably suggest take away as if you’re going to be paying that much you may as well be getting a treat, unless her home-cooking really doesn’t rival a restaurant.

I think this can be ok but it depends on the group. My kids are in their 20’s and it’s normal for some of their friends to do this. Some do it well but many do it badly. The ones that do it badly do things like not tell anyone they are charging until after the event or buying really expensive alcohol and drinking most of it before anyone turns up, etc etc, It can work out ok though. My kids don’t do it themselves as they prefer to do cheap but free hosting.

I wouldn’t mind paying if it was one of my groups of friends. Hosting can be expensive and I’d be happy to pay my way. We usually do potluck meals though.

YaNBU - if you host, you host.

If she wants to split costs it would be less "meh" to ask everyone to contribute to the meal - one brings, starter, one dessert, another wine and the host provides the man -something like that.

I think it's a bit rude myself.

@Queenofeverything44

It's wierd tbh.. Why don't you suggest everyone bringing a dish.... Think the Americans call it "pot luck" I'd never charge for having people over. Maybe suggest bring a bottle but never splitting food cost. Before covid I hosted family bbqs because I had the space, we divvied up supplies... One sibling bought meat, one sides, one drinks, one burger buns etc.. I bought charcoal, napkins paper plates etc.. The one sibling who had less cash we gave the lowest cost to.. My brother who had better finances and access to wholesale meat took that. Worked out really fare. No resentment etc... Unusual for a family 😂😂

Sorry - hadn't seen this when I posted.

I think it's much less offensive.

Charged for a meal? No never. Have had to for weekend/longer stays, same with mates at times.

When there was a few of us getting together we'd all take a dish and a drink, or all contribute money depending on circumstances at the time.

I have friends for dinner sometimes that I know aren't able to reciprocate. I don't care if they show up empty handed, it's their company I enjoy

We quite often have a supper where each couple brings a course. That’s fun and nothing about saving money it just makes it really easy.

Why not suggest that going forward?

(By the way they are expected to actually serve the course, not just bring a ready made pudding and shove it at the hostess on arrival.)

Blimey parsimonious alert

*Host provides main - not man

Unless, of course, that's what you're after . . .

This is bizarre. I would never, ever, ask people to my home for a meal I'm cooking and then charge them for it. If you can't afford it then don't invite them, we're talking about 5 people in the OP's case, not 50.

Alcohol is a different matter of course, I'll always arrive at a party or dinner with enough for myself to drink and a gift for the hosts, and for a birthday party recently we all chipped in a bit for spirits as we had a cocktail bar set up, no problem with that, but I'd have been affronted to have been asked to contribute to the host's choice of meal