Paying to eat at friends house?

[Itswindytoday]

Is it weird to charge friends to come over to your house??

Basically, I have 4 good friends who I’ve known for years. I now live a couple of hours away, they all still live close together, and I visit maybe 3-4 times a year for a catch up. Normally we go out to eat or go to the pub. Last year I mentioned I was coming back one weekend and suggested going out for a meal. One friend said why didn’t we come to hers instead for a change - lovely. A couple of days beforehand she then made mention of us splitting the cost of food she was buying which I was quite taken aback by but which we did. Due to lockdown I last visited in February and we all went out for a meal then. I am due to visit again in a couple of weeks. A different friend suggested going to hers, and that we could split the cost again. Is it just me or is that really weird? I wouldn’t even consider offering to host and then charging people for food. My friends obviously do meet up regularly when I’m not here, often for dinner at each other’s houses, and I can’t imagine there’s money changing hands every time. Am I the factor? Is it because I don’t live there and can’t reciprocate? But then we are literally talking once or twice a year, it’s not like I come back every other weekend expecting to be hosted for free.... and obviously bringing alcohol goes without saying. I also offer to pick up any extra food they need which seems preferable to me to actually handing cash over.

Or is this a thing now? I Love hosting and it just wouldn’t even cross my mind to split the cost with people even if they weren’t able to host me in return. I do invite my friends to come and stay with me but it’s not a very interesting place and I think they can’t really be bothered, which is fine, I am happy travelling to them and it’s nice to see everyone together.

AIBU to think it’s a little weird to get people to split the cost of this or is it fair enough seeing as I’m not able to host them in return? (Not forgetting it wouldn’t even be once a year per friend and usually we go out anyway!)

Oh and while I don’t know the ins and outs of people’s financial situations obviously, to the best my knowledge we are all comfortable.

How much money are we talking OP? Is the food very good? Lovely wine? Does it work out much cheaper and nicer than going to a restaurant (because if it doesn't then they're definitely being CFs!)?

It's not something my friendship group do but we do sometimes each bring something which is essentially the same. I don't see a problem tbh.

No no and no again. Weird and rude. Bring a contribution by all means but never pay

We do it! Only with my uni friends, there’s a group of 7 of us that are as spread out as possible and there are only 3 of us that can host because of house sizes/still living with parents. So we all chip in for food etc when we get there. We will decide what we want to eat and then divide out an online shop cost so that all booze is included too, it saves us all buying booze to take as some of the girls get a couple of trains so it makes it easier.

If we could all host then we probably wouldn’t! It started when one was made redundant and we decided all to go to her but then didn’t want her spending a fortune that she didn’t have and then it just carried on. It’s better in terms of booze though because we can share a bottle of gin between us and get a few bottles of wine without it being expensive for one.

If it was all pre-agreed that the host was going to buy lobster for starters and wagyu beef for mains for everyone then ok, but otherwise, no way!

I can see why you think its strange. But on the other hand arrangements for eating in instead of out is fine if you take turns to host but if some people cant take a turn (even through no fault of their own) I think the idea of chipping in for the cost is fair. But of course it's very cheeky if you've hosted for them free.

No way I'd be charging people! I am always amazed when I hear of people charging their family for Xmas dinner tbh. It seems very strange that suddenly there is a charge - maybe go back to eating out instead?!

You're still taking advantage of their hospitality, because you never retribute, not even in drinks.

@UsainDolt I don’t know how much it will be this time but when my other friend did it last time it was £10 each and the food was picky bits not a proper meal. We always bring our own alcohol. So I’m anticipating £10 again this time.

It is nice to meet at someone’s house, and it is certainly cheaper. But my preference would definitely be to contribute food rather than cash! But then when I’m hosting I will provide all the food and wouldn’t give it a second thought.

It's weird, but I like it! You can buy slightly better stuff if you all put in and it shows appreciation for them cooking for you. As long as its the same for everyone I think it's nice.

We were talking about this the other day because I remembered a friend used to charge per head for meals. Hilarious but hideous at the same time, it's not normal and pretty rude actually

I agree, that’s really weird. It’s one thing if you’re hosting something massive like Christmas where the costs can be huge but for a regular dinner it’s odd. If you’re paying you should at least get to go to a restaurant and choose what you want to eat!

Weird, you pay for food you have no choice over. Do you get to choose the menu

How much a head are we taking because it must just be a few pounds each. Which is tight.

@itswindytoday that's just strange then! The only thing I could possibly think of (and inspired by a Friends episode I saw recently) is that last time you all ate out, did you order really expensive steak and lobster and champagne, and they all only had soup and water, but then you insisted the bill be split equally?

@Lweji genuine question - how am I taking advantage? I don’t invite myself over. I suggest meeting up and going out for a meal. On occasion one of them invites us to their house instead. I bring alcohol and offer food. This is no more than once or twice a year. Is that really taking advantage?? We are long time friends of 20 years.

We were invited to someone's 60th birthday party (at their house, pre-Covid) and were advised it would be 14.50 a head and to bring a bottle. The invitation also included a gift list for the birthday girl.

@UsainDolt no I definitely did not do that!

I would never charge anyone to come over for dinner and I certainly wouldn't go back if charged

I had a friend once suggest this which as a rule I wouldn't have minded as I get wanting to organise something but not having loads of money....but this friend had until recently been crashing at my house for up to 2 weeks at a time for free while he did a part time masters degree in my city. During this time I paid for 90% of the food and did the cooking so I thought he was a right CF to ask and didnt go.

When I was young and we were all broke (1970s) we might all take something along to help with the meal but not exchange money.

Weird!!

I have a friend who does this. She had a reputation as a student as being really tight but we just thought it was because of student life - but it never changed! We are in our 30’s now. Her and her husband both have well paid jobs, lovely house so no money issues as far as I know (obviously I could be wrong)
Not long ago she asked us all round for a fondue night. We all said yes and she then followed up with a message as to how much it would be with her bank details to send the money!
If I’m inviting people over, I’m covering it. The most I’d ever do is say bring a bottle, but even then I feel cheeky!

I think this is acceptable if you agree before hand to split the cost of an evening. This happened to me when a friend unexpectedly asked if he could bring his GF and his friends round one evening. When I made the point that I was not expecting guests and that I budgeted for one he suggested I "get some cheese for desert and we will bring food and wine."

YANBU really weird