DH's uncle wants to move into our new house with his wife and 2 kids,... We've not even got the keys yet!!

[UmmMaryam2019]

DHs uncle is a proprietor, currently renovating a large house in his home town. Husband and I found a lovely house also in the same town and with his uncle's help(financially too) we will soon be completing purchase. It's located 5 mins away from an exceptionally excellent independent primary school.

Yesterday DHs uncle requested to move into our soon to be new house if his house renovation is not completed in time for his 5yo son to start school in September.
His uncle had paid for his son to start this private school last year also. However their new house wasn't ready then either and the parents couldn't get their son awake and ready in time for the 35min journey from their current house to this school. His uncle's wife refuses to take her son to his current preschool which is 2 doors away from their current house. So his uncle does the school run during work hours.
DH works for his uncle in the town his uncle currently lives in. Last year they lost the money he paid for the school, it seems they are in the same situation again this year. However they want our new house before we have even got the keys and moved in.
DH parents also live by this school, and his uncle had lived there until he got married. He has in the recent past stayed there with his wife and kids too, for 2 weeks. I've asked DH why they don't stay there, he said they not welcome back.
They will expect hotel treatment, restaurant service, childcare for their 5yo son and 1yo daughter just like they did at my PIL. I have my own 1yo DD to look after. And to be honest when we went on holiday last November with them and extended family, they avoided our company by retreating to their room whenever we were around, so I'm completely baffled as to why they even suggested this.
DH feels he can't refuse his uncle given the excessive help we've received in actually buying this house(it was beyond our budget) But jointly neither of us want them living in our new house.
We're not sure how much longer his house will take to be ready, the electric and gas are not connected yet, they haven't fitted any furniture, they've made no attempt in packing/decluttering their current house.
We will be working endlessly to pay for this perfectly lovely house we're buying, DHs uncle family are notorious for being messy, we wont be able to afford repairing things they damage, we've only just managed to afford the house. And is it honestly prefect. I really don't want it ruined by his uncle's family.
Please help me find a way to say no without being rude and still showing him we appreciate all the help his uncle has given.

I understand the concept of sharia mortgage and interest.... What I don't understand is why they are buying and then selling it back 🤷🏼‍♀️

@combatbarbie

It's all sounding dodgy! It's lost money in my mind or overpaid rent. House would have become ours at end of payments.

What I don't understand is why they are buying and then selling it back
to make it as confusing as possible so no one knows up from down?

You have to say NO!

And your H needs to find another job ASAP.

Something very fishy is going on with your DH's uncle and his apparent homelessness and inability to get a child up and dressed in the morning.

I missed your second post.

You need to pull out of this purchase.

What your H's uncle saw in the house is five bedrooms where he and his family could comfortably live with you essentially paying him to do so, your children bullied and bossed around by his, his wife taking over your lives, both of them laughing at you and your husband behind your backs.

As soon as his house is renovated it will be sold. If your H tried to get another job you will all be tossed out on the street

You will never, ever enjoy the beautiful house.

Three wise sayings you should have remembered before agreeing to this ludicrous loan:
1- Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
2- There is no such thing as a free lunch.
3- Never mix business and family.

You and your H had this shiny thing dangled in front of you and you allowed greed to take over your rational brains.

You need to back out of this house purchase.

Your H needs to grow a backbone and get a job under his own steam.

Tbh OP I’m not buying that you only took your DH around the dream home to ‘admire’ it, I think you were after it from the start and happy to take Uncles money!

Until they starting talking about moving in and you going back to work in two years, now you’re not happy. You’ve made your bed now and you won’t be able to stop the sale as you are not the purchaser, your dh is.

"Tbh OP I’m not buying that you only took your DH around the dream home to ‘admire’ it, I think you were after it from the start and happy to take Uncles money!"

I think that that's more than likely!

Financial support comes with strings unfortunately. I think you should let them stay on school nights, more like a sleepover, not moving their stuff in. But if you refuse entirely he may well take back all he does for your family. Sounds like he's given you a lot of his own money, you need to be thankful for that and return the help.

Sorry if I’ve missed this but are you planning on sending your kids to the private school? Surely if you can’t afford the house you can’t afford to be paying for school fees.
If I were you I would pull out of the purchase, look for a house you can afford without the uncles help and put your kids in a good state school.

How is your uncle affording to overpay DH for his work? Why is DH accepting an inflated wage from his uncle? It sounds like there's something dodgy going on here.

@Adelais

Sorry if I’ve missed this but are you planning on sending your kids to the private school? Surely if you can’t afford the house you can’t afford to be paying for school fees. If I were you I would pull out of the purchase, look for a house you can afford without the uncles help and put your kids in a good state school.

I thought the OP only had one young child who they are still breastfeeding? I don’t think school for the child have been mentioned as they are only one.

Think it is only one child atm, but planning another . The "dream house" is near good schools, but it seems premature to rely on that.

Downthread you mentioned you are a Muslim. A lot of the responses you are getting are from women whose western family dynamics are very different. It's very easy for me, a white western woman to tell my uncle to take a running jump and not care about the consequences. I think for you OP, you need to consider the fallout of not letting your uncle and his family stay in your house. What will be the consequences of this on your family?

I don't like your situation and TBH I think it sucks big time but I don't think many of us mums netters appreciate that some cultures are very intertwined and over involved with each other which has its positives and negatives.

I think if (when?) they move in then you say "oh you need your space we'll stay with Mum and Dad," or perhaps your Mum will be unwell and staying for a few days will turn into months?

If need be can you and your DD stay with your Mum and let your DH have to put up with Aunt and Uncle and does this mean that Aunt as the woman will have to do everything?

Sorry if I’ve missed this but are you planning on sending your kids to the private school? Surely if you can’t afford the house you can’t afford to be paying for school fees

The Uncle has a child who’s 5 due to start private school. Who the parents can’t ge tour of bed to be there on time. It’s all in the OP.

Uncle isn’t going to be on the deeds. OP said it’s going to be DH 100%. Uncle wouldn’t want to be on deeds otherwise it’s a second home purchase and additional 3% stamp duty. Uncle doesn’t want OP on deeds, I expect, incase of divorce and his gift ending up shared with her outside the family. It is in no way dodgy for him to remortgage another property in order to free up a lump sum for this gift/loan. Happens all the time for those who have multiple properties.
It’s also easy for husband to add wife to the deeds at any point in future. People do this all the time. Only complication will be their joint ability to raise enough mortgage finance to ever pay uncle back.
I like PPs idea of helping provide energy into Uncle’s renovation project to get the home stay to be shorter. I also believe that Uncle will want his mansion to live in when it is ready. I don’t think they’ll be sharing forever. It’s just going to be annoying for a while OP!

it's the uncle's house, let him and his family move in. You but your own place OP 🌺

Uncle isn’t going to be on the deeds. OP said it’s going to be DH 100%.

OP only has until Friday to hopefully stop this nonsense. But then I remember reading she said her husband said he will go ahead with the purchase with or without her support! Charming. So really, does the OP now leave her husband or just go along blindly with whatever living arrangements are placed before her?

Could you approach it as a bit of a jape from uncle, laugh it off and buy a loud alarm clock for uncle's son?

I'm not surprised they aren't welcome back! They are beyond CF - they are self entitled users! They obviously don't give a damn about boundaries or being reasonable. If they can't make the 35 min journey tough sh#t! If she can't do a 5 min pre school run she's not going to do the school run either. If they paid for private school for a year and didn't attend because they couldn't make 35 mins.... Well damn! They aren't going to get to go to that school then.

I would guess they have helped you get the house so they could use it and you. I'm also guessing if they get in you won't get them out.

The way I see it - if you say no they will throw a strop and damage the relationship. If you say yes - they will be rude and use the hell out of you and you will hate and resent them, probably never speak to them again and wish you never did it. So either way - the relationship is going south so save yourself the agro and say no now.

If they missed a whole year of private school because the house isn't ready and it's still not ready... Sounds like it's not going to be ready anytime soon, if at all.

Too many alarm bells going off for me and the fact they expect to move Inn when you havent moved in or it seems even asked if they can... That's beyond rude and a sign of things to come.

Save yourselves!

just because somebody gives you some money to help doesnt mean you have to by the looks of this thread i wont be agreed upon, you either let them stay and let them walk all over you in terms of being a nanny restaurant etc or you tell them your expectations when they are to move in or you tell them its not suitable for your family at the time hes wanting to move in and he will receive his money back as soon as you can, your not obligated to help him and his family just because he borrowed you some money, if everyone expected this kind of help everytime they offered a favour or borrowed money jesus christ we would all be screwed and living with parents probably get blasted but no way would i have anyone live in my house if i didnt want them there

you want his money but you dont want him

Sounds like DH's uncle thinks he owns you so to speak. He knows he is making a request that you can't really refuse without losing the house altogether. Is he able to afford it himself? or is that why he wanted to "help" you buy it? for the proximity to the school and not having to pay for it himself? Are you able to sell it to him? and find a more affordable home that won't have you in his debt? and beholden to him? Quite a pickle, try to brainstorm all the possible solutions before agreeing to anything! Good luck!

Ooh jeez this is awkward. I’m so sorry you’re in this position 🥺
It seems you inadvertently made a deal with the devil by accepting financial help from your husbands uncle and he’s wasted no time at all in making you pay for it. At least Faust wasn’t required to make good on the deal until he’d died.
Have you tried talking to your PIL and asking for their advice? Maybe they will be prevailed opon to take them or at least give you more info about what made them refuse to take them back.
Honestly unless you have some health problems or any other brilliant excuse I don’t know how you’ll get out of it.
If you agree and you end to falling out with them then expect them to ask for their money back 😩

I agree with @mathanxiety but I appreciate culturally this looks to be unlikely, particularly as the DH has made it clear he is accepting the offer whether @UmmMaryam2019 likes it or not.

Upshot: this is a story of greed, pure and simple.

You've sewn yourselves into this situation and you know it's going to be a nightmare due to the fact they are not welcome at PIL due to their legendary selfish and unreasonable behaviour but you reap what you sow.

Assist in getting uncle's property ready ASAP and hopefully they won't be there too long.