DH's uncle wants to move into our new house with his wife and 2 kids,... We've not even got the keys yet!!

[UmmMaryam2019]

DHs uncle is a proprietor, currently renovating a large house in his home town. Husband and I found a lovely house also in the same town and with his uncle's help(financially too) we will soon be completing purchase. It's located 5 mins away from an exceptionally excellent independent primary school.

Yesterday DHs uncle requested to move into our soon to be new house if his house renovation is not completed in time for his 5yo son to start school in September.
His uncle had paid for his son to start this private school last year also. However their new house wasn't ready then either and the parents couldn't get their son awake and ready in time for the 35min journey from their current house to this school. His uncle's wife refuses to take her son to his current preschool which is 2 doors away from their current house. So his uncle does the school run during work hours.
DH works for his uncle in the town his uncle currently lives in. Last year they lost the money he paid for the school, it seems they are in the same situation again this year. However they want our new house before we have even got the keys and moved in.
DH parents also live by this school, and his uncle had lived there until he got married. He has in the recent past stayed there with his wife and kids too, for 2 weeks. I've asked DH why they don't stay there, he said they not welcome back.
They will expect hotel treatment, restaurant service, childcare for their 5yo son and 1yo daughter just like they did at my PIL. I have my own 1yo DD to look after. And to be honest when we went on holiday last November with them and extended family, they avoided our company by retreating to their room whenever we were around, so I'm completely baffled as to why they even suggested this.
DH feels he can't refuse his uncle given the excessive help we've received in actually buying this house(it was beyond our budget) But jointly neither of us want them living in our new house.
We're not sure how much longer his house will take to be ready, the electric and gas are not connected yet, they haven't fitted any furniture, they've made no attempt in packing/decluttering their current house.
We will be working endlessly to pay for this perfectly lovely house we're buying, DHs uncle family are notorious for being messy, we wont be able to afford repairing things they damage, we've only just managed to afford the house. And is it honestly prefect. I really don't want it ruined by his uncle's family.
Please help me find a way to say no without being rude and still showing him we appreciate all the help his uncle has given.

OP, there are so many questions you need to be asking! What is the value of the property? The money that the uncle is giving you either has to be a gift (ie does not need to be paid back) or it’s a loan. Most mortgage companies would not lend with an additional lender involved in the transaction. They require documentation from the person giving the gift to say that it doesn’t need to be repaid and is not a loan. What you have said is going to happen doesn’t make sense without something we’ll dodgy going on! Your DH may not be getting a normal mortgage...or someone is basically committing fraud. If it’s not a “normal” mortgage then you need to know what sort of loan it is and what your exposure may be. As a pp said, if the uncle is going to own half of the property then you have problems getting a mortgage for your share of the property. If your husband is buying the property then it will (probably unless there’s something really complex going on) become a matrimonial asset so you will be entitled to your share. If you do go ahead with the purchase then get your interest noted against the title with the Land Registry. If your husband is going to transfer half the house to you then there may be SDLT due which could run to thousands depending on the value of the property. Don’t buy a 5 bedroom house, don’t live somewhere you don’t want to, don’t be in thrall to the uncle, have another baby when you want to, don’t be responsible for someone else’s child (my DC aren’t the best at waking up early but somehow we made it to nursery every morning, like millions of others! How on Earth is that acceptable?! Get your child up and dressed and off to school!). You need to be asking a LOT of questions...who’s name will be on the title...is the uncle money a loan or a gift...the uncle shouldn’t be re-mortgaging for the deposit (in fact, lenders won’t accept deposits from a re-mortgage and they do ask for source of funds evidence so you’ve got another potential problem there)...why should you be paying for two mortgages...is it a standard mortgage or a Sharia mortgage (you need to know this)...will SDLT be due on the transfer to you....does your DH agree with the uncle dictating when you will be able to have another child? DON’T DO IT!!

OP We have a naice 5 bedroom house and when we bought it, I was a SAHM and my income was zero. I'm on the deeds and the mortgage (of course!). On the mortgage, my employment is listed as home maker and my income is listed as £0. You are being an idiot if you think you can't own a home when you're married and have given up work to look after your child.

Stop letting these men control your life!!!

@UmmMaryam2019

He is a business man. A few years ago he was willing to selling his business that DH works in as someone had made an excellent offer. DH managed to convince him not to sell. DH is paid very well by his uncle, which he says he wouldn't get anywhere else. So yeah his uncle as generous as he is, he may suddenly want his money back. We just couldn't do that without losing the house. We've got ourselves in a situation where we are under his thumb.

Well you need to get yourselves out of that situation or you will forever be indebted to your DH's uncle, one way or another. Buy what you can afford.

Good heavens. Back out of this agreement ASAP. Your husband's job and your housing are dependent on his uncle's goodwill (not to mention his money). That sounds like an untenable situation.

In your shoes, I would tell DH that you were having second thoughts and didn't want to proceed with the house purchase. Then I would encourage him to find a new job. And I would also go back to work full time if I were you. This house of cards could collapse at any time, and the more financial independence you can carve out the better.

Seems like the money came with strings.
Best you give it back or suck it up, he owns the house, anyway.

Christ, don't marry into this family you'll lose all autonomy.
Run for the hills and be yourself, what does your dp think about his wird family, they really aren't normal.
You need to buy your own home and if you stay with him your oh needs his own job not lacky for his uncle.
I've sort of little sympathy as you made your own bed OP.

@Devlesko your advice is a bit late - they’re married!!

Dear God, why do they do it? Then come on here moaning, they must know. Or maybe love was blind
OP, ffs get out of this ridiculous family. The more you post the worse it sounds.

I wonder if the uncle's business really was for sale?

And your husband is paid over the odds for his work & now has accepted a loan-why?

The uncle has his own family to support-why is he doing so much for his nephew?

Presumably Op's husband could work elsewhere, he's just happy not to-how else could he (& Op) get a 5 bed house that is beyond their means?

So the uncle has borrowed money (by remortgaging a property), in order to lend it to you? Is that legal? (I'm relying on my sketchy memories of the BCCI debacle where the Western Isles council got into a lot of trouble by doing exactly that).

I second all the pp who are telling you to get your own legal advice. I just can't see a way that this is going to end well for you.

You having zero income doesnt stop you being on the mortgage...I think you need to stop this purchase and ensure going forward you understand the legalities around house buying and ensure your name is on any mortgage going forward.

I would be exploring affordable options for you both that dont require a large loan

There is an old saying OP:

He who pays the piper calls the tune

Uncle is paying the piper (you & your family) and you are the ones that have to play the tune and will have to for the rest of your days. If you can live with this for the sake of a nice, big, shiny new house then that's your choice but go into it with your eyes wide open and don't moan or be shocked/surprised when it either comes crashing down around you or the demands on you become more and more difficult and make you ever more miserable in your shiny gilded cage.

This all sounds very odd and you sound very very naive. You need to pull out of all of it, see a solicitor if you need to - it’ll save you tens of thousands in the long run.

OP your biggest mistake here was not having yourself on the mortgage/deeds and not being engaged with the legal side of things on the house sale. my DH is on ours but as self employed less than 2 yrs his income was zero on application.

You need to find out if uncles name is listed anywhere on the legal side of things due to the loan... I know I had to declare where my deposit came from to the bank.

It’s very worrying that there is so much money involved and your whole way of life depends on it but you don’t understand what’s going on. This seems deliberate, your uncle is taking advantage. But you also need to take responsibility, sit down, look at the various arrangements carefully and see how you can get out.

The house is easy to get out of if you haven’t exchanged. You simply tell the bank and the sellers you are not proceeding, until exchange you haven’t committed to the mortgage formally yet.

1. Drop out of this house
2. Husband needs to find a new job

Knock on the uncle's door at 7am and go in and take the duvet off the son's bed.

Humour me @UmmMaryam2019

See when you repay the 50% of the house in 2 years time, is that just the amount borrowed, or 50% of the value?

If you can’t answer... that’s a problem!

Uncles house being renovated is a mini mansion in the middle of an acre of land with a steam running through it. His not planning on taking over our house, it's not grand enough for him.

Sorry, but I don’t buy any of this. Pure fabrication.

Maryam, does the little boy have SEN? Is this a private school for SEN children?

I'd be surprised if most fee-paying schools would tolerate kids in nappies in Primary 1.

Sounds like money laundering. Yikes. Get some legal help, please.

I can't quite see how OP can prevent the property purchase going ahead.
She is not named on the deeds of the new house,
She isn't the mortgage borrower
Uncle is "The Buyer"

omg OP... not a chance on earth I'd be moving into this home !? WTAF 🌺

@netflixismysidehustle

I strongly suspect that the reason you're not on the deeds is that it's been doing as tenants in common between your DH and uncle.

^^ This. In England you can get a mortgage even if you are a SAHM with zero income. The mortgage company will process a joint application with you earning zero and your h earning his income.

Or because I've told DH I don't want the house. And he said he'll buy it even without my support. DH knows I'm very against it. He knows this is one of the reasons I've not returned to work as yet too.

Basically response is refuse the house, even if it's offensive.
I've personally never been financially dependent on anyone since childhood. I've been lucky to have a very well paid career. I am Muslim and I've always earned before purchase. Loans and interest were a big no no.
My current house not sure if I mentioned is owned by uncle and we are purchasing it off him for a higher price then on the market to keep it interest free with solicitor drawn up contracts that are legally binding.
So far I've been fighting it out quietly with DH, given the duration almost agreed to the new big house. But this news from uncle highlights I need to fight louder, refuse the generosity more directly. And not care about the fall out, hopefully it'll blow over.

I have the sellers number. I can tell them directly. They had many other buyers that would still be interested.
Husband just text, we have a completion date next Friday. I guess I have a week to pull out.

Thank for all your advise

If you have a completion date next Friday it sounds as if you have already exchanged contracts, have you? Or are they going for exchange and completion on the same day?

The big thing is if you are not on either the Deeds or Mortgage and not named or included in any of the details of the purchase you, personally, have no say or influence regarding pulling out your husband and uncle can, and no doubt will, just carry on regardless.

Are you selling your current house? Are both you and your husband on the Deeds for that property and the loan from your uncle to buy it from him?

You are so financially entangled with this uncle it's alarming.