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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH's uncle wants to move into our new house with his wife and 2 kids,... We've not even got the keys yet!!

389 replies

UmmMaryam2019 · 21/08/2020 08:59

DHs uncle is a proprietor, currently renovating a large house in his home town. Husband and I found a lovely house also in the same town and with his uncle's help(financially too) we will soon be completing purchase. It's located 5 mins away from an exceptionally excellent independent primary school.

Yesterday DHs uncle requested to move into our soon to be new house if his house renovation is not completed in time for his 5yo son to start school in September.
His uncle had paid for his son to start this private school last year also. However their new house wasn't ready then either and the parents couldn't get their son awake and ready in time for the 35min journey from their current house to this school. His uncle's wife refuses to take her son to his current preschool which is 2 doors away from their current house. So his uncle does the school run during work hours.
DH works for his uncle in the town his uncle currently lives in. Last year they lost the money he paid for the school, it seems they are in the same situation again this year. However they want our new house before we have even got the keys and moved in.
DH parents also live by this school, and his uncle had lived there until he got married. He has in the recent past stayed there with his wife and kids too, for 2 weeks. I've asked DH why they don't stay there, he said they not welcome back.
They will expect hotel treatment, restaurant service, childcare for their 5yo son and 1yo daughter just like they did at my PIL. I have my own 1yo DD to look after. And to be honest when we went on holiday last November with them and extended family, they avoided our company by retreating to their room whenever we were around, so I'm completely baffled as to why they even suggested this.
DH feels he can't refuse his uncle given the excessive help we've received in actually buying this house(it was beyond our budget) But jointly neither of us want them living in our new house.
We're not sure how much longer his house will take to be ready, the electric and gas are not connected yet, they haven't fitted any furniture, they've made no attempt in packing/decluttering their current house.
We will be working endlessly to pay for this perfectly lovely house we're buying, DHs uncle family are notorious for being messy, we wont be able to afford repairing things they damage, we've only just managed to afford the house. And is it honestly prefect. I really don't want it ruined by his uncle's family.
Please help me find a way to say no without being rude and still showing him we appreciate all the help his uncle has given.

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 21/08/2020 16:49

OP may be entitled to half her husbands share on divorce, but she has no legal ties to the house, so can not force a resale, can not apply for loans secured in the house (he can and not tell her) He can legally remove her from the property, she can not get any financial support from the state if she stays in the property as no rental agreement and no help with council tax and the like as she neither rents or owns, she is in a difficult situation of the house sale goes through.

I’d also be looking at the increased sale price V interest rates applied. Something doesn’t stack up! How is the interest calculated? Who will issue mortgage statements? How will you prove any ownership?

I’d guess uncle is funding half the property in his name and you effectively rent until he signs it over to you if he decides to at a later date. You won’t be free of him for years.

PrayingandHoping · 21/08/2020 16:50

If the completion date is next Friday then u have to act sooner and find out when you are exchanging contracts. When you've exchanged you can't pull out (without HUGE penalties)

Sounds like your DH doesn't care what u think though and he is going ahead regardless. He is happy to be in the uncles pocket

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 21/08/2020 16:52

Apart from his complete disregard for your opinions about the new house, how is your relationship with your husband? There is something off about this whole situation and I would worry that I was being "managed out".

suzy2b · 21/08/2020 16:53

When my now xh bought a house i was not working ,I had moved back from living abroad ,was going to have the summer free, met my xh fell pregnant straight away,he bought another house my name was on the deeds and also on the mortgage

LIZS · 21/08/2020 16:55

My current house not sure if I mentioned is owned by uncle and we are purchasing it off him for a higher price then on the market to keep it interest free with solicitor drawn up contracts that are legally binding.

This makes no sense! Have they exchanged already if you have a completion date?

BronwenFrideswide · 21/08/2020 16:58

I am Muslim and I've always earned before purchase. Loans and interest were a big no no.
My current house not sure if I mentioned is owned by uncle and we are purchasing it off him for a higher price then on the market to keep it interest free with solicitor drawn up contracts that are legally binding.

Slightly confused, you said earlier uncle expected you to go back to work to raise a mortgage to buy him out of the property he is purchasing with your husband and yet loans and interest are a no, no?

The financial aspect of all this is so convoluted.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/08/2020 17:00

@tara66

I have not read all the thread but understand they want to stay with you so their child can go to nearby school. If so - why does the child alone not come and stay with you during the school days if you could manage to take him to school? They would hurry up with their own house. He could go back home at weekends.
You're send your 5 yo off to live without you all well possibly for months on end??
PrayingandHoping · 21/08/2020 17:02

I missed that.... he expects you to pay more back than he lends u? So he's making money out of this??

So you overpay him and then obv have to pay interest on the mortgage to pay him out. So overpaying twice rather than once. Utter madness!!!! Who think this is a good deal
Exactly?

And remember you're buying a new build that will likely depreciate and you've got to have the value in the house to get the mortgage.

He's not doing u a favour.... not a nice way to treat family.

Original poster
UmmMaryam2019 · 21/08/2020 17:05

@BronwenFrideswide

I am Muslim and I've always earned before purchase. Loans and interest were a big no no. My current house not sure if I mentioned is owned by uncle and we are purchasing it off him for a higher price then on the market to keep it interest free with solicitor drawn up contracts that are legally binding.

Slightly confused, you said earlier uncle expected you to go back to work to raise a mortgage to buy him out of the property he is purchasing with your husband and yet loans and interest are a no, no?

The financial aspect of all this is so convoluted.

My ideal are very different to uncle's and apparently dh too!
OP posts:
Lolapusht · 21/08/2020 17:07

What house are you completing on on Friday? The one you’re currently in or the new one? If you buy the new one, are you selling the current one or does uncle still own that? Do you have a mortgage on the current one as it sounds like it is a Sharia mortgage which operates differently (before people get upset about the “above market value” part. Completely standard and just a different way of funding a house purchase). Please read this info on registering your interest in the new house as it sounds like your husband is going ahead regardless of your wishes Registering Home Rights

Original poster
UmmMaryam2019 · 21/08/2020 17:07

@PrayingandHoping

I missed that.... he expects you to pay more back than he lends u? So he's making money out of this??

So you overpay him and then obv have to pay interest on the mortgage to pay him out. So overpaying twice rather than once. Utter madness!!!! Who think this is a good deal
Exactly?

And remember you're buying a new build that will likely depreciate and you've got to have the value in the house to get the mortgage.

He's not doing u a favour.... not a nice way to treat family.

Not sure y dh doesn't see this. He is very smart.
OP posts:
candycane222 · 21/08/2020 17:11

Hmmm the trouble wih all this is that as I understand it, you are liable for all your husband's debts to your uncle and the mortgage companies (for both properties?).

Are you going to go on owing uncle for your current house, and keep that on? With tenants perhaps? Or is that being sold to a third party to help fund the purchase of the new one?

It sounds as though the main business is property dealing, but for some reason these properties are not on the books of the company. I stress, I have absolutely no knowledge of this area but I wonder if this is being done for tax reasons? (eg to avoid capital gains).

Are you being used as occupants so the house is apparently a 'primary residence' - when really it is an investment for your DH uncle's business? You need to find out somehow.

If you can't stop the purchase, perhaps you will be able to persuade your husband to sell his share in the new house to his uncle (or to another relative), so there are no more debts to the uncle. If you and your DH have not actually put capital (savings) into it, hopefully you won't have much to lose either? Then uncle can stay there with his wife and kids without you.

This new house is not perfect, because it will never be yours. At best it will belong to a mortgage company, along with all your time, spent earning money to pay the mortgage insead of having a family life. That's no life. It certainly isn't a life you have freely chosen!

PrayingandHoping · 21/08/2020 17:12

Tell your husband flat you aren't on side in this and u won't be going back to work to pay off debt as it's such a bad deal and you won't be a part of it

It sounds like if you won't do it the deal may be off the table

Tell him I plan to be a sahm and have another child. Uncle can't tell YOU what to do with your life

PrayingandHoping · 21/08/2020 17:13

He does see it because he's caught up in his uncles world and what uncle says he does without thinking.

candycane222 · 21/08/2020 17:13

But if you can stop the purchase you should. I think you need to speak to a soilicitor EXTREMELY fast

SleepingStandingUp · 21/08/2020 17:14

Sorry op but as I see it you have no options.

DH had decided he's buying a house with help from U even though U already owns the house and is charging above market costs. I don't see how you can stop that purchase when it's nothing to do with you.
You could stop the same of your current house if you're on the deeds to that one.

I would however tell DH now that you aren't taking it a mortgage on your name to pay uncle his over inflated cost whilst paying interest on your mortgage.

Cocomarine · 21/08/2020 17:17

Just tell him that you think buying above market value to avoid interest is a total sham, because it’s interest by another name - and you won’t be proceeding for religious reasons 🤷🏻‍♀️

candycane222 · 21/08/2020 17:18

I meant liable for your husband's debts as you are husband and wife, by the way. Though I am not an expert.

BronwenFrideswide · 21/08/2020 17:22

Sorry to labour the point, OP, but this mortgage you are supposed to get to buy uncle out of the new property where are you to get it from, if from a standard mortgage lender then doesn't that go against the debt/interest no no?

The set up with your current house gives me chills too, I'd bet my house that you are paying way over the odds as to what you would have done if you had just got a standard mortgage. This uncle is making a lot of money out of you and taking you both for mugs.

Cocomarine · 21/08/2020 17:23

@Lolapusht

What house are you completing on on Friday? The one you’re currently in or the new one? If you buy the new one, are you selling the current one or does uncle still own that? Do you have a mortgage on the current one as it sounds like it is a Sharia mortgage which operates differently (before people get upset about the “above market value” part. Completely standard and just a different way of funding a house purchase). Please read this info on registering your interest in the new house as it sounds like your husband is going ahead regardless of your wishes Registering Home Rights
It’s one thing paying an inflated price when your mortgage is with someone like Al Rayan Bank. Such a bank will have taken advice from authorities on Islamic law, so the mortgage will be halal. I wouldn’t be so sure that inflated price leant by uncle would be halal.
Cocomarine · 21/08/2020 17:25

@BronwenFrideswide

Sorry to labour the point, OP, but this mortgage you are supposed to get to buy uncle out of the new property where are you to get it from, if from a standard mortgage lender then doesn't that go against the debt/interest no no?

The set up with your current house gives me chills too, I'd bet my house that you are paying way over the odds as to what you would have done if you had just got a standard mortgage. This uncle is making a lot of money out of you and taking you both for mugs.

@BronwenFrideswide there are plenty of providers of multiple types of Islamic mortgage. It’s mainstream stuff - if OP returns to work, she’ll be able to get a mortgage.
Cocomarine · 21/08/2020 17:29

Standard (non Sharia) interest rates are really really low right now.

Why would I not be surprised if one of the reasons your husband’s uncle has so much money, is because he’s been
“not” money lending (via inflated prices) in such a way that he’s been making more money off people than a on halal bank would have made? 🧐

candycane222 · 21/08/2020 17:29

But Coco, won't it be difficult for OP to get a mortgage on the otehr half of the house, if the husband already has a mortgage out on the first half of the value? There will be no security on the loan as the security will be claimed by the first lender. I assume that an Islamic mortgage lender would still require security?

(I admit I have lost track of who the husband is borrowing off for 'his' half Confused)

Cocomarine · 21/08/2020 17:30

*a non-halal bank

BronwenFrideswide · 21/08/2020 17:31

Thanks @Cocomarine, I'm not saying OP can't get a mortgage just it seems odd than one minute the loan is required from uncle because of the debt/interest not being allowed and the next uncle wants her to get a mortgage and, Islamic or not, there will be interest and it is a debt.