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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel absolutely insulted by this

180 replies

MadameBee · 20/08/2020 22:55

Suggested to my ex husband that for our DDs 21st birthday we got her citizenship and passport for the country he is from.

No reply.

He decides to do it himself which is fine, I got her another gift.

Tonight she came round with the forms for me to sign. Her stepmother had filled them all in but only allowed her to bring around the last page of the form as she had filled in all DDs details.

I signed the declaration which declares any false information can result in imprisonment or a £250,000 fine.

I haven’t seen what info has been put on the form and DD asked me not to date my signature which I refused to do and dated it.

AIBU to feel this is fucking insulting (as if I had refused to sign this would have massively upset DD but did not want to sign form I haven’t seen all the info in).

That’s unreasonable isn’t it?

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 21/08/2020 11:36

I did suggest it to DD but I had to involve her father as it’s his nationality.

I want her to have it and I don’t want to jepordise that.

OP posts:
Rewis · 21/08/2020 11:37

Why an earth does parents have to sign document for an adult? I don't know what country we are talking about but the system sounds ridiculous.

Original poster
MadameBee · 21/08/2020 11:41

If you are claiming citizenship you have to prove your right to it, it’s a country she wasn’t born in.

OP posts:
12309845653ghydrvj · 21/08/2020 11:42

Wow there is way too much drama here... I don’t understand why you feel insula

Original poster
MadameBee · 21/08/2020 11:46

Because I feel, again, completely removed from the equation and like “the help” by them.

Sign the back page of this form bitch, you aren’t worthy of seeing what we are asking you to sign, or replying to a perfectly polite, rational email.

How does her SM know any of the info anyway? And why take over from DD?

OP posts:
LockdownDowner · 21/08/2020 11:49

No one forced you to sign it - all you needed to do was refuse to sign until you had all of the forms in front of you.

Ughmaybenot · 21/08/2020 11:50

Your personal issues with SM are really overshadowing anything else going on here. It’s your daughter asking you to sign it!! It’s for her benefit, no one else’s, so I struggle to see why, on this occasion, you’re so venomous towards your ex’s wife.

Original poster
MadameBee · 21/08/2020 11:55

Because she had filled out a legal document pertaining to my DD, her birth, my details and details surrounding my relationship with my ex husband, without checking with me or asking and just sent me the back page to sign.

Control freak.

I had to fill one of these out for my son years ago and it asks for a lot of personal info and details.

OP posts:
12309845653ghydrvj · 21/08/2020 11:55

Sorry posted response but I think it disappeared...
your feelings for the SM are irrelevant, and your response of feeling insulted and like bored help is irrational. You are creating unnecessary drama, i have no idea why you feel the need to tell the world what a bitch she is.

Your poor daughter—this should be very simple. She brings the form, you say oh how nice, I need to check the first page—how about you send me a photo or I drop you around to dad’s and read it in the car outside? No drama.

You said you’ve fallen out with DD now and you told her how you felt. I’m assuming this included some of your ridiculous and inflammatory comments from above, which are thoroughly unreasonable. You need to get some insight—they’re not the only ones putting the kids in the middle. This shouldn’t have escalated into something toxic, you played a big role in that.

You hate the SM. Big deal, she’s here to stay so get over it. Don’t sign things without seeing the first page, but don’t start accusing people of “insulting” you and treating you like hired help.

12309845653ghydrvj · 21/08/2020 11:57

Just seen your updates.
YANBU for saying I want to see the form.
YABVVVU for turning a form into a chance to attack someone in your child’s life. Grow up.

Original poster
MadameBee · 21/08/2020 11:58

Why would I say any of this to DD when I can say it all here anonymously?

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 21/08/2020 11:59

OMG! I would never sign anything I hadn't seen. You have no idea what they might have written. Your DD needs to understand the importance of legal documents, which includes not signing something you haven't seen.

The issue IS with expecting you to sign a form as correct you haven't seen. It doesn't matter who filled it in.

Ughmaybenot · 21/08/2020 11:59

Give me strength. Presumably she asked your ex-husband who was there as well given he is, you know, also your daughters parent...

Vodkacranberryplease · 21/08/2020 11:59

Why don't you get the same document, fill out all of your part and sign it, then give it to her and she can take it to her father for him to do the same.

It's not that hard. The kid gets what she wants, you are not bring uncooperstive and the ex is out of the picture.

It's a form ffs. Freely available from their embassy or possibly online. If you want something done a certain way you have to do it. Not. That. Hard.

Ughmaybenot · 21/08/2020 11:59

Or, indeed, asked your daughter, seeing as it was her form.

Original poster
MadameBee · 21/08/2020 12:03

They wouldn’t give her the whole form in case she “messed it up or lost it”.

Like she’s an idiot. I do feel that she’s intimidated by her SM.

I was wrong to sign it I know that and I said that I didn’t want to but then was accused of creating “drama”.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/08/2020 12:07

You shouldn’t have signed it.

But it sounds like this has all been turned into a much bigger drama all around than it needed to be. She is 21 and should have sorted it herself if it was what she wanted

Vodkacranberryplease · 21/08/2020 12:11

Why. Don't. You. Get. A. New. Form.

You seem to just be stuck in some emotional loop about his wife. Get over it. Get a new form fill it in and give it to her to give to them. Jesus. No wonder they are so annoyed.

NinkiNonkiNikau · 21/08/2020 12:20

Refill the form sign each page and dial down the drama

ErinBrockovich · 21/08/2020 12:21

No way would I have signed this.
I would respond to your DD that she wouldn’t forge a signature. You won’t sign a legally binding document without seeing the content.
You are both right.

Original poster
MadameBee · 21/08/2020 12:44

It’s too late now as stupidly I signed it.

OP posts:
ElvisPawsley · 21/08/2020 12:59

@MadameBee

It’s too late now as stupidly I signed it.
But that's not anyone's fault but yours so for that fact YABU.
ElvisPawsley · 21/08/2020 13:03

Why are you focusing so much on your exes wife. You could have refused to sign it until you'd seen it. Why are you so scared to stand up to your adult daughter? You're her mother, she shouldn't be throwing a strop about this at her age anyway.

And I don't really see the big deal about her SM filling it in? Maybe DD asked her to? Maybe she just wrote it whilst DD and your ex told her the details? Maybe your DD doesn't feel she can tell you that because you quite clearly hate your exes wife.

If my step son came to me and asked for help filling in a form like this I wouldn't blink an eye, I'd just do it. Not because I'm some evil woman trying to take over from his mother Confused

AnneElliott · 21/08/2020 13:14

I don't blame you for being angry op. Try not to fall out with your DD over this - they are not worth falling out over.

I do find it odd why the SM is so involved. Surely it's her dad that should be doing the form since he's actually the one it relates to?

I get how annoying this is. My friend has an ex and his wife who behave like this. I countersigned my friends dd's passport and SM decided I'd done it wrong. She couldn't be convinced otherwise - she knew best. I'd previously worked at the passport office so was reasonably sure I was right Hmm. SM worked at a gym but was apparently an expert on the provision of British passports.

Vodkacranberryplease · 21/08/2020 13:17

Well if you have already signed it - which we already know why is your DD being so arsy? What's her problem? She's got what she needs hadn't she?

The only reason she would be pissed off is if you dating it caused a problem and meant she couldn't use it, and rather than get into it just re do the form. Otherwise if the form is useable who fucking cares? And why does she care?

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