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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel absolutely insulted by this

180 replies

MadameBee · 20/08/2020 22:55

Suggested to my ex husband that for our DDs 21st birthday we got her citizenship and passport for the country he is from.

No reply.

He decides to do it himself which is fine, I got her another gift.

Tonight she came round with the forms for me to sign. Her stepmother had filled them all in but only allowed her to bring around the last page of the form as she had filled in all DDs details.

I signed the declaration which declares any false information can result in imprisonment or a £250,000 fine.

I haven’t seen what info has been put on the form and DD asked me not to date my signature which I refused to do and dated it.

AIBU to feel this is fucking insulting (as if I had refused to sign this would have massively upset DD but did not want to sign form I haven’t seen all the info in).

That’s unreasonable isn’t it?

OP posts:
LirBan · 20/08/2020 23:29

OMG, you did it? I am not surprised you're upset. You were manipulated in to doing something that will cause you a lot of worry unless you see the first page....

Throckmorton · 20/08/2020 23:35

Why on earth did you sign it?! You know you could be in serious trouble if there is anything dodgy on the rest of the form, yet you signed it any way?

LynetteScavo · 20/08/2020 23:35

Your DD was massively out of order to manipulate you, but TBH you probably know what the information you didn't see was.

I would thank your ex for paying for it all and express your surprise that you were expected to sign something you hadn't read as you thought better if your ex and DD than that.

I'd have a quiet, calm word with your DD about the east she approached you.

Feelingconfused2020 · 20/08/2020 23:38

To be honest I would contact them tonight and say that if you don't get to see the whole document you are going to get legal advice as you feel you were manipulated into signing and it is too big a financial risk.

DowntonCrabby · 20/08/2020 23:44

I think using “insulted” shows you are pissed off he’s doing the gift.

I’d be inclined to put that to one side, keep things formal and say you absolutely won’t be signing anything without seeing it all. Feelings don’t need to come into it just covering your own arse. I’d be angry not insulted!

Quaagars · 20/08/2020 23:49

You only saw the last page, but signed it anyway?
I'd definitely have asked to see the whole thing, no way would I have been comfortable with that.

TatianaBis · 20/08/2020 23:57

The answer is no.

HelenUrth · 21/08/2020 00:00

At 21 she wasn't allowed by her stepmother to have possession of forms which have nothing to do with said stepmother?

pallisers · 21/08/2020 00:05

I wouldn't have signed a document I hadn't read. You should have told your daughter to bring the full form and you will then sign it. I'm surprised they don't require your initials/signature on every page of the document tbh.

I wouldn't feel insulted. I'd feel I had made a serious error by signing a legal document that I hadn't read.

Porridgeoat · 21/08/2020 00:06

Why sign something you haven’t checked through? Ask for the full document

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 21/08/2020 00:10

With something like this, you ask for the whole document, sign if you are okay with it , and send it yourself to avoid the possibity that previous pages may be "re-written" without your knowledge but with your signature on the final page.

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 21/08/2020 00:12

Thing is, even if you'd seen the rest of it, they could have changed out the other pages after the fact anyway.

GrumpyHoonMain · 21/08/2020 00:17

Which country requires the non-citizen parent of a 21 year old to sign anything? I would be blowing up over this - and if things do get out of hand, would just plead ignorance and say you had no idea who signed it - it was definitely a forgery. They should be able to see from your ex’s partner’s handwriting that it was fraudulent if they go down the handwriting analysis route.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 21/08/2020 00:25

I agree that you experienced some coercion and likewise with other PPs that it was unwise to sign the document at all without reading it.

Seeingadistance · 21/08/2020 00:29

I wouldn’t have signed it, and I would have explained why. Your DD needs to know that you don’t sign anything without having read and agreed to it.

Quaagars · 21/08/2020 00:29

and if things do get out of hand, would just plead ignorance and say you had no idea who signed it - it was definitely a forgery.

What, lie? Wouldn't that make it worse? OP signed it, it wasn't a forgery.

monkeymonkey2010 · 21/08/2020 00:55

I signed the declaration which declares any false information can result in imprisonment or a £250,000 fine....I haven’t seen what info has been put on the form

That was a stupid thing to do.
However....if anything comes back at you, as you've dated your signature, you can always claim that the other pages must have been forged after you'd checked the original form.

I'd also be asking ex for a photocopy of the full form.

PeachGinMummy · 21/08/2020 00:58

I don't understand... you're saying that your daughter throwing a strop or your ex-husband saying you're being difficult is more frightening for you than the potential consequences of what you signed on that form?

Honestly, why did you sign it? IMO you are probably actually feeling angry at yourself right now for your oversight. However, unless you strongly believe that there is actually foul play involved, I would just chalk this up to a lesson learned and aim to not repeat the same mistakes in future.

Souledout · 21/08/2020 01:01

YANBU they are

cuparfull · 21/08/2020 02:19

Oh wow, never sign a document unless you're in full possession of the facts.
Imagine what a solicitor would make of that.'

Vodkacranberryplease · 21/08/2020 03:02

You should probably get a blank copy of this document so you can see if there are any problems and if so where they are likely to be. What is being declared? They are hiding something no doubt - but what? Why? And why were you asked not to date it?

Vodkacranberryplease · 21/08/2020 03:03

As for your DD I hope you pointed out that it was your idea in the first place. Have you asked her why she didn't want it dated? That seems very odd to me.

chickenyhead · 21/08/2020 03:12

Well that's scary.

If there's nothing to hide you would have seen the whole document.

No way in hell I would sign anything without reading it. I wouldn't care who it was for or how much pressure, beyond imminent death.

Wow

AgentJohnson · 21/08/2020 03:40

You shouldn’t have signed it and they only pull this shit because they know you wil acquiesce. They are who they are and they will continue to be who they are, your integrity is your responsibility. Who gives a flying fuck if they blame you for being awkward? Maybe this is the time to detach from these people, your DD is 21, old enough to manage her relationship with her father without you.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/08/2020 03:47

IMO there is something on that document that he doesn't want you to see. It could be as simple as something you don't know about him or as serious as them having falsified the document.

But the bigger problem is that you are allowing yourself to be a pushover, not just for him but for your daughter. You need to grow a backbone and stand up for yourself. If your daughter can't deal with that, let her strop. Let her leave, even. Because I guarantee the day will come that her dad will treat her the same way he (and she) treated you, and then she'll come running back.

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