AIBU to feel absolutely insulted by this

[MadameBee]

Suggested to my ex husband that for our DDs 21st birthday we got her citizenship and passport for the country he is from.

No reply.

He decides to do it himself which is fine, I got her another gift.

Tonight she came round with the forms for me to sign. Her stepmother had filled them all in but only allowed her to bring around the last page of the form as she had filled in all DDs details.

I signed the declaration which declares any false information can result in imprisonment or a £250,000 fine.

I haven’t seen what info has been put on the form and DD asked me not to date my signature which I refused to do and dated it.

AIBU to feel this is fucking insulting (as if I had refused to sign this would have massively upset DD but did not want to sign form I haven’t seen all the info in).

That’s unreasonable isn’t it?

I’m sorry but I don’t see how it’s the stepmum’s fault that your 21 year old daughter is incapable of accepting that you need to read the entirety of a legal document before signing it and throws ‘strops’ when she does get her own way?

I would never sign a legal document without looking at ALL the pages, absolutely not.

Why have you fallen out with her? You signed it as asked - the only thing you did was date it. Not unreasonable at all! What exactly is she upset about? Get her to explain in detail. Something fishy is going on here.

Do you have a blank copy of this doc yet? Do you even know it's the same one?

@monkeymonkey2010

I signed the declaration which declares any false information can result in imprisonment or a £250,000 fine....I haven’t seen what info has been put on the form

That was a stupid thing to do.
However....if anything comes back at you, as you've dated your signature, you can always claim that the other pages must have been forged after you'd checked the original form.

I'd also be asking ex for a photocopy of the full form.

^^ This. I was going to say similar. I think (not solicitor, so not absolutely certain) that all pages have to be signed, in legal documents, or the unsigned pages are void. Therefore, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, as you are technically just saying that the information on the piece of paper you signed is correct. I would still have refused to sign the form though!

Your daughter is 21 yet behaving like a 12 year old. Why has she fallen out with you when you did what she wanted. She needs to grow up. Its a shame your ex husband and his wife both lack maturity and this has caused you issues with the kids being dragged into the malicious game playing. This will have a long term effect on your kids and its possible your daughter has grown up to be just like him. However as she refused to forge the signature there is still hope she will grow up.

I would never ever sign a legally binding document without reading through the entire thing first myself.

You will be liable for someone else's fuck up.

I learned that the hard way.

@MadameBee

I have now fallen out with my DD.

This women has spent the entirety of her relationship with my ex husband using my kids to play some fucked up power game with me.

You really need to stop blaming this woman and take some responsibility for yourself.

The kids have always been placed in the middle.

I am always the one to back down because any time I try to be rational is ignored to the point I get frustrated and lose my temper and as then accused of having mental health issues.

I came home one day and DD was on the phone to her dad, revising for her GCSE’s and she was in tears as they apparently had just had the diagnosis that his wife was terminally ill. 1 week before her exams.

5 years later she is still alive and well, that phone call could have waited a week.

This of course then meant that she gate crashed DDs prom because “she nigh not live to see her own daughters”

That’s all entirely irrelevant. You shouldn’t have signed it. You’re all supposed to be adults.

Why are you turning this into a diatribe against the stepmum when you were the one daft enough to sign the paperwork? If you’re annoyed at yourself deal with that. She’s 21 ffs, her GCSE’s were 5 years ago

Obviously not enough decent parenting here.

Don't let them doubt you, and don't go beyond your initial reason.

Just no, it's illegal and i am not signing god knows what without reading it through, and neither should you DD, ever!

Trying to get them to see your point of view or validate your actions is a losing battle really. Protect yourself and so what if they call you names, you need to act rationally for yourself not to try and get them to accept your actions. They're not going to.

And your DD will have the measure of her SM by now surely.

I feel like I am the “nutter” and they look down on me.

It’s nuts I know but I feel guilty for the almost warfare that was created, so I always back down, but I reflected on what I had done and realised what a twat I had been.

The kids always defend him and her because I think he is much less approachable, I am always the go to parent for everything.

Over the years he has picked and chosen what he did and they are desperate for any scraps he offers I guess.

Is it too late not to sign it...? I wouldn't let someone else fill in a form for me and sign without seeing it...although, tbf, my job pre dcs was corporate travel and most people I worked with let me do their forms for them and just signed without reading! I thought they were silly though. I suppose I was unlikely to make a silly mistake, as it was my job, but still.

So, being brief, I wouldn't let them have the page until I'd seen the rest. If dd says "ugh SM said you'd just cause drama", say "I don't think I'm causing drama. You really shouldn't sign forms without reading them. It's common knowledge to any reasonable person and I won't be doing it".

I'm trying to understand why a 21 didn't fill the form out? And why the sdm is involved at all.

Because DD was filling it out and SM is like “oh silly DD your hand writing is so messy let me do it”

Maybe they like their dad and step mum. You’re hardly unbiased in your observations.

If you’re the better more involved parent then it reflects even worse on you that your adult child starts stropping when met with resistance. Something to work on if it’s not too late.

The stepmum really hasn’t done a thing wrong here. If you want to list her many faults (terminal diagnosis, cheeky fucking cow ) maybe start a new thread.

This one is about your actions which you alone are responsible for.

@MadameBee

Because DD was filling it out and SM is like “oh silly DD your hand writing is so messy let me do it”

Honestly, I'd be miffed with dd for allowing it and then twisting it to blame you. I can tell you've had a bad time with the SM, but you don't have anything to do with her if your children are all grown? Focus on your dd and give her advice never to sign forms without reading them over first. I mean, she might not listen. She is 21, a grown woman. Not that much you can do really, which might be a blessing if she doesn't respect your perfectly reasonable views and dismisses them as unnecessary drama.

I don’t know if she is ill.

This women also threatened to tell my kids things about my “past” which forced me into a position of having to tell them myself.

I suggested to ex that we did this for DDs 21st bday. That email was ignored and the first I know I have the back page of the document to sign.

I have now explained to DD how I feel.

@MadameBee

Because DD was filling it out and SM is like “oh silly DD your hand writing is so messy let me do it”

Bullshit

Is she going to fill out every form sign every card wrote every letter for your DD.

This women also threatened to tell my kids things about my “past” which forced me into a position of having to tell them myself.

Killed a man? Robbed a bank? Secret love child? Are you a spy?

Look, in the nicest possible way, move on from the SM. You don't have to have anything to do with her. She is solely your ex's problem. It's great you've spoken to your dd about this, but I don't think it sounds as if you're trying to actively avoid drama if you bring up things like her GCSEs, prom and very ancient history. It's done with. None of it sounds evil at a criminal level. It isn't doing anyone any good for you to still be dwelling on it. Maybe your ex's wife is an utter twunt, (or maybe something has been misunderstood), but she has absolutely no connection to you anymore, so try to forget her.

This situation doesn't really have anything to do with the SM.

You shouldn't have signed it. I'm sorry you felt pressured but no one was forcing you. You can't blame other people for it.

You daughter is 21. She is responsible for her own behaviour and thought process. Your ex's wife might as well be a psychotic bitch you are trying to paint here, but it is pre3much irrelevant when your child is an adult. Stop blaming her and concentrate on your own life and your child. Your daughter (and you) should know that signing a legal document without reading it first is terminally stupid.

Agree with PP.

Your Dc are adults, step away form your ex and his wife.

You communicate with your DD, and you should have suggested the citizenship to your DD as a gift request. Taking you out of it completely.

Leave the past, start taking care of yourself and who cares what the ex says or does. It's no reflection on you.

But you engaging in tit for tat is making you out to be unhinged and is a losing battle as it's two against one.