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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel absolutely insulted by this

180 replies

MadameBee · 20/08/2020 22:55

Suggested to my ex husband that for our DDs 21st birthday we got her citizenship and passport for the country he is from.

No reply.

He decides to do it himself which is fine, I got her another gift.

Tonight she came round with the forms for me to sign. Her stepmother had filled them all in but only allowed her to bring around the last page of the form as she had filled in all DDs details.

I signed the declaration which declares any false information can result in imprisonment or a £250,000 fine.

I haven’t seen what info has been put on the form and DD asked me not to date my signature which I refused to do and dated it.

AIBU to feel this is fucking insulting (as if I had refused to sign this would have massively upset DD but did not want to sign form I haven’t seen all the info in).

That’s unreasonable isn’t it?

OP posts:
TomPinch · 21/08/2020 05:16

Never mind whether you feel insulted.

You need to work out what to do about the page you've signed and which will be submitted with a form you haven't seen.

You need to extricate yourself sharpish.

NoGinNotComingIn · 21/08/2020 06:12

Why did you sign something to say it's correct and accurate when you haven't actually read the document? That was a rather silly thing to do on an official document. Your daughter is 21 not 5 I'm sure you can explain to a 21 year old that you can't sign something to say the info is correct if you haven't actually seen the entire document!! Why isn't she completing her own forms at 21 anyway? At that age I lived away from home and was pretty much self sufficient, I renewed my passport aged 21, I filled it in myself without anyone else's input (bar the page where a professional who knows you checks to say everything is correct - I obviously let them see the full form though!).

Shesapunkpunk · 21/08/2020 06:26

@MadameBee

Both your parents have to sign it.

Her father encouraged her to forge my signature and she refused.

She’s 21. And it is only her father's Country of origin? Yeah, I don’t think so. Don’t get involved, it is bullshit.
FippertyGibbett · 21/08/2020 06:33

You shouldn’t have signed what you didn’t see.

User43210 · 21/08/2020 06:38

@MadameBee did your daughter stay last night? Can you get the form back and say you'll give it to her when you've read what you signed or you will destroy it.

I can't understand why 1) they wouldn't let you see the document, 2) they wanted the date to stay blank and 3) why her dad would encourage her to forge a legal document. That's really, really bad. (Obviously thought if she forged it, you wouldn't get her in trouble but if he did you could).

It's something you wanted for your daughter so I don't get why they're acting so unreasonably. YANBU but they are being VVVU

Whenwillthisbeover · 21/08/2020 06:38

If you’re 21 and both parents are dead what happens then? I don’t believe you lose your birth right to be a citizen of that country because you don’t have parents to sign.

You may have signed a bank loan agreement .... joke ... I hope!

Russellbrandshair · 21/08/2020 06:49

Why on earth did you sign it then????
You could have said no....

snappycamper · 21/08/2020 06:51

YANBU to feel insulted but YABU to have signed the bloody form. Asking to see a document before signing it is not creating drama

pussycatinboots · 21/08/2020 06:53

Why the fuck did you sign it???

0503237m · 21/08/2020 07:00

Why did you go and sign it? I wouldn’t have done that

PollyHasAPocket · 21/08/2020 07:01

I think they (your DD and your ex, not sure why it's his wife's fault?), were unreasonable to ask you to sign it without seeing the full document.

But YAequallyBU for signing it. No one forced you. Your 21yr old daughter is an adult and shouldn't be getting very upset about this stuff. You shouldn't have signed it and should have explained to your DD why. That's on you, you should be annoyed at yourself as well, no one had a gun to your head.

My parents would never agree to sign something I just brought them the back page of whether I got very upset or not.

Ginger1982 · 21/08/2020 07:11

I don't get why you signed it? Just to keep the peace?

PleasantVille · 21/08/2020 07:21

Why are you insulted? If it's because you think they think you're foolish enough to sign something you aren't allowed to see?

They were right so you can hardly complain about that.

drmothy · 21/08/2020 07:23

Why aren’t you allowed to see what’s on the form? You should not have really signed the form and YANBU. He wanted her to forge your signature.. does not sound good. But don’t panic, can you ask DD to show you before it’s submitted?

Nottherealslimshady · 21/08/2020 07:25

You shouldn't have signed a form that you hadn't seen and your daughter is old enough to understand that.

timeisnotaline · 21/08/2020 07:26

You never sign a false statement. You need to explain to your daughter that you didn’t want to upset her so signed but that really she should never ever sign anything without reading it and you’re sorry you set a bad example. But it’s a good example of how even when emotions are in the way you still need to do things the right way, which you didn’t do.

Ughmaybenot · 21/08/2020 07:29

Your daughter is plenty old enough to be told that actually no, signing a document you haven’t seen is daft, and so you wouldn’t be doing it... but it’s too late for that.
Is it always a tussle to be the ‘better’ parent? Might explain why you feel incapable of refusing a request which was unreasonable, no one should sign anything they haven’t thoroughly read and understood.

Notredamn · 21/08/2020 07:30

Insulted is an odd way to feel about it.
I wouldn't necessarily jump to your DD's step mum being a manipulative bitch, either. What would she gain from preventing you seeing the full form? What info could be on there apart from your usual passport stuff? She probably just thought 'needs signing= ask DD to bring the part to be signed'.

I'd have simply said to DD, 'How exciting! Just go and grab the rest of it so I know what I'm agreeing to, you've forgotten it in your rush!'

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/08/2020 07:31

Take a bit of responsibility here. You signed it. No one put a gun to your head. A 21 year old who strops? That’s the most embarrassing bit.

Dozer · 21/08/2020 07:33

YWBU to sign it.

Toptotoeunicolour · 21/08/2020 07:33

You should not have signed irrespective of the upset to your dd. She is old enough to understand why not and that it is ridiculous to state that everything submitted is true when in fact you have no idea what has been submitted.

VQ1970 · 21/08/2020 07:42

Are you sure that what you signed was actually for that particular document? You could have signed anything!

BlueJava · 21/08/2020 07:45

I think feeling insulted is a strange reaction. However no way would I have signed it without reading the rest of the form.

NinkiNonkiNikau · 21/08/2020 07:49

Very odd

DrManhattan · 21/08/2020 07:49

You could have signed anything! Wow