Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

For every one person who thinks it's a good idea to ask for money, there are ten who think it's extremely tacky.

If there's nothing you need and to ward off receiving ten toasters, surely the solution is to say 'no gifts.' Because no-one is likely to go to a wedding without a gift, you may receive a couple but the majority will give cash without the need for asking, especially with hideously cringemaking 'poems'.

Like another poster, about 10% of people gave us gifts of their choosing rather than money which is what had nicely requested (and made it clear that we were not asking for gifts and very happy for people just to turn up). The gifts were all a pointless waste of time and are all in the charity shop. Seems immensely ridiculous to me to feel the need to adhere to rigid rules about giving someone an actual gift or to expect people to make a list of things they don't need rather than give towards a much more valued experience if you want to. I'd not mind one bit

Dear lord! When we got married sending a wedding list was normal... why is that different to saying actually I’d love a contribution to my honeymoon any different? Because I gave choice of Denby pottery OR a nice duvet. Op ask for what you want, if people choose to give you a toaster because they think you’re grabby that’s says a lot more about them than it does about you! Btw I’m 47 and I give The gift the newly weds have requested when I attend weddings because that to me is good manners!

@HerNameWasEliza

Like another poster, about 10% of people gave us gifts of their choosing rather than money which is what had nicely requested (and made it clear that we were not asking for gifts and very happy for people just to turn up). The gifts were all a pointless waste of time and are all in the charity shop. Seems immensely ridiculous to me to feel the need to adhere to rigid rules about giving someone an actual gift or to expect people to make a list of things they don't need rather than give towards a much more valued experience if you want to. I'd not mind one bit

I had the same. Funnily enough, none of the immigrants had an issue. They just popped a twenty in a card and that's it. Simple as that.

I had no time to make some kind of list of gifts. We really didn't need anything... But the bit of extra cash allowed us to save for new bed sooner😁

I wouldn't mention anything about gifts in the invitation. Ask family and close friends to spread the word that anything is fine but you'd prefer cash. Most people will give cash anyway as it's always wanted.

I think it's horribly grabby and in poor taste to ask for money. Also in my experience there is a correlation between asking for money and then not sending a thank you. Which rather proves the point.

If you don't want gifts how about a request to donate to one of a few chosen charities?
How about if they don't want gifts, they just say so? I wouldn't donate to a charity as a wedding present. That is not a wedding present. I support charities of my choosing, not someone else's.

I don’t see how a poem is tacky, I much prefer to give cash than looking through a gift list. When I got married I didn’t want mounds of tat, we were already living together so we didn’t need more clutter. Most people gave us cash but I did receive a few gifts that have just been sat in a cupboard collecting dust for years.

I hate requests for cash, it’s like having to pay an entry fee to attend.

Invites aren’t supposed to contain the gift list or requests for cash as per etiquette. Tacky and grasping to request anything.

If couples want a honeymoon, they should find it not expect guests too imo. Cut back on the wedding if need be than put the cost on others.

In the current economic climate I’d want guests to have as little cost as possible to attend much less ask for cash.

I think every wedding I've been to had a gift list (usually John Lewis) or a request for money. To me this seems normal.

OP maybe skip the poem but just ask yourself are your guests like some of the OTT PPs on here or are they going to be fine with a request for money if people wish.

I always give money, it's a gift so they can spend it however they like.

I really dislike the poems and requests though.

I'm sure some people only post on these threads just to be able to use the dreadful "grabby" seeing as nowhere else ever apart from mumsnet is this word used.

Has anyone ever actually received multiple toasters?

Trying to imagine how unwelcome and stressful it would have been for my mother and father to have to field queries from our 175 guests as to what we wanted if we hadn’t had the decency to give them a heads up in the invitation. Only on mumsnet is a coy charade of pretending nothing is wanted and opening secretive back channels to find out the truth preferable to a gift list or simple request for money 🤣

Tempted to dig out my wedding card with the ubiquitous ‘no boxed gifts please’

@Todaywewilldobetter

My sister received a total of 7 slate cheese boards as engagement gifts from various people. There must have been a good deal on them somewhere

If couples want a honeymoon, they should find it not expect guests too imo. Cut back on the wedding if need be than put the cost on others.

a) some couples can't fund it even with a cheaper wedding. Welcome to the real world.
b) there is no expectation of a gift just as there should be no expectation if there is a gift list - it is absolutely no different. Guests can give something if they chose to.

I'd rather give money that can be put towards something the couple want than buy something not wanted.

OP maybe skip the poem but just ask yourself are your guests like some of the OTT PPs on here or are they going to be fine with a request for money if people wish.

Such a good point! Maybe cut out the ones who are going to be offended by it from your wedding and life

It’s very cringe. As PP have said, just don’t mention it and most gifts will be cash anyway. If anybody asks you directly then you can say “we honestly don’t expect a gift and already have everything we need for our house/flat but would be so delighted with a contribution to our honeymoon fund / house Reno fund” Or put the word out that this is how your parents / siblings should respond to queries...

I got married last year. We never mentioned gifts on the invites, yet the majority of people gave us money. The people that came and shared our day with us knew we’d been together for several years, knew we were settled and had kids/every thing that we needed. We didn’t need to write a poem. I’d be more unlikely to give money if I received a poem with an invitation to be honest.

I think there's a big (disclaimer not all) generational divide about this. I think older people who come from a generation that thought wedding gifts set people up with their house and family life find it cheeky when couples ask for money. Younger generations who have often lived together for years and already have a house set up and don't need house related gifts would prefer money. I think personally that's it's fine to say nothing or money. But I wouldn't do a poem, that's super cheesy.

Lol at paying fee to come. Why is the "fee" more acceptable when it's in a firm of Egyptian cotton sheets?

Or why is it "grabby" to ask for cash but not for... I don't know... A floor lamp! Yes. A floor lamp from John Lewis?

I much rather give money; than spend ages trying to find something that I worry they won’t like/use. Everyone likes/needs money!

What if invitation says something like...

"no gifts needed, but if you want to, maybe consider a small cash gift. We really have all we need in the house, but at the end of the day your presence is our present, and can't wait to see you!

Or something innocuous like that. I think people really do want to give a gift of some sort, but honestly, the days of toasters and ironing boards and picture frames are gone now, so nothing wrong with putting a few bob in a card is there?

I am Irish, and no one would EVER go to a wedding without giving a quite substantial money gift to B+G. A bit more restrained in UK I think, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.