Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

Jesus Christ. Wedding etiquette brings out a whole new level of insanity on MN.

It's obvious that you can't really win - pretty much every option or permutation re: gift requests (mention on invite, don't mention on invite, ask for honeymoon fund, don't ask for honeymoon fund, just say you want nothing, don't say you want nothing etc) has been mentioned on this thread as tacky or annoying or "grim" (my favourite) or gauche or trashy or....

Frankly, the only thing we all seem to agree on is that poems are the worst.

I’m sorry but I hate it when people ask me for money when they get married.especially when I know they have spent an absolute fortune on the day. Don’t get me wrong I do always put money in I just don’t think you should ask. I didn’t ask for anything but most people did give money anyway but some who probably didn’t have much money gave us a bottle of Prosecco another gave us a beautiful photo frame and all was very much appreciated but definitely not expected.i chose to marry because I wanted to marry my husband and that is that! Also being a guest at a wedding can cost a fortune especially you go to the hen/stag do then to put pressure on people and ask for money is just tacky!

It is also very mono cultural to object to giving cash.
We have been to several weddings where pining money on bride is part of the culture.
It seems odd that some people on this thread would simply not attend the wedding if they had to do this but would happily tie a toaster to the dress instead.

Well, I am always relieved when a wedding invite asks for cash, it's much easier TBH.
We did it and the resulting sofa is now 14 years old and still going strong.

NO WAY, its damn bad manners, and would annoy the hell out of me if I had this in an invite, in fact I wouldn't probably go.

So the last wedding I went to didn't have anything about gifts or cash in the invite but the bride and groom set up a fb page.
They added all the guest , put wedding information on there and we all got to share our photos of the big day on there as well.

I know this wouldn't be for everyone but it worked well for their wedding

Don't bother with a poem just put what Bob Geldof said for Live Aid...

We were invited to a friends wedding (My Ex's friend) and on the invite it stated no gifts please but please consider making a donation to such & such charity.
The people who actually did that and didn't get another gift as well, never heard from the Bride & Groom again

Also, re: an etiquette point earlier in the thread, how is someone attending a friend or colleague's wedding supposed to get in contact with the bride's mum to ask about the gift list? I don't have people's mum's contact details!

Some, I said Some......British can be far too uptight when it comes to money.

Just an observation from a blow in. I'm back home now and things are far more relaxed. But there are very few weddings here now because only 50 are allowed at the ceremony and reception INCLUDING the wait staff and so on.

Weddings here in Ireland tend to be HUGE. We love the whole ritual. But I think that will be gone for a while now apart from a few.

Is it the same regarding restrictions in the uk?

Those poems are shit. Just put nothing, most people will give money anyway.

I don’t see a problem with it at all. Surely most people take a gift to a wedding and why not contribute to something that the couple really want.

I personally love a request for money and dont know anyone irl who gets offended by it. But dont write a poem.

Most people that I would invite to our wedding would know us well enough to either buy what we like or give us money if they wanted to. If they didn't they probably wouldn't be invited if you see what I mean!
It's not about the cash, it's the unnecessary asking, for me. It might be terribly British but there we go!

@goodwinter

Traditionally, the invitation to the wedding comes from the bride's parents, and gives their contact details for a reply.

@BessMarvin

I quite literally couldn't agree more: why I come on these threads when I know I'll encounter that word is a mystery to me. It gives me a weird twisty feeling in my stomach, especially when preceded by 'horribly'. The word is 'grasping' or even 'greedy' (also a bit boke).

On the other hand, I've quite enjoyed seeing The Great Excommunicator ('You would not be in my life') get more and more enraged.

Ah it's just something to have a rant about these days. The C word is not mentioned in these threads, and that's a huge bonus!

We had already been living together a while and had all household goods etc., but wanted to refit the kitchen once all the excitement from the wedding calmed down. So we suggested if anyone wished to they could gift us vouchers - I’m sure it was for B&Q!

@SharonasCorona

This is very common in the Asian community. The last wedding I went to (I’m Asian), the B&G received £10k in money gifts. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

But did they actually ask for money?

Is it the same regarding restrictions in the uk?
There is a maximum of 30 allowed at a wedding reception and that includes the catering staff, photographer, DJ etc.

[quote Miner49er]@goodwinter

Traditionally, the invitation to the wedding comes from the bride's parents, and gives their contact details for a reply.[/quote]
Thank you! I'm fairly young and have never seen this. So you RSVP to the parents and you just know to ask for gift details at the same time?

If anyone asks if you have a list anywhere, you could always tell them “contributions towards honeymoon welcome”

I wondered this too @Higgeldypiggeldy35

We need a new thread titled something like “how do you feel about ‘no wedding gifts please but donations towards our honeymoon would be welcome’ requests AND how old are you?”

Don't do a poem

But do ask for money, if someone wants to give a gift at least they can give you something you want

We put in ours a simple, your presence is all we need however if you wish to bring a gift we would be grateful for money we can put towards our home or dollars for use on honeymoon (we went to the US)

I think it’s fine to request money, but I don’t think any gift lists or requests should go in the invites. If people ask, you then forward the info.

For the love of god not a poem though. I’m happy to give money but the naff poems are the pits.