Req money as wedding present

[kb16]

I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

Don’t do a poem most people give cash anyway ... we do £200 for family £100 for close friends and £50 for evening dos / work friends etc ... I only brought a gift twice due to people having a gift registry ( we went to another with a gift registry it was just a work friend though my husband I’d never met them more than twice, the cheapest one on it was £115 we gave £50 cash..) and we go to lots of weddings ...x I always think the poems are naff .. x

Personally I prefer cash to wedding list
Regard poems they’re so twee and try too hard

Agree. Chop your hand off if you find yourself writing a verse 😁. Don't mention anything about gifts. Let your close family know which stores would be great for vouchers if people ask them. Vouchers for John Lewis/Waitrose/M&S are just like receiving money towards your honeymoon. You use them for groceries and pay for the honeymoon yourselves.

And if I were part of a couple who made such a request and you explained to me why you had chosen to give nothing

I'd never give nothing. I'd just be inclined to give less. You'd never know.

I'd never give nothing. I'd just be inclined to give less. You'd never know.
Everyone's a winner then! Seems like the ideal situation.

Just no!

I HATE it when people ask for money. It's so grabby

Gifts are personal. I still remember now when I use something given as a wedding gift who gave me it

Last person who asked for money for a BIIIG honeymoon the following year never went and they got divorced instead...

In future I will never give cash again and people will get a gift card.

I prefer to give cash if I’m honest then the couple they can spend As they wish
Choosing from a gift list it’s stark and mechanical
I think it’s a bit old fashioned to be soo vehemently against cash

I'd rather give money. So much less hassle!

Does anyone else's toes not curl at the thought of all the waste and inevitable landfill that results from being coy about what you want as a present, and thus getting too many photo frames, toaster, kettles etc?

The planet is going to shit and we consume WAY too much but hey at least you've made your contribution to destroy it in the quest to be polite

Hopefully the host has invited people they know to the wedding not total strangers. That way the host can have a think and maybe guide would be guests eg ask keen gardeners if they could get something for the garden (if that is an option). Maybe ask a crafter if they can make you something (if it is something you would want).

I really do think that MN is a parallel universe when the following situation is grotesquely rude:

• B&G asks for presents or money on invitation

But the following situation is perfectly acceptable

• B&G says nothing on invitation
• Guest, despite probably been busy with little spare time (as are most of us) has to call and ask what they want
• B&G say "Well we don't want to be rude or bothersome so don't buy anything just make use a present"

🤣🤣🤣

HILARIOUS!

As an aside, as someone said earlier, why do people on MN seem to hate others in their lives so much? All this disgust at having to attend a wedding - if you don't like the B&G (which some of you clearly don't) why even bother going if you're just gonna huff about the favours, the cost, the present request? What a miserable lot!

Despite MN being weird about this, it’s a perfectly usual thing to do. Don’t do a poem though.

Blimey, I missed the crafter nonsense. That really is a particularly bad idea, because the more non-specific something is, the easier it's going to be for a charity shop to sell it. If nothing else, a punishment toaster should at least be of some use in that way. The same isn't necessarily true of something crafty.

That's not to denigrate crafter purchased presents per se, but if you're going to give a physical item to someone who doesn't want one in order to make a point, they're a poor choice.

I would hate a request for money. It's grabby, cheap and nasty.

If you don't need presents nominate a few charities of your choice, and expect guests to contribute to your honeymoon.

Why is a money request grabby,nasty, cheap?i don’t understand this coquettish don’t talk about money Betty, it’s vulgar.

Why is it fine to buy someone a toaster if they ask for one but not contribute towards their honeymoon?

A couple could spend all their money on their honeymoon so they couldn't afford household goods, make do with hand me downs and the stuff that's available very cheaply in Argos, supermarkets etc and then have a wedding list of naice household goods at John Lewis and that would be absolutely fine according to the etiquette police.

But if they kitted their house out themselves at John Lewis so they couldn't afford a honeymoon, but asked for money or travel vouchers when guests asked for wedding present ideas then that's considered to be shamefully rude and grabby? Just why?

Asking for money is transactional. 'I'm inviting you to my wedding, but this is what I want and expect in return'. It's the opposite of graciously accepting a gift chosen by a person who is celebrating your marriage with you (clothes/travel/accommodation at expense to them).

It's different if a guest asks what they can get you.

@PreggersMcPreggers

I'd rather give money. So much less hassle!

Yes!

Anyway, the correct thing to do is have No Boxed gifts printed on the invitation and then guests have the choice of either giving money or nothing. If you like the couple, you'll give them a cheque; if you don't, don't go to the wedding.

I've had a lot of friends and family get married over the last few years (including myself) and honestly, buying gifts has become somewhat outdated now couples often live together before they get married.

Every wedding I've been to in the last 5 or so years have requested money, and I've no problem with that at all. I'd rather give them something they actually want rather than a kettle that will sit in the back of their cupboard to eventually find itself on eBay.

I felt a little weird asking for money, but honestly seems to be the done thing now.

Whatever you do, don't write a poem! People will be laughing at you.

I think requests for money are really tasteless and cringey. Nobody has to give you anything. Most people will, but I would leave it to their discretion. If you really don't want any gifts, say so.

No to 'no boxed gifts' either!

You don't need to mention gifts at all on the invitation, especially if you are trying to claim for that you don't expect gifts from your guests!

@DianaT1969

Asking for money is transactional. 'I'm inviting you to my wedding, but this is what I want and expect in return'. It's the opposite of graciously accepting a gift chosen by a person who is celebrating your marriage with you (clothes/travel/accommodation at expense to them).

It's different if a guest asks what they can get you.

It really isn't. It's "I'm inviting you to my wedding and I'm aware that you will probably want to buy me a gift as is the convention. So if you do really want to then what we would make most use of would be vouchers for John Lewis/contribution to our honeymoon etc. We are telling you this so its easier all round, cuts out any unnecessary and awkward phone calls and reduces the chances of you wasting your money".

It's not a fee for attending!

Weddings are transactional guest Getting a paid for dinner, drinks and a band is a transaction
It’s understood in return guest turn up,don’t moan,smile and mingle

There is No one whose gifts are that thoughtfully chosen that simply nothing else will suffice. Likelihood is gift chosen only and you got a gift receipt.It’s not chosen from Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

There is No one whose gifts are that thoughtfully chosen that simply nothing else will suffice. Likelihood is gift chosen online and you got a gift receipt.It’s not chosen from Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium