Req money as wedding present

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I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

I prefer a honeymoon gift list or request for money. invitations without a request for a gift are no better. Nobody's going to be showing up without one. just be honest and say what you want/need. If it's cash I'll happily give it

@Leaannb

Its rude and grabby. If I got that invite it would be thrown in the trash and you would not be in my life. Its a ridulous amount of entitlement to expect others to pay for your vacation. If you can't afford a vacation don't go

Oh give over. It's a really normal thing to do. People expect to give a give a gift at a wedding and generally like to be given at least some indication of what to get.

Doesn't mean you have to follow the request if you don't want to but there's nothing wrong with giving people a guide.

Its rude and grabby. If I got that invite it would be thrown in the trash and you would not be in my life.
Overreaction much!

Its a ridulous amount of entitlement to expect others to pay for your vacation. If you can't afford a vacation don't go
It’s not paying for the vacation it’s just saying please don’t spend £20 on a casserole dish because I already have a casserole dish! But if you really want to give something we could put that £20 towards our honeymoon.

What stage are you and you DP at?

If you are about to move in together and set up a home then by all means, ask for particular things you'll need - that is why wedding lists were invented.
If you already live together and have the things you need then asking for anything is tacky and grabby.

Asking for money is tacky and grabby no matter how you try to pretty it up with shitty poetry.

I genuinely don't understand the MN hatred towards asking for money - it is so much easier than traipsing around looking for a gift and I know it will not go to waste.

We said no gifts at all on our invite. Those who were going to give anyway gave money or vouchers and some didn't give anything which was absolutely fine - everyone who received an invite had it because we genuinely wanted them there to celebrate with us. We didn't expect or need anything more in return for that

Its rude, grabby and trashy to ask for cash for your wedding

Surely it is even trashier to turn up a wedding with no gift, or a gift you know isn't wanted?

Assuming you are only invited to weddings of friends and family why wouldn't you put their wants before yours in terms of gift?

I had an invite once that asked for honeymoon contributions, but it was set up like a gift registry where you could select precisely what you were getting them. So, things like, couples massage, cocktail hour, meals out, skydiving etc. There was a range of prices and it was nice thinking you were buying the specific thing rather than just giving money.

Its rude and grabby. If I got that invite it would be thrown in the trash and you would not be in my life.

That’s the other benefit of course - it helps weed out the absolute weirdos like this who’ll cut you out of their life because they’re not allowed to give you a vase you’ll stuff in a cupboard for the next thirty years.

@Leaannb can I clarify whether you’re also against wedding gifts in general?

I honestly don’t understand why asking for cash rather than gifts is tacky. Is it generational? I went to a wedding recently where the couple had done a website where you could ‘buy’ bits and bobs for the honeymoon - trip to the mountains, sunset cocktails etc. all bollocks, just money really - and everyone at the table was so pleased getting the gift was so easy and it was nice to know they had what they wanted.

The poem is a ‘no’ though.

I said in my invitation that no gifts are expected and there was no list but any gift was very welcome as was money (obviously worded better).

Asking for money is grim; rude and tacky.

You could have a small wedding list, and include the option for vouchers on the list. Or say othing about gifts, and if people ask make a variety of suggestions, eg vouchers, small gifts that you'd actually like, or money.

Some people will always give money. We were given some at our wedding many years ago, it disappeared on inconsequential things tha I don;t remember. Whereas many of the gifts we were given -both from our list and those who went off-list - are still in daily use. I smile every time I use the whacking great big super-posh vase that I would never have bought myself, but actually looks fabulous whenever I get flowers.

I don’t understand people having an issue with it.

When we got married we said nothing about gifts in the invitation as we’d lived together for a long time and didn’t need anything - what followed was a phone call/text from almost everyone coming asking what we wanted as a gift. We maintained that we didn’t want anything and every single guest still gave us cash or vouchers.

I personally like giving people something when they get married and would rather have guidance whether a gift list or cash towards their honeymoon.

The correct etiquette is not to ask for anything at all when you send out the invitation and wait to be asked if there is a gift list. Then you can say that there isn't and ask if they would be prepared to make a contribution to the honeymoon instead.

We said no gifts at all on our invite that’s fine; most people will read between the lines and give cash but: a poem, a bank acc number, a donation page is so fucking grabby and tacky!

I wouldn't think anything of it, most weddings I have been to, people asked for a contribution towards the honeymoon. It's only on here that people seem to think it's a terrible faux pas. However I would find the poem a bit cheesy.

Whereas many of the gifts we were given -both from our list and those who went off-list - are still in daily use.

See I personally think lists are grabby. I could never bring myself to ask someone to give me a microwave, I’d just wait and save up for it myself.

If there was a poem saying you don't expect presents but people can contribute towards the honeymoon if they wish, I would consider you to be CFers. I would never pay towards that.

It costs a lot to attend people's weddings. If you don't need household gifts then just insist on people coming along empty-handed and tell them you want their presence, not their presents (and ensure guests know you mean it).

The problem with money is that you will know exactly what people have spent, which make it awkward for people who can't afford a lot. A gift can be bought in the sales.

You don't put anything in the invitation about gifts. You WAIT till you are asked. It's called good manners.

Poem lol

Perhaps the divide is between those of us who got married and had a wedding list ourselves -very much the pre-Instagram generation - and those who are getting married now. Nobody of my generation asked for or expected money.

This is very common in the Asian community. The last wedding I went to (I’m Asian), the B&G received £10k in money gifts. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

^^
I’m also not so self-absorbed that I think my right to choose what a couple should receive trumps their right to receive something that is actually useful to them for their wedding, but I know some posters see it as their god given right to palm off a toaster or some monogrammed towels and see a request for cash as a totally unjustifiable infringement

This!
You do you. Everyone is always going to have an opinion about something when it comes to your wedding, so should ask for what you and your partner want, it’s your day!

@Viviennemary

You don't put anything in the invitation about gifts. You WAIT till you are asked. It's called good manners.

I've been to about 30 weddings. Every one has had something about gifts in the invitation. I'd be baffled by having no info and a bit pissed off that I had to either guess or have a weird conversation about it with the couple.

[quote Leaannb]@ShirleyPhallus...I wouldn't like them after they begged for money and I wouldn't associate with them. I have better things to do with my money than send someone on vacation. I would take that money that would have been used for a wedding gift and donate to the Ronald McDonald Organization or Hurricane relief depending on the time of year. I would never talk to them again[/quote]
Truly the most bizarre overreaction I have ever seen on Mumsnet

Seriously so weird