Req money as wedding present

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I'm getting married next year and we are now thinking about sending invites out, a few people including my DP have suggested putting a nice poem/note on the invitation about how we don't expect a present but if people would like to they can contribute to our honeymoon.
Honestly, if someone put it on the invite to me I wouldn't think twice but now that it's me sending the invite I worry that it's cheeky!
I honestly don't expect presents but I understand that people like to give presents. I just worry that people that maybe wouldn't have got us a present will now feel like they have to? But the again I personally wouldn't attempt a wedding without a present so who knows!
What would your thoughts be if you got a money request as a present if it was formatted nicely?

I did go to a wedding where it said no box gifts please.... if that helps. It’s much politer

@RiteAid

Mumsnet is notoriously sneery about this practice but personally I love it. It’s incredibly simple and easy, takes all the stress out of the process, and saves the couple from receiving mounds of shit they probably don’t need since most couples now live together before marriage and furnish their houses themselves. I would much rather know I was contributing to a meaningful experience like a honeymoon than buying products they don’t need.

I’m also not so self-absorbed that I think my right to choose what a couple should receive trumps their right to receive something that is actually useful to them for their wedding, but I know some posters see it as their god given right to palm off a toaster or some monogrammed towels and see a request for cash as a totally unjustifiable infringement.

All that said - please steer clear of poems, they’re so naff. A simple, polite message like ‘Your company at our wedding is all we request, but if you would like to give a gift, any contribution to our honeymoon fund would be most gratefully received’ is more than sufficient.

And I agree with all of this.

We said something about not needing anything and here's a link to a Justgiving page we've set up but if you really want to get us something then John Lewis vouchers would be great.

I learnt from MN that if nothing is said in the invitation you are meant to contact the bride's parents to ask them. I'd never heard of that and I don't think many people know it's allegedly the done thing. But people generally want to get a wedding present and most would really appreciate some guidance on what would be most appreciated.

I disagree with everyone but I come from a culture where they tend to give money as a wedding present.

When I got married years ago I did put a poem and I did get money instead of gifts (we had been living together for 10 years and really had everything we needed).

I'd hate for friends and family to spend their hard earned money on things we didn't want or need.

I hate when people don't tell me what they want, too much hard work to try and get it right as a guest.

Mumsnet is so weird and sneery about people asking for money and you’ll definitely get someone saying they ignore requests for money and instead do something “personal” which basically translates to an incredibly naff personalised silver photo frame which doesn’t go with the B&G’s decor and they receive 10 of. Bonus bozo points if you make a charity donation on their behalf instead.

What’s nicer is organising your honeymoon and asking if people want to buy you experiences - ie £10 gets a cocktail on the beach, £20 is lunch in a restaurant, £50 is an upgrade to the room, £200 is a helicopter ride etc

Whatever you do, under absolutely no circumstances should you ever ever write a twee poem asking for money. Ever. In fact, just steer clear of all poetry in any and all circumstance.

I never have and will never give money as a wedding present. I presume you live together now? Pay for your honeymoon yourself. Choose some nice things for your wedding list from John Lewis or similar.

Miner49er If you’re budgeting £50 for the wedding, what does it matter to you whether it goes on a toaster from a list or their honeymoon?

Not everyone wants a wedding list. Presumably if they live together they already have most things they need.

Money poems are naff and tacky.

Do better.

@bubblesforlife

Would you not receive money anyways as gifts? Personally receiving that in an invite I would be more inclined to buy the couple a blender, it’s very cheeky in my humble opinion.

Why? Do you not like the people of the wedding you’re attending? Don’t go if you don’t like them, but don’t buy them a blender just to make some moral point when in real life it will just make you look like an absolute bellend.

No boxed gifts. Cringe cringe. Thats the worst of all. I'd be tempted to give a toaster and take it out the box. The cheek of some folk.

A friend of mine did the whole poem thing for her second wedding- it was the idea of her awful husband to be.

It was incredibly cringe. I was mortified for her. The little twee rhyming couplets thinly veiling the demand for cash. She also had a “wishing well” thing at the reception and one of the groom’s friends went around with it asking people to put their envelopes in. We were all agog.

There isn’t a way to ask for money nicely, people either don’t mind it or think it’s awful.

I think it’s become known that many couples would prefer money nowadays, and if you say nothing people will give money because it’s easy, convenient, and always appreciated. You can put word out through family that you’d like cash, and have something in mind that you’d like to be able to buy so that if people ask you directly you can say your hoping for cash towards whatever thing. But don’t say anything in the invitations, it is guaranteed that at least a few of your guests won’t like it, even if some don’t care.

I havent put anything in our invites. People have asked insisting they must get us something, and I've said money in those instances but that is close family and friends - parents and childhood friends kinda deal. We've been waiting 14 years to get married and as sad as it sounds I just want my princess day.

Its rude and grabby. If I got that invite it would be thrown in the trash and you would not be in my life. Its a ridulous amount of entitlement to expect others to pay for your vacation. If you can't afford a vacation don't go

And telling folk their hard earned money paid for your experience over the Grand Canyon whdn their holiday might have been a run down caravan in Bognor Regis. How crass is that.

Tacky and grabby. Asking for gifts is so crass, it shouldn’t be an expectation, it should be at the discretion of the giver. Poems are especially vomit inducing. If you don’t want gifts then say that and keep it simple, most people would probably give money instead anyway.

I never have and will never give money as a wedding present.

Really don't understand this mentality, surely most people these days already live together before marriage and own everything they need. Why give them a naff gift that will gather dust or need to be sold when you could just give them money to offset the cost of their expensive wedding?

I'm more than happy to give money.

Please no twee poem though!

Some couples we know have had a website for their honeymoon where you could buy them a voucher experience gift that was basically contributing to their honeymoon. So small things like a glass of bubbly while watching the sunset, to medium things like dinner for them both, to bigger things like experiences to do while there like snorkelling or a day trips.

I really don’t love the twee-ness of a poem but I think it’s fine to say something along the lines of: no gifts please. If you really are adamant you want to give a gift then something for our honeymoon (website) would be wonderful but not expected.

@ShirleyPhallus...I wouldn't like them after they begged for money and I wouldn't associate with them. I have better things to do with my money than send someone on vacation. I would take that money that would have been used for a wedding gift and donate to the Ronald McDonald Organization or Hurricane relief depending on the time of year. I would never talk to them again

What @FuzzyPuffling said

And for the love of God don’t do a poem

No poems.

But I'm more than happy to give cash.

I wouldn't dream of turning up empty handed and giving people physical objects you know they don't need or want would be truly classless.

If you don't want gifts how about a request to donate to one of a few chosen charities? A young couple I know did this and I thought it was lovely. They raised loads for the 2 charities too.

If they give me a gift list, I am happy to choose something from it. If they don't, I will give something from John Lewis and include a gift receipt.

It is in very poor taste to ask for or expect money for a wedding present.

I’m Another who didn’t put anything about gifts in our invites, We figured we were inviting them as we wanted them to come to our wedding, we didn’t want to pressure guests into Giving cash or gifts, saying that most gave us cash we got lovely pan set as well

[quote Leaannb]@ShirleyPhallus...I wouldn't like them after they begged for money and I wouldn't associate with them. I have better things to do with my money than send someone on vacation. I would take that money that would have been used for a wedding gift and donate to the Ronald McDonald Organization or Hurricane relief depending on the time of year. I would never talk to them again[/quote]
I don’t think I’d go so far as to cut someone off if they asked for money but I do wonder when it became acceptable. If they said no gifts I’d take that at face value and turn up empty handed, if I said no gifts I would mean no gifts and hope others wouldn’t give anything - including money. Wouldn’t dream of asking for anything.

@IlanaWexler

I never have and will never give money as a wedding present.

Really don't understand this mentality, surely most people these days already live together before marriage and own everything they need. Why give them a naff gift that will gather dust or need to be sold when you could just give them money to offset the cost of their expensive wedding?

Why would I pay for someone's wedding? If they can't afford an expensive wedding why are they having one? Its rude, grabby and trashy to ask for cash for your wedding