To class DD (20) boyfriend as an absolute tool

[browny1981]

My DD (20) has her own flat she works hard as a carer for vulnerable adults
Her boyfriend of 2 years was gifted a deposit to buy his own place and has a house . Recently my daughter's flat had a leak and the property manager wants to do extensive work. My daughter stary3d to look for another flat and her boyfriend said hey why don't you move in with me ? She was hesitant but chuffed as it seemed the relationship was moving forwards. The problem ; At the weekend they went for a walk with his mum, during the walk she pulled boy wonder to one side and had a discussion that was loud enough for my daughter to hear (she was behind them with the dog) it was in a nutshell a warning to her son to get a legal document signed and make sure she didn't "get his possessions or house" following the walk my DD approached BF and said is there an issue ? He says we need a solicitor, my mum has arranged one!!!! I have said right no moving in with him lets get hunting for a flat stay here until one becomes available I think it's horrible the way this was done ! I get there may be concerns on her part as there are on mine - my daughter is giving up her home she rightly has no legal rights to the house but if they split she would have nothing and nowhere , the manner in which this was done has peed me right off !!! ( he already listed her white goods on a selling site and told her to give notice )

This may have been asked or covered but why is the boyfriend the ‘tool’ Orr ‘boy wonder’. His mother was the one who gave sensible advice in a shitty way. Or has he done something else to make you not like him? You seem a bit bothered that he was ‘gifted’ money towards a house. Is there a bit of resentment there?

His mother sounds a nightmare, not only rude but openly hostile — she should have had that conversation with her son in private. She was making damn sure your DD heard what she thought of her.

DD is getting a very clear warning here. Is this the MIL she would want? And the boyfriend who so meekly obeys his mother, but lists his girlfriend’s belongings on a selling site?

You are a caring and sensible mum. I hope DD takes your advice and keeps her independence.

I hadn’t read the full thread when I responded, OP. It gets worse and worse!

Your daughter is young and has better options than becoming a live-in servant and provider to this lazy manchikd, under the eye of his spiteful mother.

She is already an independent adult at 20, whereas he will probably never take up his responsibilities. I hope she can break free. You have given her good advice.

YANBU, BF's ma sounds like a hellhound.

heartsonacake
Yep you're right , so I calmed down read some posts on here and text her and said my doors always open just make sure you're happy with the situation she again asked what i would do and I Just said I would suggest both starting in a jointly rented or owned house or flat where you're both on an even keel x

Just said I would suggest both starting in a jointly rented or owned house or flat where you're both on an even keel

He already owns a house though so this isn't going to be possible...

YesINameChangeEveryDay of course it's possible. That's exactly what (now) DH and I did. I owned. I rented my flat out and DH and I rented together for a year. Then we we're sure and I sold up and we bought together.

It's very good advice because it removes the inevitable power imbalance (which isn't only financial) of moving into someone else's home.

I suspect the boyfriend isn't in a good place financially though and is reliant on big cash hand outs from relatives and drip fed loans and bail outs and favours from friends and romantic interests. He probably can't actually afford to be credit checked by a rental agency.

The mother is right. She handled it a bit cack handedly but she is right. Make sure your daughter gets a proper tenancy agreement for her own protection and so that she has some rights (e.g. notice period, repairs, agreed rent and bills, etc.) should the relationship break down.

@SarahBellam

Is she also right that OPs DD should pay for that advice?