Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

To class DD (20) boyfriend as an absolute tool

185 replies

browny1981 · 19/08/2020 18:43

My DD (20) has her own flat she works hard as a carer for vulnerable adults
Her boyfriend of 2 years was gifted a deposit to buy his own place and has a house . Recently my daughter's flat had a leak and the property manager wants to do extensive work. My daughter stary3d to look for another flat and her boyfriend said hey why don't you move in with me ? She was hesitant but chuffed as it seemed the relationship was moving forwards. The problem ; At the weekend they went for a walk with his mum, during the walk she pulled boy wonder to one side and had a discussion that was loud enough for my daughter to hear (she was behind them with the dog) it was in a nutshell a warning to her son to get a legal document signed and make sure she didn't "get his possessions or house" following the walk my DD approached BF and said is there an issue ? He says we need a solicitor, my mum has arranged one!!!! I have said right no moving in with him lets get hunting for a flat stay here until one becomes available I think it's horrible the way this was done ! I get there may be concerns on her part as there are on mine - my daughter is giving up her home she rightly has no legal rights to the house but if they split she would have nothing and nowhere , the manner in which this was done has peed me right off !!! ( he already listed her white goods on a selling site and told her to give notice )

OP posts:

echodot · 19/08/2020 19:41

Why is she giving up her flat?? Or is it rented?

Chezacheza · 19/08/2020 19:41

How it was done was awful. And if this isn’t a clear sign there is going to be MIL issues in the future I don’t know what it. And if I was you I’d absolutely high light that. His mother probably knew she could hear. That’s cruel and passive aggressive and he was a jelly fish jumping to his mothers heel.

Also I’d tell her not to be signing fuck all, if she gets pregnant and lives in the house permanently paying in to the mortgage she going to be fucking this up for her future self.

She needs her own place and to consider what kind of future she is going to have with this lad.

I moved in with my dh, he owned his own house. There was never any talk of signing contracts. I bloody own half of it now where married. Women because they have babies are way more vulnerable than men. Tell her not to sign anything

His his mother going to ask for a pre nup if they ever get married

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 19/08/2020 19:42

I assume the boy is a tool because he has listed his girlfriend's possessions on a selling site and is unable to tell his mother he'll organise his own relationship and legal affairs, and to tell his mother not to be rude about his girlfriend.

The man's mother's advice was not in itself wrong - neither is the woman's mother's advice.

Babyroobs · 19/08/2020 19:44

So she's 20, has not paid into the flat at all and he just wants to protect his investment ? What on earth is wrong with that ?? He sounds sensible, I would warn my son in the same way although of course not within earshot of the gf.

Crankley · 19/08/2020 19:44

The mother is right but could have chosen a better time to have the conversation.

my daughter is giving up her home she rightly has no legal rights to the house but if they split she would have nothing and nowhere

She's giving up her home anyway which is why the situation came about so what's the difference? Of course she has no legal rights to the house and if they split she will be in exactly the same position, ie needed to find somewhere new to live.

Katela18 · 19/08/2020 19:47

Hi Op,

Totally unacceptable the way this was done and I understand your wanting to protect your daughter, she must be devastated!

However, I do think it's not uncommon for couples to have these arrangements. I moved in with my partner and we have an agreement along the same lines as he owns this house. However, he also doesn't expect me to contribute to the mortgage for the same reason. Maybe worth your daugjter considering this, if he doesn't want her to have any rights to his house he shouldn't really be expecting her to contribute to the mortgage, if she did she would be entitled to what she has contributed!

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 19/08/2020 19:48

His mother is right, but went about it badly. At least she knows where she stands there, though, right?

And at 20, moving in should be for the right reasons. They're not making future plans at that age ... they're doing it because her flat has serious issues and she has to move. I'd recommend she find her own place again.

Whenwillthisbeover · 19/08/2020 19:48

The cynic in me thinks he wants help with the rent and the domestics.

Before she knows it she will be sharing his bed and doing his washing and cooking.

I get she doesn’t have any say in the house, and agree that’s fair, but at 20, nah, she needs to live her life as she wants in her pad.

vanillandhoney · 19/08/2020 19:49

I imagine if it was the other way round, you'd want her to protect her home.

Yes, it was gone about in the wrong way but I think his mum is coming from a good place. She just wants to look after her son, the same way you want to protect your daughter.

User563420011 · 19/08/2020 19:50

I don't get why everyone is saying his mother is right.
The daughter would have NO claim on anything, legally or morally. Why would a solicitor need to be involved?

chocorabbit · 19/08/2020 19:53

But they are not married. What rights would she have? I have read time and time again on mumsnet about the benefits of being married or not depending on whether you want your assets to pass on your OH if you don't have children together etc. Can somebody explain?

Chezacheza · 19/08/2020 19:54

@User563420011

I don't get why everyone is saying his mother is right. The daughter would have NO claim on anything, legally or morally. Why would a solicitor need to be involved?

Exactly. My worry would be is if she signed away her rights if she were to get pregnant and live there permanently and contribute to the mortgage or even get married.

NonsensicalWitch · 19/08/2020 19:54

Reminds me of my now MIL warning DH to count my contraceptive pills, just in case I was trying to trap him . Honestly, at the time I said I was never, ever having kids. Trapping him with an unwanted (by either of us) baby, was definitely not on my mind!

She's probably right to try and protect her son, but actually, I would think a man in his twenties who has his own home can look after himself to a point. Your dd is the one I'd be more worried about tbh. I'd say, "tell her not to get pregnant", here, but then I'd be turning into my mil!

Natsel84 · 19/08/2020 19:54

Could you advise your daughter move in and pay her share of utility Bill's, nothing towards the mortgage ( his house ) then save in a separate account for a deposit on her own place ?

PatriciaPerch · 19/08/2020 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waveysnail · 19/08/2020 19:55

So if your daughter owned a house and her bf moved in, wouldnt you advise her to get legal advice to protect her assets?

MoaningMinniee · 19/08/2020 19:57

( he already listed her white goods on a selling site and told her to give notice )

How dare he do that??? None of his damn business what she does with her own property!

Porcupineinwaiting · 19/08/2020 19:59

She wouldnt suddenly become entitled to a share of the house just be because she got pregnant, so not sure that's relevant. The boyfriend is sensible to protect his asset, your dd also needs to act in her own best interests. That may or may not mean moving in - if she can do so for a cheap rent so she can save for her own place it may not be a bad thing to do, but she shouldn't spend money on doing it up or buying things like a new kitchen.

oakleaffy · 19/08/2020 19:59

If the boot was on the other foot.....and it was your adult child with the deposit, and she had a boyfriend, you'd probably warn him that he should tread very carefully and to keep the house in his name only.
especially given their ages.

Y?our daughter needs to get her own property...and protect it! {not easy, but renting is ''dead money''.

Touca · 19/08/2020 19:59

His mother was rude but I'm struggling to see why you think he is a tool?

Chezacheza · 19/08/2020 20:00

@chocorabbit

If they have paid towards the mortgage, or towards improvements or an extension, they might be able to establish an interest in their home.

This means that the court recognises their have the right to:

Continue living in the property
A share in its value when it’s sold

This is why his mum already booked a solicitor. She said this with in ear shot of the GF as a warning. Spiteful

millymae · 19/08/2020 20:01

Am I missing the point - why is the boyfriend an absolute tool.? His mother perhaps because of her rudeness and lack of social graces, but I think I’d be more concerned that she thinks of your daughter as a gold digger.
I don’t see anything wrong with your daughter moving in with the boyfriend as a temporary measure but now that I’m older and wiser I’d be doing my best to try and dissuade from moving in permanently, no matter that she sees it as an indication that he wants to move the relationship forward.

chocorabbit · 19/08/2020 20:01

Thanks @PatriciaPerch

OP, does your daughter live far? Could she stay with you and say for a deposit too?

oakleaffy · 19/08/2020 20:01

Edit..Should read 'warn her to tread very carefully' and keep house in her name only. {Freudian slip as have DS!}

stoploss · 19/08/2020 20:02

The subject hasn't been handled well, but at their age his Mum is correct.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread