Is it just me or is everyone else's child a genius?

[Pinkmakeupbag]

Maybe I am just bitter and jealous but it seems that everyone I meet, colleagues, relatives, friends, I even see it on here. Says that their child is exceptionally bright, advanced, top of the class, excelling academically. They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

I feel I'm the only mother with perfectly average children.

My boys 18 and 13 really are very gifted, they have both worked their arses off at:

• being cheeky bastards
• leaving clothes all over the place
• rooms like shit pits
• treating the house like a hotel

They are both academically amazingly average, would more than likely have not got into any posh schools (local comp for them, just like me).

Looking at all the above, they are just like a huge percentage of other kids their age.

In MN land everyone earns a six figure salary (yeah bollocks do you), lives in a massive house and their kids are child geniuses and have already developed and tested a vaccine for Covid.

The only thing I can say is that other family members get it wrong too. I/we thought that my nephew was dumb as fuck. Good, kind and funny boy but doesn't come across as if he has two brain cells to rub together. He also didn't do well at school around the time his parents divorced and his mum said that he can always become a bricklayer.

The past two years he gets straight A's and B's. We're really surprised that he is doing so well. Apparantly he is quite academic. Who knew?

Other kid is a total bore and total suck up, imagine the adult he will become

Hopefully a decent and kind person who doesn't talk in such a mean way about another person's child.

It always seems that way to me. My child struggles and will have to really work hard to even get a g.c.s.e pass grade. When she did her sats in year six it was sole destroying to see her disappointment at not reaching the standard. Not looking forward to g.c.s.e’s in four years time. I just repeat as long as she tries her best. But yes it does seem that everyone else’s child is a high achieving A

Nah mine is just average. I've noticed on social media slot are saying "happy 2nd birthday to this legend, who is kind caring blah blah" it's good that your two year is a legend and very caring. Mine certainly isn't a legend (yet) and I'm not too sure how caring he is. (he will occasionally share a toy) time will tell.

@Darkdecent

Nah mine is just average. I've noticed on social media slot are saying "happy 2nd birthday to this legend, who is kind caring blah blah" it's good that your two year is a legend and very caring. Mine certainly isn't a legend (yet) and I'm not too sure how caring he is. (he will occasionally share a toy) time will tell.

The chances are they won't be calling them legends when they hit about 12 or 13.

"Gobby little bastard" has escaped my lips a few times.

@Darkdecent

Nah mine is just average. I've noticed on social media slot are saying "happy 2nd birthday to this legend, who is kind caring blah blah" it's good that your two year is a legend and very caring. Mine certainly isn't a legend (yet) and I'm not too sure how caring he is. (he will occasionally share a toy) time will tell.

Just get off social media. It’s brilliant for the soul.

The thing I always read on here is people saying what a joy their kid is. Kind, funny, well behaved. And I think well my tween can be a right dick.

One of my family was extremely bright growing up. He went to Oxford and studied nuclear physics I believe. His adult life has been difficult, he struggled to find his place. I don't think being very bright is always a route to a happy life.

Maybe we should ask ourselves why being bright or gifted is valued so highly.

@GetUpAgain

I live in a grammar area and I guess it's worse than towns with normal schools when it comes to bragging. It makes people horrendously insecure and defensive. I met one mum who told me her child was Too Clever to take the 11 plus. A lot pay to go to the local 'cheap' private school as a sort of middle class escape route from mixing with non grammar families. Its such a shame and so wierd.

We also have a couple of local private schools which call themselves grammar schools. One of them is often referred to as the Fairy Liquid School (as in "rich and thick").

Nope!

It's possible they are talking about the things they do excel at though?

I see people today with gcse results. Those who's kids got mainly all 4-6's and those who's kids got mainly 7-9's.

My ds managed to get 4-9's and at least 1 grade of each.

He is amazing at stem subjects. Not so much the English 🤣

But what he does do well (swimming and maths/science/computers) he does extremely well and way above average.

Obviously when discussing him if others ask I tell them all about what he's best at. I don't refuse to talk about the struggles and would if asked but obviously they aren't the first thing I announce.

It's competitive parenting at its worst about how clever children are or what they can do and so on. Always been the same!

I’ve had a few Grade 9 lists displayed on my Facebook feed this morning.... it must be a bit galling if your own kid struggles.

Don't believe all you see on social media. And being amazing academically doesn't mean amazing in work and general life.

Yes. Being academically bright and being capable are not the same. During my working life I saw plenty of people who were less academically bright than I was do better career wise because they were more capable in the sense of having better organisational skills, more drive, more confidence. I’ve recently realised I probably have ADD as well.

It's competitive parenting at its worst about how clever children are or what they can do and so on. Always been the same!

It is. The problem is, their children pick up on all this "you are so special/gifted/clever" talk and think they are. As they get older, it's a real kick in the teeth when they realise they are no more "special" than anyone else and others really couldn't give a toss about how special mummy and daddy think they are. Often it's a kick in teeth for the parents too.

I've seen it first hand with a relations child, it's done her no good at all.

I think all neurotypical 1-5years olds are geniuses because I find it fascinating how much they learn in such a short period. So I give parents of toddlers and preschoolers a lot of leeway in their boasting because it really is extraordinary watching small children grow and learn.

But as they get older, it’s true, not everyone’s child can be geniuses so there is probably an element of exaggeration and rose tinted glasses at play.

From my own experience, in my family we were all fairly smart and all got good grades (straight As and A*s at both gcse and a level), all went to red brick unis and all qualified in competitive professions. But I remember that only 2 of my siblings were viewed in our family as geniuses - even though they didn’t get any better grades than the rest of us, they always seemed to pick things up more quickly. It’s only recently when I was trying to think about why we thought they were geniuses even though now we’re adults they just seem normal, and it hit me - the two “geniuses” are both September born children. The rest of us are summer and spring born. Of course they were going to learn things quicker than than the rest of us and their classmates. A distinct advantage in school.

I’m not sure the point in that story other than I don’t think I’ve ever met a real genius in real life. Just people that either study hard, go to good schools, or are very good at cramming/playing the exam system.

It would be interesting to see what these children are doing ten years or so after school days are over. Therre would be quite a few surprises l think.

I have seen many non-academic children, who have 'failed' at school, doing very well later on in life.

People have some warped views of their own kids. I once sat at a parents evening explaining to a parent all of the areas their child was significantly struggling within class (academic wise and behaviour) gave them some advice on where they could improve and what we needed to do to get there. I had been ringing throughout the year explaining we needed a meeting. They then said oh I’m so glad they are top of the class, they are so smart they will be going off to oxford! Every time I rang after to say I was sending extra work to catch them up etc they genuinely believed they were doing extra work because they were ahead - refused to believe otherwise!

Genius is in the eye of the beholder
If you speak to my SIL , my niece is a tri lingual Shakespeare at 6 years old.
She's not ; she's a lovely child who is going to struggle to rise to her mums expectations as she grows older .

@Itisbetter
I would imagine if people were telling me how clever their child is In RL that they weren’t.
I apply the same logic to random people on Mumsnet.

My parents used to talk about how gifted and clever I was. Always ‘better’ than other children. They didn’t nurture the gift they thought I had either so the expectations were burdened on me.

It all backfired spectacularly. As someone mentioned above, I got so nervous about failing I wouldn’t try new things. I wouldn’t put my hand up in case I got the question wrong. By GCSE level I became lazy, avoidant and rebellious. I was jealous and bitter of friends getting better grades. I got into a RG uni through the skin of my teeth and fucked that up too as I lacked motivation.

I was not gifted. I just liked school and learning and the expectations killed the passion. I wanted to share what I was learning but my parents didn’t want to listen.

My DS is 3. He’s as bright as any other 3 year old. The only thing I want for him is to be confident, happy and kind.

It's a difficult one. OP you mentioned you have 'perfectly average' children - which I assume means they're pretty good at a lot of things.

My son is 3.5 and adopted so we expected him to struggle with a lot of stuff. The reality is that he has a very severe speech disorder, which is going to take a LOT of therapy to overcome, but can also read, write, and draw and colour really well. I am exceptionally proud of these things because of what he has had to overcome.

He would 'average out' as perfectly average, in that he is very advanced in some areas and very delayed in others. So that's not to say he's any better or any worse than a 'perfectly average' child. His abilities are just a bit more up and down :)

Being highly gifted really is not all it's cracked up to be. Both my parents were in that category, but my late F was a narcissist who sexually abused my DSis and me and my DM didn't even know what he was doing under her nose. She was absolutely horrified when we told her a few years ago and hasn't come to terms with it. (Although in all fairness to her, I've now come to understand that she was herself a victim of coercive control.)

So being highly gifted academically doesn't mean you're necessarily able to function in other areas of your life. I'd far rather have my DDs grow up into caring adults than get a first class honours degree (they won't, but one of my DNieces might well achieve that).

My 12 year old has always been way ahead of her peers academically. She's also autistic and struggles massively with every other area of her life. It's not a good trade off tbh. I think you'd find that the majority of truly gifted/genius children will have similar difficulties; they don't fit in and they don't have friendships.

I think you'd find that the majority of truly gifted/genius children will have similar difficulties

Do you have any evidence for that at all? Lots of highly intelligent people are perfectly well adjusted.