Is it just me or is everyone else's child a genius?

[Pinkmakeupbag]

Maybe I am just bitter and jealous but it seems that everyone I meet, colleagues, relatives, friends, I even see it on here. Says that their child is exceptionally bright, advanced, top of the class, excelling academically. They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

I feel I'm the only mother with perfectly average children.

@Itisbetter
I was pointing out the irony of your boast.

My youngest DD just got a mix of 4s and 5s with one level 6 for her gcses- she has always been pretty avarage at everything she does, not amazing or exceptional. She is pretty and kind and I am proud of her for who she is. Older sister is a talented dancer and singer, and is also loud and outspoken and also has a particular talent for rubbing people up the wrong way. They are both amazing and special to me, but can't abide parents who brag about their exceptional offspring (who most of the time are not). As a dance teacher I come across this a lot - parents enrolling their 2 year old in dance classes because they are clearly going to be the next Darcey Bussell

Yes I got your intent @Temp123999 I was trying to explain but there you go.

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude
Exactly my point, thank you. And I'm working on a way to make it affordable and easy to access to everyone. And most importantly: at the right age.

I believe that if these are incorporated into the everyday activities then play therapists will have enough time for the cases that truly need them :) And save a lot of time and money for parents

@AzPie,

I hope you find a way with your DD.

Mine wasn't bullied, apart from some low-level nonsense. She isn't on the spectrum, has no identified educational needs, and I would hesitate to describe her as stubborn. She hasn't ever had panic attacks and doesn't refuse to go to school She is just very, very passive. She's never had a lot of friends, has never socialised much, hasn't ever been particularly enthusiastic about extra-curricular stuff and social groups.

There's nothing odd about her. She is the most normal person in our family. Her school is all out for celebrating diversity and I do wonder if that's part of the problem: because she doesn't fit into any of the qualifying groups, nothing about her is celebrated.

She never gets angry about herself, or angry about her schoolwork, doesn't get into a rage and say it's pointless... it's just that she prefers to potter around and relax and not have to think about what she's got to do.

Getting her to do anything has always been impossible: not because she refuses, but because you have to stand over her. When she was younger, she would make a 5-minute room tidy take an hour. No strategies worked.

I do wonder what I did to make her like that, and I do think that I can't have praised her enough when she was very young.

With children on the spectrum, I think you just have to do what works. There's no rulebook because they're all so different - and you have to know when you're doing as well as you can. It's very tough and you have my sympathies.

@TomPinch your dd sounds a little bit like I was. Looking back I think I suffered from a very bright, much older sibling and a hugely energetic mother. I was a slow, dreamy, passive child with no confidence that I could actually make my way in the world alone. There was nothing enticing about the idea of being a grown up at all. I couldn’t see a role model for myself, I didn’t like myself much.
I was a total introvert, quite happy reading or sewing. I still am! What would have helped as a child would have been being noticed for something (anything!) positive - I was good at baking cakes, for example, and making clothes. I would have appreciated some reassurance that being a grownup can be fun and more support in leaving home. I turned out OK though. I blossomed very late!

It certainly feels like every child in our village is a genius. Apparently, most of my son’s class are exceeding expectations in most areas and working up a year. Interestingly, I see far less of it when I volunteer in class!

Where it is true, I’m not sure it’s always about them being geniuses. My ex-teacher neighbour loves to tells Is how her son is so advanced. I can’t help but think he might be doing very well because she drills him with spellings aimed at the year above, was teaching him to read and write well before he went to school, and spent most of lockdown pushing him ahead in Maths!

You get the same comments about “everyone on here seems to have a child with autism” there ARE quite a lot of people with ASD. I think they are more likely to be mentioned on an anonymous forum. People STILL make shitty comments about how accurate your description is and suggest you might be fabricating/hamming it up/all kids do that. They don’t accuse of “boasting” though, so I guess you’re “allowed” to have disabled children.

I remember that in Reception, my DS came home and told me he knew who the brightest person in the class was - a girl had been going round telling everyone how she was the best, brightest etc. Her mother had told her that.
Awful thing to do to a 4 year old.
She didnt get into Oxford, which for her parents was an abject failure.

People like to use the word genius, when in actual fact their child is just bright.
9 times out of 10 parents only mention the good things and like to show off.

People are deluded. It's the same as everyone's perfect marriage on social media, wonderful careers, perfect family snaps. It's all bollocks when you look behind the scenes, that's not to say people are miserable but the picture perfect look for the public is manufactured to death.

My kids aren't geniuses, they're unlikely to achieve top grades at anything, I'm not beautiful or gifted, my marriage is happy but DH and I aren't flying off for romantic getaways or swinging from the chandeliers everyday. My job is ok, sometimes I love it sometimes I hate it.

My first born is way below average academically, creatively and socially but he's beaten medical trials and overcome the odds a hundred times and still smiles so that makes him special.

My second born was nearly mite for years, he's completely average academically and isn't particularly social, but he can pick up and sport and be great at it quite naturally (but choses not to) that makes him special.

My third born is academically at the top of his class, he is funny and clever and can make any tiny seed grow but not social and is physically behind his peers in terms of coordination and sports. He is special for his brilliant, inquisitive mind.

My fourth and last child isn't academic, she is creative and social, she is loving and caring and confident and that's what makes her special.

I think as a family we're doing alright.

I often think nature/nurture plays a big part in this. DH is more intelligent than me if you were to go by IQ - not that we've tested it's just clear from how we are sometimes!

But, I had a more 'cultured' upbringing than him. Lots of trips to museums, theatre, read a lot, private school etc. He was in the country swimming in rivers and running about, we were both happy. So now on the surface I come across as more intelligent as my general knowledge is better and I know about 'clever' stuff. He'd be nervous in a room full of academics whereas I think I could hold my own literally anywhere.

We each bring our own strengths to our relationship and as parents to our DD. She's distinctly average (at just 18mo) but I hope we bring the best of both our childhoods to hers.

DS is 8 months old and can talk, is also cruising, and is advanced there. But he’s a biter and because he’s ‘socially advanced’ (HV’s words not mine) can’t be left alone even for a second otherwise he’ll have a meltdown.

@Itisbetter
🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Itisbetter
Get over it.

Another issue with everyone's kid being a genius, that when you try searching for real help for real genius kids it becomes much harder.
!. Nobody believes the parent, as it has been so over-used....

I've got a clueless one, an average one and a clever one.

@Pinkmakeupbag has the thread helped reassure you?

Thanks @TomPinch I hope you find a way to help your DD as well, perhaps your DD is similar to purpleice and will just blossom late.

Maybe try praising things your DD does and see if that helps at all. If she's very overlooked and not celebrated at school it's easy to see why she doesn't seem that interested. We had that over lockdown with DD, the school kept sending out a list of students who had done exceptional work and DD said every week there was no point checking it, her name wouldn't be on it. She was right her name wasn't on it (it seemed to be the same 2 dozen names each week) but she did get a few nice emails from teachers saying how pleased they were with her work that week but in her mind they didn't mean it they were just being nice because otherwise she would be on the list.

Perhaps it's the same for your DD, these little things that signal out the clever/talented kids that her name is never on, I can see how demoralising it is, we didn't have anything like that when I was at school.

If you google it suggests 1% of the population fall into the genius range of IQs, (about the same as the number with asd).

@Purpleice

Thanks for your post. You really do sound like you were very much like my DD is now. You are even good at the same things. I would be interested to know how the comparisons with the other family members you mentioned made you suffer, because there are parallels there too.

DD has just failed another assignment, basically because she didn't get it in on time. She had weeks to do it, and it seems she just never got started until the last minute. No signs of obvious panic from her.

I feel like I have to encourage her to do everything, and I just can't keep it up day in day out.