Is it just me or is everyone else's child a genius?

[Pinkmakeupbag]

Maybe I am just bitter and jealous but it seems that everyone I meet, colleagues, relatives, friends, I even see it on here. Says that their child is exceptionally bright, advanced, top of the class, excelling academically. They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

I feel I'm the only mother with perfectly average children.

@PurpleMackington

Of course, I mean it's pretty impressive what all these small humans achieve in their early years of life.

Absolutely nothing whatsoever imo of being proud of your dcs achievements and milestones. Nothing wrong with sharing good news, and if your child is genuinely gifted, good for them.

There's a certain type of parent I have in mind with delusions of grandeur. They over egg everything, they just love to tell everyone who'll listen how their little Betsy or little Theodore is top of the class, once they reach high school age they absolutely, definitely no doubt could have gone to grammar but chose not to even bother with the test. The local grammar probably wasn't good enough for their child anyway.

I used to believe it all when mine were babies but you soon realise that they were just average children with very boastful parents.

My aunt was always telling the rest of the family how her children were both gifted, academically exceptional, prodigy children etc. With 99th percentile head sizes and reading ages far beyond biological age... It became a bit of a family joke.

My parents would praise my sibling and I for our efforts and support us and encourage us to do well, but would only tell others in the family our grades if directly asked, or just say that they were proud of how we'd done

Well: I was a straight A student, went to Cambridge, became a doctor, did advanced degrees. My sibling didn't sit any exams because they struggled with mental health.

My aunt's prodigy children: 1 got good marks and into a RG uni, but failed his 2nd year and dropped out. The other failed A levels twice and got a job and worked hard at that.

The moral of the story: people's accounts of their children's achievements can be different to reality. Some children with modest parents do very well, some children with boastful parents are very average.

Also, someone with an average child will not feel comfortable posting amongst all the A* parents, so the sample is bias.

Is a 9 the same as an A or A star or is 1 an A?

DD2 is so far behind in school.

She doesn't have a competitive bone in her body, happy when other people are happy, and is always the one who the teacher asks to be the buddy for new children, or when someone is upset.

I used to really worry about her, but think she'll be just fine.

2 very average dc here , but happy and healthy will take that any day

We celebrated a 4 on english lit today as year 10 but was due to take earlier , its a pass and one to less to take next year so win for us

@The80sweregreat 9 is a* highest you can get 1 lowest other than u

I taught Reception for a long time and in my NQT year (in a lovely little middle-class school in a particularly 'nice' area) was bowled away by the number of parents who were convinced their DC were gifted rather than just averagely bright. I would have parents come and see me after school as they'd compare reading books and if x was on a different colour band to y they'd want to know why, as though their DC was being done down or somehow prevented from being the genius they truly believed they were. At my first parents evening I had one parent ask me openly who the "top" child was in my class, as though they felt it was their right to know.

As an adult who now works with educational reform, I can hand on heart say the happiest DC I meet are the ones whose parents see the holistic view and give their children time, energy and opportunities to explore what they love in life.

OP, with all the grade inflation, it will be even worse this year. Take it all with a grain of salt.

My dd catches on to her lessons quickly and processes it swiftly but she lacks the skills to think critically. She accepts what she's being told and never reads any more broadly into the subject. She is bright, and in the top 10% of her year but prefers to listen and absorb the lesson and not get too involved. She's happiest with her nose in a novel. She has friends but is quite shy and hates putting her hand up. Her teachers at first thought she wasn't "present" and learning because she barely says a word. But her written work is of a very high standard. I can see her going two ways, either into academia or something practical with animals.

My eldest would probably be labelled gifted if she were at school - we home educate. She has always picked up academic things very quickly, understands complex ideas, and reads voraciously. She's also a perfectionist, hates getting things wrong, and thus won't try new things in case she fails. I've spent most of the past year getting her comfortable with making mistakes and helping her learn that she doesn't have to do things perfectly. She has a tendency to be anxious.

My DH and I were both "gifted" at school. For him that meant excelling academically and going to Cambridge. For me that meant getting to a certain point with things and then being afraid to get them wrong so not trying. It meant falling apart when I failed something for the first time in my life when I was at university. Sometimes the gifted label is unhelpful.

And yes, there's a big difference between gifted and genius. Genius is gifted PLUS. It's being extremely clever and then having an incredible talent and drive for something. It is rare. Having a high IQ is only one part of genius.

@The80sweregreat

Is a 9 the same as an A or A star or is 1 an A?

9 is above A*

8 is the same and 7 is an A.

I don't agree people boast because because it's untrue. People will say what their dcs are good at if asked.

When people talk about swimming I talk about how well my ds is doing in 50/100/400m free. How much his fly is improving.
In could mention how his back is just ok or how he can't do breaststroke because he degenerative condition that's a cousin to MND.

It's not a boast. It's saying he is really good at what he's good at.

Likewise I can say he got 7/8/9's in many and science GCSEs.

I don't automatically mention how he had a breakdown and tried to kill himself 4 years ago because school were shit and didn't stop bullies until 1 pulled a knife on him in the classroom.

It's perfectly possible for people to focus - when asked - on the positive parts of their lives.

Sometimes we just accept the least positives or keep our very real heartaches and struggles private.

Overall my dd is average. Balanced out.

But he excels at certain things and I'm not going to pretend he doesn't.

Maths and science (he didn't get that in many!)

I have 4 pretty average children. One attended speech therapy for years but they gave up on him towards the end - had all the sounds but ‘chose not to use them’ lol. Anyway - was shocked in work one day by a colleague saying how ‘brave’ I was to tell people about his ‘problem’. People try and hide imperfections in their children and concentrate/exaggerate the good bits. Sad really. My son is now a bright, mumbling teenager at Uni

I remember when my kids were smaller, it felt like I was the only one with kids who needed to be taught how to read, write, and do arithmetic. Everyone else's just picked it up and all the maths and everything from just daily life.

I've since learned it's all shite and the parents who did that the most were just really insecure about having kids who were struggling and it just resulted in them struggling more. There is still a lot of ideas that the kids' abilities reflect the parents' abilities both as parents and as people. I now try to talk more about all the work my kids put in when discussing these things with others, I don't care if I look shite, I'd rather other parents didn't feel they had to lie or hide the difficulties they or their kids are having.

My oldest daughter worked so hard to pass her gcse's, and A'levels. She is now training to be a children's nurse. My oldest son has given me so many grey hairs, he school refused from when he started senior school. I removed him in year 9. He then went to college. He has no gcse's but has passed functional skills maths/English. He is now about to start level 2 bricklaying. He is autistic, dyslexic and ADD. My youngest daughter is dyspraxic but should pass 5 gcse's at a 4 or above. My youngest son is very clever, not a genius but super smart

Meh. Mine really aren’t. Instead of intelligence, they have been blessed with a talent for making a hell of a racket.

Mine aren't and I've noti6 those who were very bright when at primary aren't so bright now. Ones in year 12 got 4,5 and 6s at GCSE with one 7. (Amazed at that) if he gets BCC to do the non RG uni coarse he wants next year I'll be happy . Let's hope it's not another fiasco. Dd 13 is more academic and top set but not top of top set. Both have significant dyslexic tendencies. Both are caring responsible and able too cook which is I feel more important.

My first son is incredibly bright. He's streets ahead of others in his class. He's still very young though. And struggles socially.

Second DC, not so much. I think he could be but he cares not one not about numbers and letters whereas his brother is obsessed with them and seems to have an excellent memory.

@Janaih YES . I’m only 2 pages into a 10 page thread but still the number of people who HAD to report their child is very bright, gifted, above average.

Do you people even care that it’s literally the opposite of what this thread is about. Bore off and go and brag to granny because believe me, no one else gives a crap!

Oh @Keeva2017 you do feel quite vehement about this subject in which case this is not the thread for you. And please don't fire any reciprocal comments towards me as I will not bite and will just ignore them.
It's all about balance people explaining both and all sides of their DC and that fundamentally it doesn't matter either way.

I've never bored anyone with the fact that I have been told my DS is exceptionally bright, gifted and a genius (yes they do actually say all this themselves to me) by his teachers at both Primary and Secondary School.

I always felt really awkward and promptly changed the subject when parents would tell me their DC had told them how bright my DS was in class, he just is and that's that. I do nothing to encourage it and I don't go on about it and I don't even care, it's just a part of him. I couldn't care less if he wasn't. I let him do what interests him whilst guiding him as best I can to be a confident and kind 14 year old boy. And if he fucks up along the way I'll be there for him.

@Keeva2017

I know I'm so hilarious, you passive aggressive pair. Good luck to you both.

I did well academically but dropped out of Oxbridge and my life doesn’t relate in any way to what I was going to do when I was finishing school.
There were always people with more common sense than I had and the good marks I got at school meant more to my parents than to me.
Throughout my life I have met people who might not have done well academically but possess extraordinary skills and talents, which often don’t become apparent until later in life.
Moreover, I am not a good listener and I admire people who have good social skills. It’s very difficult to learn those.
I am not very good at encouraging my kid to excel at school because I just don’t think it’s the be all and end all. To me, having the skills to cope emotionally is important, and I am also quite focused on life skills.
It’s important to remember that many high achievers are not happy and therefore how successful are they really?
If I had to set a goal for my own kid I would say Quietly Competent in the sense of just being able to get on with things and make the best of any given scenario.

Ds4 was hitting the middle level of all of his assessments. He sounds cleverer than he is as he has that sort of memory where he can remember everything so it sounds like he's reading but he's not reading as high a level as it seems. And he was almost sent to speech therepy as he failed his two and a half review on speech... And started talking fluently a week later 😂At the moment i would say he's a hard worker with potential and its up to him what he does with that. More importantly he's already putting his friends first and is a kind little boy.