Is it just me or is everyone else's child a genius?

[Pinkmakeupbag]

Maybe I am just bitter and jealous but it seems that everyone I meet, colleagues, relatives, friends, I even see it on here. Says that their child is exceptionally bright, advanced, top of the class, excelling academically. They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

I feel I'm the only mother with perfectly average children.

@SqidgeBum

I have a toddler. Myself and DH are both very academic and are teachers. My DD is 100% not a genius. She is behind in all her milestones (although always gets there about 4 months after everyone else), she just does everything she is told because she doesnt realise there is another option, and she shows no signs of genius or even decent smarts. She is bloody gorgeous though, very happy, and I have found that i am perfectly fine with her being an average kid, but many people have made comments about how funny it is that she is behind and basically isnt smart compared to her peers (mostly her cousin) when both her parents are teachers.

I think parents see their kids as a reflection of themselves, so they want to make people think the kid is a genius because they are amazing parents. Kids are what they are. Average is fine. Majority of people are average.

Now this is something I am sensitive about - my family occasionally hint that they think it's funny that my (electrician, has three GCSEs) brother's child has hit all his milestones earlier and has much more advanced speech than my (two parents who went to Oxbridge, I have a PhD) DS. I really dislike this not because of any feeling that DS 'should' be ahead, but because as they both get older I don't want DS getting any hint that he's not living up to expectations, and nor do I want DN to feel like everyone has lower expectations of him! I'm working up to saying something about it.

I go for happy and healthy, anything else is a bonus.

What is genius? I have a friend that might just reach that description but has no common sense and is very socially awkward and suffers mental ill health and anxiety about all sorts of things.

Society seems to think academic achievement is the pinnacle of success - I don't agree.

Happiness and health is so much more.

My children go to a grammar school. I loathe telling new people this when they ask me because the conversation will then go in one of the following ways:

My son got a place at the Grammar but turned it down because he didn't want to do the bus journey.

I would never send my child to a Grammar as they should go to a school with their mates.

I would never let my son take the 11+ in case he failed it.

Boys Grammar School? Aren't they all posh and gay there?

I would never send my daughter to a Grammar school as it's so bitchy and they need to mix with boys.

These are all things I have had said to me.

If I had a pound for every person that told me their child had actually got a place at Grammar but turned it down then I would be about £63 better off right now.

My eldest son really struggles academically. It’s very hard for him - he definitely has some sort of processing disorder. I’ve honestly found it difficult. I was clever and academic and assumed my children would be as well, but he just isn’t.

My youngest does too.

What was really useful was getting him assessed by an ed psych, so that we could work out what would make it easier for him to learn.

He has slow processing, as well as some auditory processing issues. She gave us some detailed suggestions of ways to help him at home and in school.

As a result, he doesn't have to take notes in class - he's given notes by the teacher. That means he can actually listen properly and learn during class.

He's also asked to do approx half the volume of homework in some situations eg maths. It takes him twice as long to do the work, so instead he'll do every other question.

He gets help with organising projects that have multiple stages, and extra time with the teacher reviewing what he's done at each stage.

He even gets help with practical things like how to organise the contents of his binders, and his school bag.

His teachers make sure everything goes into the class Google Calendar, so that he will always look there.

It's all made a massive difference. He actually likes school, and learning. He's been getting As regularly.

He thought of himself as stupid, but he's not - he's just a different learner.

Oh and once I started talking to my local friends about my son's processing issues, a lot of them started talking about their kids' processing issues, and the kind of help that's out there, and sympathising with what a challenge it can be trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

My DS is clever, knows about current affairs (don’t know how as our tv is probably 96% Peppa Pig) rolled at 8 weeks (LOL remember when they told you that was a milestone) walked at just turned 9mo, spoke in sentences at one, can tell you what happened a year ago in full detail, writes and draws very well. He also won’t give up his dummy, screams blue murder if i’m out of his sight for more than 5 seconds, makes us sit with him until he is asleep, copies the one bad word he ever heard and is roars like a trex all fecking day long.
Children are weird, anyone who has a perfect child is a liar!

@dayswithaY

My children go to a grammar school. I loathe telling new people this when they ask me because the conversation will then go in one of the following ways:

My son got a place at the Grammar but turned it down because he didn't want to do the bus journey.

I would never send my child to a Grammar as they should go to a school with their mates.

I would never let my son take the 11+ in case he failed it.

Boys Grammar School? Aren't they all posh and gay there?

I would never send my daughter to a Grammar school as it's so bitchy and they need to mix with boys.

These are all things I have had said to me.

If I had a pound for every person that told me their child had actually got a place at Grammar but turned it down then I would be about £63 better off right now.

Yes to all of these! I just pretend not to hear and change the subject if at all possible...

You know, my parents were convinced of my superior abilities when I was a child and teenager. Because of course a child of theirs MUST have superior abilities.

I wasn’t stupid. But I wasn’t a genius. I was good at English and languages. Bad at maths and science. Terrible at PE or anything physical. Poor attention span. Normal child with strengths and weaknesses.

With hindsight I don’t think their conviction that I was (or should have been) a genius did me any good at all. It meant I could rarely, if ever, live up to their expectations. And I only got their approval with some sort of academic achievement.

I think it’s far more healthy to see your child as an individual - not purely a reflection on you - and to appreciate their strengths and weaknesses.

I remember saying to my DM when I was about 15 that I didn't have any special talents, nothing I was particularly good at, and she said to me it was good that I realised that as most people were much older when they learnt that!

It's true though, I'm not standout good at anything, and there's nothing wrong with that. (Before you feel too sorry for me I did come top of my course at university and did a Masters at Cambridge, but I followed up behind a sister who was a bona fide academic star so I never felt very good at anything. Still don't).

My nearly 3 year old isn’t a ‘genius’ (probably not even possible at that age?!) but he can do some things that most other children his age don’t seem to be able to do. Although I am rubbish at a comparison.

I would just simply love him to love learning itself - regardless of what rate he does it at. I think a thirst for knowledge- at any level - is a very good trait to have. Putting too much pressure on a child will do the opposite.

My 14 year old daughter is well below average. She’s only on target to pass one GCSE. Everything academically is a huge struggle for her. I couldn’t be prouder of her. She’s kind, well behaved, polite, Artistic, musical. I never look at the grades on school reports, just what the teachers have to say about her. N

I worry about mine being below average... shes nearly 2 but isn't walking well and most her words are incomprehensible. I was above average (far from a genius!) and hoped she would be too. Too early to say for certain I guess!

I am occasionally (unintentionally) a tiny bit braggy about mine. They are so clever (but not genius!) and sadly they get it from their dad, not me! I think I feel ok saying it because it feels so separate from me? But maybe I should stop as would hate to cause offence or any other bad feeling. I am thoughtful about it, ie, if a parent said "my kid's not a great reader" then I wouldn't reply that mine have read a whole library etc.

They are all good at something, even if they are average they will be good at some things.
If people need to shout about how good their kids are, they aren't really.
My own is waiting for results tomorrow and she's not even average in core subjects and is expecting low results and a resit.
But she has a subject in which she excels and no amount of GCSE's makes a difference.
Encourage your children to be good at what they enjoy, give them opportunities if you can.
Being really intelligent isn't that important.

@KeepOnKeepingOnAgainandAgain is that interhigh?

@PatriciaPerch the bastards. We can't be that thick if we're on the them?!

All I can offer OP is to simply live your life, do the best for your children and wait.
My children were fairly bright but surrounded by ‘exceptionally bright’ children according to their parents who would go on to do wonderful things. Fast forward 15 years, my DC are doing really, really well and more importantly are good people.
The exceptionally bright and talented ones? Not so much. Don’t believe all the hype.

What a load of bollocks. 'Genius' is a term to describe the likes of Einstein, Hawking, Curie, Newton etc., not a particularly bright child. Unless your child has discovered the theory of relativity or is researching radioactivity and has an IQ nearing 200, they're simply academically able. That's great, it really is but announcing to all and sundry that your 6yo is a 'genius' just makes you look rather deluded.

I have one who's clever. In the school's globally gifted scheme. Also has ASD. Hopefully will do well and achieve their goal of university etc.
The other is hitting all the 'Meets expectations' at school. So average academically. But has a talent for people. Put them in any social situation and they are in the middle and has everyone going along with their ideas. My db was the same. He's a slow burner but his business is worth an eye watering amount.

Parents never (well hardly ever) go on about how beautiful/handsome their children are, coz that would seem vulgar maybe? But parents drop in how bright their children are all the time!

I put it down to insecurity, this need to bask in reflected glory.

Also, a lot of the bright children also seem to be musically gifted and talented at sports! 😑

I agree about the grammar school comments. Everyone else's child could have gone there, I am given to understand, but they all chose not to, for reasons which make me morally inferior and my dc likely to be socially and emotionally stunted. Hey ho.

What I always think is, I was classed at one of the top in the class all through primary, got lazy at secondary, made some not great choices. Now in a probably average or below average job, it's fine but I'm sure I could have done better.

^^

OP, this is me too!

Went to a tough secondary where I was trying to stay alive whilst flirting with the boys. Shoulda, woulda, coulda

01:11ViciousJackdaw

^. Agreed.

I bet the next Hawking ain't a MN kid

My DH was classed as ‘gifted’ at school (got top A level marks in country at the time etc) but you’d never know now and the most refreshing thing he said to me was that he worked really bloody hard at it. Effort > ability a lot of times I think, especially given how many pps (me included) have described being told they were bright in primary school but then peaking and not going on to much else.

I try really hard to praise my 2 year old DS for his effort as you’re supposed to but then the odd ‘clever boy’ slips in. But if his mum isn’t going to call him that, who is?