Is it just me or is everyone else's child a genius?

[Pinkmakeupbag]

Maybe I am just bitter and jealous but it seems that everyone I meet, colleagues, relatives, friends, I even see it on here. Says that their child is exceptionally bright, advanced, top of the class, excelling academically. They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

I feel I'm the only mother with perfectly average children.

I think the word genius is overused to be honest! And with small children it's really too early to tell! Just because they "get" reading early for example, doesn't mean they'll always sit ahead of the curve. I've also been a University lecturer, and like a PP can say I've maybe met a handful of students (out of hundreds) that I'd describe as "properly clever". Not one "genius".

Also being an academic acheiver isn't always all it's cracked up to be. I was always very good/ top of the class at maths and science (terrible at english, geography, sports etc for balance but that's another story). One of my biggest career aims was to get a phd, which I did a couple of years ago... then had a bit of a crisis. Acheiving your life's goal at 27 sounds amazing, but it means you suddenly have the rest of your life left with absolutely no idea what you want to do!

The genius moniker is vastly overrated. Primary schools are filled with parents who are certain their child is a genius. Time often tells a different story. True genius is often overlooked in childhood.

True genius is often associated with mental health fragility which is a curse in itself. Genius comes in many forms but it is often the case that the person possessing the great talent cannot see it themselves and is plagued by self-doubt.

A great deal of damage is done by parents obsessed with their child/ren being the best and most successful at everything. I think it leads to lots of unhappiness.

It probably depends who they have met as well. If you haven't encountered anyone obviously cleverer than your child you might assume they are a genius when in fact you have only met extremely dim people

Apparently if you tell your kids repeatedly they are clever they become afraid of failing and won't try anything. Whereas kids that don't identify themselves as clever will try new things and achieve more in the end.

I have one quite average child (in terms of academic achievement, but plenty intelligent), and the other actually is a bit of a genius and always has been, since she was very young.

I love them both the same, and am just as proud of my youngest’s successes as I am of my eldest’s. They have very different paths in life and were dealt quite different hands, but they are both just as perfectly entitled to their space in the world, and just as entitled to be proud of their strengths.

Both DCs (primary school age) are scoring top marks in maths, and reading way beyond their reading age. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. I was teaching them at home during lockdown, so it was impossible not to notice that they breezed through the work set by their teachers, and needed something more challenging.

On the flip-side, it also means the oldest feels lonely around kids the same age (as their interests differ too much), and occasionally gets bullied, whereas the youngest constantly causes trouble at school (as a result of being bored) and has no respect for adults (big braggy know-it-all).

In other words, exceptionally bright kids are usually hard work...

@trilbydoll

'Apparently if you tell your kids repeatedly they are clever they become afraid of failing and won't try anything. Whereas kids that don't identify themselves as clever will try new things and achieve more in the end.'

This is spot on. Perseverance should be encouraged over perfection. There is an excellent TED talk on this; a whole audience of eminent scientists and how they could describe themselves as repeated failures ... until they made their breakthrough.

I have one child who is what you'd call a high achiever academically, but I think it would be a bit of a stretch to say gifted or anything like that.

My other child is probably more clever, possibly properly gifted, but is too eccentric to actually do particularly well at school. If primary school included coding instead of times tables, then it might be a different story.

So, my more average child is academically the higher achiever whilst my more advanced child is incredibly average academically.

I'm proud of them both but it has been an eye opener for me to learn that bright does not equal academic.

From a close friend - 25+ years hearing about her brilliant exceptional children.
Now all of the grandchildren are brilliant and exceptional.

I laughed like a drain when son was 'unfairly discriminated against' by the self-employed covid grant scheme.
Apparently he'd been under declaring earnings for tax and custody payments (yes, shock horror, the ungrateful DIL left the perfect man-child) so the grant he received was less than it should have been.

mine aren't, can't even take empty cartons out of the fridge.

I live in a grammar area and I guess it's worse than towns with normal schools when it comes to bragging. It makes people horrendously insecure and defensive. I met one mum who told me her child was Too Clever to take the 11 plus. A lot pay to go to the local 'cheap' private school as a sort of middle class escape route from mixing with non grammar families. Its such a shame and so wierd.

A mature student who didn’t pass any exams at school - literally ungraded- went to a FE college and took 4 A levels -physics chemistry , biology and maths, non modular- and passed the lot at A grade- he went on to Bristol- (Won’t name course )
He said he “ hated school” and quite a few students who bomb their GCSEs do well when they decide they want to knuckle down.

School isn’t for every child, for whatever reason, and they can be late blossomers.

Being good at a skilled craft trade I have massive respect for, too.
Some kids have spatial awareness that makes them excel at the craft trades.
Being good at what you do, and enjoying your job is priceless.💯

@Bumblingalong30s

If it makes you feel any better, my four year old is behind for his age. It’s not just me saying that - his nursery teacher has raised concerns. He can count to ten, knows his colours and that’s about it. He can’t draw anything identifiable, doesn’t know any letters, can’t copy a letter if I draw it for him. I do talk about it to friends/family and they say things like “Oh he’ll catch up, they all do in the end”. Hopefully they’re right. But if he doesn’t, that’s fine too, I just want him to be happy and find something he enjoys in life.

And if it makes you feel any better my son is the same. Won’t entertain holding a pencil and there are kids his age writing sentences. But I’ve been told numerous times he’s going to be an engineer when he’s older as he is interested in how things work. I’m also up against both his Dad and Grandad being severely dyslexic but they’ve both been successful so I’m hopeful but like you I just want him to be happy and so far he has a cracking personality.

Effort always beats natural ability. A child can be a total genius but be lazy and not make the effort and achieve less than a child who is average and works hard to do well.
I don't think it's good for children to have academic success handed to them on a plate.

I just looked it up, around 0.25% of people are genius. Around 1% have an IQ above 140. So really there can't be all these genius children.

I feel mine stretch pretty much the range.

One very clever.
One average but hard-working.
One with ADHD and slow processing who hates working.

I get to join in the SEN threads and the 'my genius child is so bored at school' threads and the 'my child is completely average' threads.

Equal opportunity bragging here :-)

A lot of people think their children are geniuses and a lot of people think they know a psychopath. There aren’t that many geniuses or psychopaths!

^This. By definition both geniuses and psychopaths stand out as very unusual. So quite clearly there won't be many of them.

I just looked it up, around 0.25% of people are genius. Around 1% have an IQ above 140. So really there can't be all these genius children.

So if (from a quick Google) MN has 119 million unique users, and each has one child, then 29,750 of their children are geniuses.

I agree about the effort bit. My DS is naturally very academic and at a grammar school BUT he is so flipping lazy and puts in the minimum effort required. I honestly don’t think he will do any better than my DD who is average academically and at a non grammar school unless he starts making an effort which is a shame. In fact it’s a cliche but when he started at his school the headmaster said “hard work beats talent if talent doesn’t work hard” and that’s very true!

I work with new parents and they all assume their babies are going to grow into children who are either academic, artistic, musical or sporty and be talented at something. No one seems to accept that loads of kids are just averagely average and some are below average. Well I suppose they do know but don't think it could possibly be their child.

God don't worry OP! A lot of parents think their kid is a genius, they can't all be right.

Secondly my DB is an actual genius and looking at both his social life and his income, I'm not sure that always translates to anything that great in the real world. He's a lovely, admirable guy but his tendency to overthink everything has held him back in so many ways. In contrast I know loads of people of average intelligence with a good work ethic who make decent money and are happy with their lives and relationships.

My son is a cheerful little ball of joy who lives in his own world and talks about dragons and rainbows whenever anyone asks him how his day has been. I expect he won't be particularly cerebral and frankly I couldn't be happier about it.

They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

"Did she, aye."

It actually doesn't matter if they have a stratospheric IQ and they ace every test - I'd be much happier that my kids are kind, have friends, and have the resilience to bounce back if they fail at things (which they will - all - do)

One bright, one bright but school refusing so not sure how it will go. Youngest definitely average.

I think it may mean the potential to be a genius, in theory, but some people's personality may mean they never reach their potential.

@Turquoisesea your DS might be a bit ADHD. I have it and was pretty similar to him in school. I wasn't lazy just terrible at procrastination and had no time management skills. You could look into it and maybe help him find a career path that will engage him. He might prefer working with his hands, despite his academic potential.
Sorry to make an armchair diagnosis, just that I struggled a lot with getting work done even though I had a natural aptitude for academic work, so thought I might share my experience!